The Conditioning Of The Heart

The Conditioning of the Heart  originally written December 2010 My heart just aches for children who suffer.  Sometimes it is just too much to think about and so I distract myself….. but it always comes back to the fogotten, the outcast, the downcast, the unwanted, abused, the neglected…… As parents, especially those of us living in Countries where we have… (more…)

Parenting Ahead

Parenting AHEAD  (originally written  February 2012 (Both of my angels were adopted because of disruption) I posted earlier about Children not being adults here.  I wanted to follow up with a few thoughts on Parental Leadership. Our children, especially our children who have come home at older ages, have no understanding of leadership, or their need for parents.  Yes, they… (more…)

Children Are Not Little Adults

Children are NOT Little Adults (originally written  February 2012   Thank you Mike for helping to write this. 🙂 Children are NOT little Adults. They do not think like adults.  They do not reason like adults. And many times, I think WE adults, interpret their behaviors and actions, as if we were dealing with other adults. Children do not fully… (more…)

Mom Dad And Me Books Parts 1 and 2

Mom, Dad and Me Books originally written in 2011 The other day I was thinking about what an important job it is to communicate with my girls.  Sometimes they don’t ask things, because they don’t want somebody else to hear their question, or they are too shy. I remember longing to talk with somebody when I was a young teen.… (more…)


Fear and Relationship ( originally written November 2012) For those of you who have children who came to you with MULTIPLE, OVERSTUFFED Trauma bags, I pray this post can bring you hope. I have written much over the years about Trauma and FEAR and how our children, because of literally living day in and day out in a state of… (more…)

An Object Lesson on Unkind Words

An Object Lesson on Unkind Words (originally written in December 2011) This a.m.  two of the girlies were doing their lessons close to the wood stove to keep warm.  They were playing “old fashioned”…. I over heard one say to the other…. “I think Sister 2 did it!”  Sister 2 overheard it, and said, “I did what?”  And then there… (more…)

Issues With the Older Adopted Child

Issues With The Older Adopted Child (originally written in October 2011) There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) The questions have been asked, if  those children can have successful adoptions. I would like to explain… (more…)

Issues With the Older Adopted Child part 2

  Issues With The Older Adopted Child part 2 (written November 2011) I wrote a post on issues that older adopted children face here. In this post, I would like to discuss issues of insecurities a child faces when they come into an already existing, functioning family. Many of the older children who come home, come home to a family… (more…)

What Success Really Looks Like

What Success Really Looks Like (originally written in Jan 2012)  This can apply to most anything: Careers, Marriages,Educational pursuits… but it really made me think about “Older Child Adoption” and what a comlexity it is to raise our children. 🙂  I often say, 3 steps forward 2 steps back.  This line is much more accurate. LOL This is what it… (more…)

Control and Insecurity

When a child is trying to take control of things, it is most likely that they are feeling quite out of control inside. We had a scenario play out in our family over the last couple of days that I’d like to share. Sweetie #4, was wanting to get new shorts for her exercise class. We agreed another pair of… (more…)


I have added several posts today from my personal blog. I am in 2009 right now. There will be several more added over the next weeks. I so appreciate anybody who stops by and reads! Feel free to drop a comment! 🙂


True Grace, VS. RELIGIOSITY This post was originally written in  August 2009 Somebody asked the question is Grace Based Parenting  compatible with Christianity, as in, if it taught a “false doctrine”, how could you use it with your children? I have been studying this for a while, and I would really like to address that issue, as something has been… (more…)

Glue Sticks Are For Gluing

Glue Sticks Are For Gluing This post was written October 2010 I have heard more than a few times last year and this year, folks are using GLUE STICKS; the larger foot long kind;  you know the ones we get for our crafty glue guns??  They are using them to “spank” their children. I’m sorry, but GLUE STICKS ARE FOR… (more…)


Triggers Originally Written in January 2009 Our Friday night tradition of Pizza and a movie continues, and then we all retreat to camp in mom and dad’s room for the night. It is usually a peaceful sleep, but last night was a little different. The sleeping arrangements were changed. This time Sweetie 3 slept on the cot at the end… (more…)


You Smell Like Ukraine! originally written February 2008 This is what Sweetie 3 said to me this afternoon after I had put on some much needed Oil of Olay. The last time I used Oil of Olay, was in Ukraine! It is so funny how our brains remember smells, seasons, or how something felt… Sweetie 2 did something very similar… (more…)

All About Losing

All About Losing written: Feb 2008 I have been thinking about the issue of loss and losing . We are almost 2 years down the Road with Sweetie 3, and 3 with Sweetie 2,  and 4 with Sweetie 1. Yet, the issue of loss is always there. YES there are gains, but there are also losses. Every birthday, they are… (more…)


