The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control originally written March 2009 I have had many conversations over the last couple of years about the approach we use with our children. It wasn’t until after a post yesterday that I actually understood where the confusion comes from when folks don’t quite understand. I don’t think the approach is really that… (more…)

Reflecting

I was reading an article where a child had been adopted to replace a child who had died.  The thought of that makes me cringe. No person can replace another person.    And it is of utmost importance that we as parents don’t make decisions towards adoption if we are thinking a new child will replace somebody we lost. As I… (more…)

Support Group

Our support group is starting back up after a 2 month rest. If you are interested, we meet in Wylie Texas on the 2nd Thursday of each month. We will be having a discussion about adding an extra day in the month so we can meet twice a month. Support groups can be vital lifelines of help and fellowship for… (more…)

Understanding The Severely Neglected Child

Understanding The  Severely Neglected Child All of our girls suffered terrible neglect, some longer than others, but two of them in particular developed survival skills that were entrenched in their little souls to the point that it seemed they were clutching those survival skills  with all their might, terrified for any changes to be made.  While they both wanted to… (more…)

So Many Things We Are Learning!

The last couple of weeks have been a time of learning and pain.  Our Sweetie 4, has been suffering through some turmoil.  There have been times these last two weeks where we have changed the scenery more than once a day!   Our last post placement report was completed, and she was thrilled about that. However, she has been struggling in… (more…)

A Compilation of Humor Over The Years

A compilation of our lives together. Here are some things I have recorded over the last several years: We were talking about some church issues with the girlies. We attend a Reformed Church, so one thing I asked the girls: “What does reformed mean?” Kristina , as always, excited to answer: “It means like, everybody there has problems!” Like, we… (more…)

Trying Differenly Rather Than Harder

I highly recommend this book by Diane Malbin M.S.W. http://www.fascets.org/

Transitions

This is a time of year for transitions.  Many of us are winding down our school years and getting ready for Summer activity.  For children with trauma backgrounds,  transitions are hard. I have been wanting to write about this, and I’m glad I waited a few days before writing, because we wound up having to help Sweetie 4 through some… (more…)

Residual Fears

Today I took Miss Sweetie 4  grocery shopping with me. When we were finished putting the groceries in the car, I asked  her to put the basket in the basket area and I’d drive over and meet her there. I pulled up and she was all smiles getting into the car. That smile reminded me of the first time I… (more…)

Reflections On 3 Years 2 Months 23 Days and More…

Today our sweet social worker came over for our very last post placement report to Russia.  She has been doing our post placement reports and home studies since 2003. When we found out about our fourth daughter, Sweetie 4,  three and a half  years ago, we talked with our social worker on the phone, and the overall conversation was good,… (more…)

TODAY IS….

Our last post placement report meeting!!!! YEA!!!!!!

A SPANKING Post

I don’t usually write about this topic.  But today, I felt compelled to. I have been wanting to write a post regarding a behavior that a majority of families in the U.S. practice.  In fact, within the church it is RARE to find a family who does not use Spanking as a tool to deter unwanted behaviors in our children.… (more…)

Happy Mother’s Day part 2

Yesterday came as a total and complete surprise to me.   I am so full of joy today.  The Lord has been so good to us, and His mercy and grace were evident in our family yesterday. Our sweeties have been home for more than 10, 8, 7 and 3 years. What a blessing they have been in our lives, teaching… (more…)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to Each and Every One of You! For many children from hard places, Mother’s day is a bewildering time. They are supposed to be happy to celebrate their mamas and at the same time are reminded of the mama who is gone. Some of our children have had multiple mamas. Mother’s day is a mixed emotional bag!… (more…)

Peering Over The Edge

Peering Over The Edge  originally written in May 2013 In my last post,I wrote about why traumatized children cling to chaos.  Today, I’d like to write a little bit more about our experience this past week.  It was a journey into chaos and the journey back out.  Please join me. 🙂 As many who read my blog know, our newest… (more…)

Focusing on Relationship

I wanted to write a little bit about focusing on relationship and not behavior. This is one of the hardest things to explain, especially to hurting parents. Questions might be, “Do you mean you want me to reward bad behavior?” Of course not. But there is a cycle we can get stuck in, and as the adult, you can either… (more…)

Networked Blogs

I just added a Networked blogs widget.  If you are following, please join! 🙂 It is on the right sidebar. Thanks!

