Memory and Trauma

Sweetie 3 is attending college this year as a 16 year old. She is doing well, and her first class is Russian.  She has been studying Russian for a couple of years, but is now at the level of conversational Russian, in college! Today, she mentioned that while she was listening to “Conversational Russian”, she had an emotional feeling, “Like… (more…)

What Is Working!!!

I  wrote here about some ideas we have had and how we have used them in our family. Today, I’d like to write an update on that, and how things are going! We have had a LOT of changes in our family, especially within the last month!  Three of our girls are now in Public School and 1 is homeschooling… (more…)

All Is Well!

I received a letter from Sweetie 4’s English Teacher today.  It was a glowing report of how well she is doing! I was so pleased!!!!! All of the Sweeties are doing well in their classes. This week has been so different!  I don’t have 4 students to teach anymore.  I just have 1, and most of her classes are at… (more…)

Butterflies Flying

Oh my words! I cannot describe accurately the last few days. Our lives are changing.  The girls are growing up.  I so love these years! Where did my girls start from? Chaos. Neglect. Unspeakable Abuse! Abandonment! Pain! Three came from other countries, Russia and Ukraine. One came from the faraway land of Oklahoma, drowning in the foster care system. Two… (more…)

School Days, School Days!

Today, I watched four brave girls leave our home and board buses or be driven, to places for education. We have been homeschooling since 1992, when we began to educate our sons at home. Our girls have always been educated at home until last year when Sweetie 2 went to high school because of her desire to be in ROTC.… (more…)

My Daughters

On Monday, all four of my daughters will be walking through the doors of schools in our area.  One will be in College, two in High School and one in Jr. High School. Each of them, so very brave, and so very wonderful. We have been home educators since 1992, when we pulled out of the public school system because… (more…)

The Countdown to School!

It is just five days before school starts! FIVE!  And guess who was diagnosed with Pneumonia today?  Whaaa! Sweetie 4! Thank goodness we were able to get her in to see her doctor on short notice.  She is on 2 kinds of antibiotics and hopefully she will be mostly recovered by the time Monday rolls around! We are still practicing… (more…)

Beautiful Days

These past few weeks of summer have been wonderful.  We have been enjoying the down time and relaxing before school starts up again. This year is going to be very different! We will now have 1 girl in part time college, part time home schooling. 2 girls will be attending High School, and our youngest, will be attending 8th grade… (more…)

Being A Team: Working Things Out

Some of you have been reading my posts for many years, some of you are new.  If you are an old reader, thank you for reading! If you are  new reader, Welcome!!! I used to blog in a family blog setting with names and pictures, but the girls are older now, and there were a few creeps along the way,… (more…)

Processing the Weekend

This weekend, Sweetie 4’s biological sister, got married to her childhood sweetheart.  It was a beautiful, lovely wedding. Sweetie 4 was a bridesmaid.  She was lovely; beaming! The wedding took place in Oklahoma, where Sweetie 4 lived when she came home from Russia.  It is also where Sweetie 1 lived when she was in foster care. To say the dynamics… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2  originally written in 2009 I was talking with somebody the other day, and over the last few months, more than one person…. about BCLC and how it works.  There are so many mis understandings about it, and I think maybe clarifying would be very helpful for those trying to put… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control originally written March 2009 I have had many conversations over the last couple of years about the approach we use with our children. It wasn’t until after a post yesterday that I actually understood where the confusion comes from when folks don’t quite understand. I don’t think the approach is really that… (more…)

Reflecting

I was reading an article where a child had been adopted to replace a child who had died.  The thought of that makes me cringe. No person can replace another person.    And it is of utmost importance that we as parents don’t make decisions towards adoption if we are thinking a new child will replace somebody we lost. As I… (more…)

Support Group

Our support group is starting back up after a 2 month rest. If you are interested, we meet in Wylie Texas on the 2nd Thursday of each month. We will be having a discussion about adding an extra day in the month so we can meet twice a month. Support groups can be vital lifelines of help and fellowship for… (more…)

Understanding The Severely Neglected Child

Understanding The  Severely Neglected Child All of our girls suffered terrible neglect, some longer than others, but two of them in particular developed survival skills that were entrenched in their little souls to the point that it seemed they were clutching those survival skills  with all their might, terrified for any changes to be made.  While they both wanted to… (more…)

So Many Things We Are Learning!

