When Trauma Invades

When Trauma Invades written August 30, 2011 My fellow bloggy world friend Annie posted on this topic last week. I wanted to share more of our own experiences regarding how Trauma invades in interpretation of events. Part of this comes from my own life experiences, and the rest from what we have observed with the girls. When I was a… (more…)

IMAGINE

This has been on my heart for several days and I have a little time before bedtime to share…… Imagine if you were 10, or 12, or 15 or 16, and you were in an orphanage in America. You didn’t really understand what a “family” was, but you had heard ALL about it. You wanted one. Everybody wants a mom… (more…)

Being Connected Being a Team

What does CONNECTED parenting looks like, when SAFETY is a HUGE problem. First, we need to make sure that WE are not escalating situations by having expectations that are not realistic, (straight A’s, participating in things that overwhelm, expecting gratefulness, keeping rooms perfectly clean, etc) and not shaming or consequencing our children to death with burdens too much for them… (more…)

TIME GOES FLYING BY!

I cannot believe how quickly time has gone since my last update. But I wanted to let you know where we are today in this journey. We officially have another adult in the house! Sweetie 2 turned 18 recently, graduated from high school, received a scholarship for college and took a trip with me and several friends to Galveston Island!… (more…)

Grocery Store Bonding

This morning I headed out to do the weekly shopping. I had been doing it on a different day for quite some time, but as last weeks events took place I was unable to go on the day I typically had been going. When the girls were younger, every Friday was filled with activity including soccer, library, lunch and grocery… (more…)

Washed in the Love of Christ

Rejection hurts. But you know what? Isn’t that how our kids feel? Isn’t that how they got to be with us in the first place? For an adoption to take place, there has to be a rejection, right? For some kids, they are able to heal, and we have experienced and been a part of that process for many years.… (more…)

Dorm Life

Sweetie 3 has been in the dorms for a month now. Oh how I miss her! The GOOD news is, she is just 30 minutes away. How convenient! Sweetie 2 and I are having lunch with her tomorrow at her dorm apartment. We did last week too, and I think I feel a tradition coming on! 🙂 We text back… (more…)

I don’t know what I did. But I did it.

FIXED I tried to change my background and it cut out comments. I could not figure out how to get them back, and I tried everything! So we are back to normal. I’ll try something new more carefully next time! LOL In the process I found a few cool things to add to my side bar. 🙂 There is a… (more…)

What Does Connection Look Like?

What does connection look like after your children have not left well? In today’s society it is so much easier than it would have been a long time ago. Remaining connected to our children who are outside of our home is vital. Obviously, there must be a connected relationship already established. I am so thankful that over the years, our… (more…)

A New Phase

We were doing really well. WERE. FAS wreaks havoc on families. It is a demon that sometimes cannot be controlled… For some children it effects their bodies, or facial images, for others it has permanent lasting impact on the reasoning in their brain. We have that impact. Sweetie 4 had decided at 17, her birthday, she would run away from… (more…)

They Know….

How many times do we go to bed saddened by the events of the day, feeling as though we have not connected? I remember reading a very old book on parenting written in the late 1800’s. One of the things that I picked up from this book (which was not written for traumatized children) was that this man understood that… (more…)

Sweetie 2

She just breaks out into dance….. I love it!

Blending Back Into Normal Life with some tweaks….

When Sweetie got her job at the pizza place we told her that she might have a hard time with impatient customers, mistakes made and a boss who yells. Her bosses culture is different from us, and yelling is a first resort. :/ She has done well working since before she got out; while on furlough. But last week, there… (more…)

2 Weeks

It has been two full weeks since Sweetie 4 came home. Two wonderful weeks! She is doing so well. We are so proud of her! And we are proud of us too. 🙂 We have had many talks, shopping trips, a “Girls out to get Starbucks” on Thanksgiving night, where we all sat outside because they were closed and laughed… (more…)

It’s A Marathon NOT a Sprint

I tell myself this all the time, and yet on Monday, I was sprinting. For the last couple of days, contemplating Monday has been on my heart. Why did I get so upset? Why did it bother me SOOO MUCH? I actually expected a lot of what happened and I was shocked with myself on how deeply I was personally… (more…)

Settling In….