Playfulness

I think sometimes one of the harder aspects of parenting is having the energy to play with our children, especially children who have trauma backgrounds. Time spent  with them can be taxing and exhausting, causing us to be weary and too tired to play! But one of the huge benefits of playfulness with our children, is it brings about connection,… (more…)

Identity

The question came up about whether adopted children lose their “identity”. This was a discussion among professionals.  And I think it is a good question. A long with that question was whether changing names was  a good idea or not, and whether information should be open or closed. I would like to explore some of that from an adoptive moms… (more…)

THOUGHTS ABOUT FASD

My daughter was in her high school health class, and the teacher asked “Does anybody know what FAS stands for?” My daughter raised her hand and answered, “Fetal Alcohol Syndrome”. The teacher asked her how she knew. Her answer was, “I heard it from my family.” We were hearing about this at breakfast this a.m. She then very humorously asked,… (more…)

Joy In The Journey

I was watching an old video of my daughter when we were waiting to come back from NC and had to wait for ICPC paperwork to come through. She was so little, sweet, scared, trying to impress, and more. I look back at those precious two weeks and think….. WOW!  Where would she be if we hadn’t said yes? Where… (more…)

Out On A Date

Today is Sweetie 3’s 8th Familyversary! Where has the time gone???   She is so precious. Sweetie 3 has brought us nothing but incredible JOY, since the very first day we met her. Happy Familyversay!

To Celebrate or To Not Celebrate

That is a big question for those of us with children who come to us with trauma, baggage behavior issues and more. When our girls were really little, with just 2 of them home, I actually considered not having a Christmas tree or having a big celebration because it seemed the “tree in the living room” was causing some real… (more…)

Easter Time

Happy Resurrection Day!!!

Today

What a day! Spring is in the air…. It is BEAUTIFUL, Humid and GREEN! It is also “Trauma Season”. Last year when our social worker was talking to us, she said “Sweetie 4 has so many anniversaries for trauma, it is year round.” It is true that Sweetie 4 has endured so much hardship in her life, and there are… (more…)

Grief Revisited

Grief Revisited Originally written April 2014 Grief is a process that sometimes comes in waves.  You will be doing just fine and then it hits you once again.  You had a tragedy in your family long ago, or more recently.  Suddenly, grief is upon you and the emotions are there once again because there is something new to process and… (more…)

Keeping Short Accounts

Keeping Short Accounts originally written April 2013 Have you ever heard the saying, “Keep Short Accounts”? Many times it is used in reference to marriage.  Don’t hold grudges or keep lists of the wrongs or seeming wrongs your spouse has committed towards you. It is the same with our children, especially children who have come from hard places, or trauma… (more…)

A Picture Of Grace Based Parenting part 2

A Picture of Grace Based Paretenting pt 2 “What Happens Next?”  originally written April 2013 Yesterday, I wrote this post <—- (linked)   about Miss Sweetie 4. 🙂 Today, I want to cover “What Happens Next?” What happens after there is repentance and calm has come back into the home?  What happens next,  when a child exhibits old behaviors, or … (more…)

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1 Originally written April 2013 Miss Sweetie 4 has been doing so awesome…. Every time,  when it has been a long time since any kind of meltdown or disobedience, I forget that she is still very newly home.  When I am reminded, like last night, I run the equation in my head.  She… (more…)

What Are They Trying To Tell Us?

What is going on with our  kids when try to get attention in inappropriate ways when we are talking on the phone or to another adult? Interpreting their behavior is very important to solving the problem! If we assume they are trying to annoy us, it will lead to frustration and unmet need. Children who come from difficult backgrounds have… (more…)

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