The last couple of weeks have been a time of learning and pain.  Our Sweetie 4, has been suffering through some turmoil.  There have been times these last two weeks where we have changed the scenery more than once a day!   Our last post placement report was completed, and she was thrilled about that. However, she has been struggling in… (more…)

A Compilation of Humor Over The Years

A compilation of our lives together. Here are some things I have recorded over the last several years: We were talking about some church issues with the girlies. We attend a Reformed Church, so one thing I asked the girls: “What does reformed mean?” Kristina , as always, excited to answer: “It means like, everybody there has problems!” Like, we… (more…)

Trying Differenly Rather Than Harder

I highly recommend this book by Diane Malbin M.S.W. http://www.fascets.org/

Transitions

This is a time of year for transitions.  Many of us are winding down our school years and getting ready for Summer activity.  For children with trauma backgrounds,  transitions are hard. I have been wanting to write about this, and I’m glad I waited a few days before writing, because we wound up having to help Sweetie 4 through some… (more…)

Residual Fears

Today I took Miss Sweetie 4  grocery shopping with me. When we were finished putting the groceries in the car, I asked  her to put the basket in the basket area and I’d drive over and meet her there. I pulled up and she was all smiles getting into the car. That smile reminded me of the first time I… (more…)

Reflections On 3 Years 2 Months 23 Days and More…

Today our sweet social worker came over for our very last post placement report to Russia.  She has been doing our post placement reports and home studies since 2003. When we found out about our fourth daughter, Sweetie 4,  three and a half  years ago, we talked with our social worker on the phone, and the overall conversation was good,… (more…)

TODAY IS….

Our last post placement report meeting!!!! YEA!!!!!!

A SPANKING Post

I don’t usually write about this topic.  But today, I felt compelled to. I have been wanting to write a post regarding a behavior that a majority of families in the U.S. practice.  In fact, within the church it is RARE to find a family who does not use Spanking as a tool to deter unwanted behaviors in our children.… (more…)

Happy Mother’s Day part 2

Yesterday came as a total and complete surprise to me.   I am so full of joy today.  The Lord has been so good to us, and His mercy and grace were evident in our family yesterday. Our sweeties have been home for more than 10, 8, 7 and 3 years. What a blessing they have been in our lives, teaching… (more…)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to Each and Every One of You! For many children from hard places, Mother’s day is a bewildering time. They are supposed to be happy to celebrate their mamas and at the same time are reminded of the mama who is gone. Some of our children have had multiple mamas. Mother’s day is a mixed emotional bag!… (more…)

Peering Over The Edge

Peering Over The Edge  originally written in May 2013 In my last post,I wrote about why traumatized children cling to chaos.  Today, I’d like to write a little bit more about our experience this past week.  It was a journey into chaos and the journey back out.  Please join me. 🙂 As many who read my blog know, our newest… (more…)

Focusing on Relationship

I wanted to write a little bit about focusing on relationship and not behavior. This is one of the hardest things to explain, especially to hurting parents. Questions might be, “Do you mean you want me to reward bad behavior?” Of course not. But there is a cycle we can get stuck in, and as the adult, you can either… (more…)

Networked Blogs

I just added a Networked blogs widget.  If you are following, please join! 🙂 It is on the right sidebar. Thanks!

Playfulness

I think sometimes one of the harder aspects of parenting is having the energy to play with our children, especially children who have trauma backgrounds. Time spent  with them can be taxing and exhausting, causing us to be weary and too tired to play! But one of the huge benefits of playfulness with our children, is it brings about connection,… (more…)

Identity

The question came up about whether adopted children lose their “identity”. This was a discussion among professionals.  And I think it is a good question. A long with that question was whether changing names was  a good idea or not, and whether information should be open or closed. I would like to explore some of that from an adoptive moms… (more…)

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