Parenting (originally written January 2008) I have been thinking over and over how the last 30 years have changed our lives. Raising 4 boys, to Empty nesters, to raising 3 little girls. They didn’t come the usual way, or maybe they did? (kicking and screaming) Just larger. 🙂 I always say, we got our girls “potty trained and talking back”.… (more…)

An Important Message

An Important Message (originally written July 2010) I usually don’t read psychology today. In fact, I have never read it. 🙂 But today, a fellow adoptive mother sent an article that is VERY MUCH WORTH READING! The title of the article is “Kidnapped or Saved” How some children feel about being adopted. It was written after Justin was sent back… (more…)

Child Abuse and Adoption

Child Abuse and Adoption (originally written Feb. 2011) I was sickened and horrified to read about yet another child abuse/murder case of an adopted child/children.  It is just too much….. We are all capable of much sin, I know this…… and I also know there are stresses out there with parenting that can bring you to the brink…… but honestly,… (more…)

Role Play

We had a huge weekend that began last Thursday when we left to go to the Russian Embassy to get Sweetie 4’s passport. Of course, on Wednesday night, she was scared to go and declared that she was NOT going to go! And we could not force her!  We comforted her in her fear, and then asked “What snacks do… (more…)

Empowered To Connect

We just spent the day at the “Empowered To Connect” conference.  It is Awesome!!!!!!! If you have the chance to attend, it is soooo worth it! September 16th update: We got home late Saturday night after spending the weekend at the Empowered to Connect conference.  If you have not heard Karyn Purvis speak, you MUST! Please consider attending a conference,… (more…)


REHOMING DISRUPTION! I refuse to call “Disruption” Rehoming. IT IS NOT. I have been asked to write a post on this because of the breaking news series from Reuters and NBC that came out this week.  You can see it here. Before you read this post… Please read and watch the links. So here goes: We were introduced to Adoption… (more…)

The Tool Box

When our first Sweetie came home to us in 2003,  she had many puzzling behaviors.  We had taken several weeks of training that was very good!  We had started to read books  to help us understand how to parent her,  yet, there was much we needed to learn and much she needed to learn. I always saw the books and… (more…)

Angry Episodes and Impulse Control Issues

This post was written in June/13 One reader asked : “How do you coach a child through an angry episode?”  And, “How do you deal with impulse control issues.” For both of those…. “VERY CAREFULLY!” When a child is angry and has impulse control issues, things can become quite volatile quickly! The best thing you can do is have a… (more…)

Understanding The Fear Factor

Understanding The Fear Factor I wrote a few days ago about how Sweetie 4 felt safer in the orphanage and frightened in America when she first came home. There are  valid questions as to why that would be! How could a seemingly unsafe place without hope and without future seem safer than a loving home WITH a future?  The village… (more…)

The Ukrainian Bathroom Saga

The Ukrainian Bathroom Saga In a previous post<—- link, I wrote about how God uses even our selfishness to bring about His purposes in our lives.  I mentioned that we used McDonald’s for coffee and sometimes a bathroom, but there was a long story behind that. Here is that story! 🙂 When we picked Sweetie 3 up from the orphanage,… (more…)

Why The Traumatized Child Clings To Chaos

Why The Traumatized Child Clings to Chaos (see previous post related to Chaos topic) For the child of trauma, chaos is their normal.  It can be very frightening to find out that your entire life before, was not normal, even if you didn’t like it, or were fearful of it. Obviously, a child will be relieved in some ways to… (more…)

Stability vs. Chaos,

Stability Vs. Chaos I was just thinking about this today, and thought I would share some of my thoughts with Y’all. When children have lived with extended trauma and instability in their lives, their brains become wired to think that it is NORMAL.  They live at a heightened sense of emotion, and they continue to live in “survival mode”.  They… (more…)

What’s Behind The Behavior?

What’s Behind the Behavior…? (I picked this picture because of all these little hopeful faces. This was taken from our missions trip back to Ukraine a few years ago, and was at Sweetie 2 and Sweetie 3’s old orphanage.  The little boy in blue, was so sweet and cute and smiley, talking in Russian.  He was actually saying, “I’m going… (more…)

When We Need To Change

When We Need To Change There are so many times in parenting that we have to be on our toes, try to navigate 10 steps ahead, and be ready  to meet any challenge.  That is our job as parents. When we are dealing with hurt children, who come from backgrounds full of trauma, we need to be ever more vigilant… (more…)


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