Sweetie 4 has been home since Friday. The weekend was like another Furlough. She knew what to expect as we continued doing the same things and she had the same schedule. Then came Monday. It was all new to her. She has been away over a year and the dynamics of family life have changed now that 2 of the… (more…)

Home…

She’s home. 🙂

Reflections

Tomorrow, just one more day, and Sweetie 4 will walk out the doors of the detention center into a new life. But it won’t be a new life with a different family. It will a different life with THIS family. HER family. I cannot express how closely we felt the despair of the possibility that she would not return home.… (more…)

Our Last Session

Tonight was our last official counseling session at the detention center. We sat and talked in a relaxed fashion and Sweetie 4 presented her safety plan, including things that make her feel safe and things that make her feel insecure. She presented safe people she can call, and ideas for coping skills. She also talked with us and her counselor… (more…)

Last Furlough

This is our very last furlough. Tomorrow she goes back at 6:30. And then, Tuesday we have our last session in the detention center. On Friday she walks out a free girl! We are almost at the finish line. And then, A new Beginning!

The Other Sweeties

I have written so much about Sweetie 4 and neglected to write about the others. 🙂 Sweetie 1 is living with her birth gramma now. She seems to be happy there, and we stay in contact. She will be 18 this month. 🙂 Sweetie 2 is 17 and is attending college as well as co op and then home schooling… (more…)

“They Just Need Love”

I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s office with Sweetie 4 for an appointment last year. I traveled from home and she was brought by the juvenile detention center. The transport officer was a very nice lady who was very well meaning. She spoke about how she is the “jail mama” and all the kids call her that. She mentioned it… (more…)

Staying Connected Staying Safe

When parents adopt a child, they responsibly contemplate all sorts of scenarios and difficulties, and prepare to help their new child adjust to family life. There are classes to prepare, all sorts of seminars and books to read. Some parents may already have experience with other adoptions both domestic and international as we did. In fact, we had adopted domesetically… (more…)

48 Hour Furloughs AND The Countdown Begins

Seventeen days from today, Sweetie 4 will be home. HOME…. and WHOLE. Any of you who are regular readers know that the past year and a half has been very hard. Sweetie 4 spun out of control and eventually crossed an uncrossable line. This brought the legal system into our lives, and for a little over a year she has… (more…)

The Twenty-Four Hour Furlough

Sweetie 4 has made it to her first over night furlough. It has been nearly a year since she spent the night in her own bed. She was so excited to be able to come home. A typical furlough is quite busy. Just to give you an idea of what it is like; she has to have objectives to achieve… (more…)

The TWELVE HOUR Furlough

We had 12 hours together yesterday! Oh my heart! It went so well. We picked her up before church services and she bravely went with us. 🙂 She saw all sorts of familiar faces who welcomed her with open arms. I’m so thankful for that! We went out to lunch with friends and then headed home to work in her… (more…)

A New Furlough

Yesterday was furlough day again. We had so many praying for us, we could feel your prayers. 🙂 The furlough went wonderfully! It was 180º from the last one! And we pray the cycle in the right direction continues! She was pleasant, and met most of her requirements. She forgot about taking pictures of some of her required objectives, but… (more…)

Borderline Personality Disorder

I just added a link to a good website on BPD. It can be found on my educational page, but I’ll also put a link here: Borderline Personality Disorder

A New Day-A New Chapter

I have to say the last few days have been soul searching, as we were writing back and forth with Sweetie’s counselor, and discussing future ideas with our social worker, and then visiting Sweetie at the center. We could feel the prayers of the Saints who pray for us daily and we are so thankful. I visited Sweetie 4 on… (more…)

Self Sabotage

Well, we had our first furlough. I think honestly that it was too long. She did great for about an hour and then it started to slide downwards. It must be surreal being out after being in detention for 10 months. I get that. We did all we could to make sure she was comfortable and accepted. To say we… (more…)

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