Category Archives: Thoughts

Washed in the Love of Christ

Rejection hurts. But you know what? Isn’t that how our kids feel? Isn’t that how they got to be with us in the first place? For an adoption to take place, there has to be a rejection, right? For some kids, they are able to heal, and we have experienced and been a part of that process for many years.… (more…)

Dorm Life

Sweetie 3 has been in the dorms for a month now. Oh how I miss her! The GOOD news is, she is just 30 minutes away. How convenient! Sweetie 2 and I are having lunch with her tomorrow at her dorm apartment. We did last week too, and I think I feel a tradition coming on! 🙂 We text back… (more…)

What Does Connection Look Like?

What does connection look like after your children have not left well? In today’s society it is so much easier than it would have been a long time ago. Remaining connected to our children who are outside of our home is vital. Obviously, there must be a connected relationship already established. I am so thankful that over the years, our… (more…)

A New Phase

We were doing really well. WERE. FAS wreaks havoc on families. It is a demon that sometimes cannot be controlled… For some children it effects their bodies, or facial images, for others it has permanent lasting impact on the reasoning in their brain. We have that impact. Sweetie 4 had decided at 17, her birthday, she would run away from… (more…)

They Know….

How many times do we go to bed saddened by the events of the day, feeling as though we have not connected? I remember reading a very old book on parenting written in the late 1800’s. One of the things that I picked up from this book (which was not written for traumatized children) was that this man understood that… (more…)

It’s A Marathon NOT a Sprint

I tell myself this all the time, and yet on Monday, I was sprinting. For the last couple of days, contemplating Monday has been on my heart. Why did I get so upset? Why did it bother me SOOO MUCH? I actually expected a lot of what happened and I was shocked with myself on how deeply I was personally… (more…)

Settling In….

Sweetie 4 has been home since Friday. The weekend was like another Furlough. She knew what to expect as we continued doing the same things and she had the same schedule. Then came Monday. It was all new to her. She has been away over a year and the dynamics of family life have changed now that 2 of the… (more…)

Reflections

Tomorrow, just one more day, and Sweetie 4 will walk out the doors of the detention center into a new life. But it won’t be a new life with a different family. It will a different life with THIS family. HER family. I cannot express how closely we felt the despair of the possibility that she would not return home.… (more…)

“They Just Need Love”

I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s office with Sweetie 4 for an appointment last year. I traveled from home and she was brought by the juvenile detention center. The transport officer was a very nice lady who was very well meaning. She spoke about how she is the “jail mama” and all the kids call her that. She mentioned it… (more…)

Staying Connected Staying Safe

When parents adopt a child, they responsibly contemplate all sorts of scenarios and difficulties, and prepare to help their new child adjust to family life. There are classes to prepare, all sorts of seminars and books to read. Some parents may already have experience with other adoptions both domestic and international as we did. In fact, we had adopted domesetically… (more…)

48 Hour Furloughs AND The Countdown Begins

Seventeen days from today, Sweetie 4 will be home. HOME…. and WHOLE. Any of you who are regular readers know that the past year and a half has been very hard. Sweetie 4 spun out of control and eventually crossed an uncrossable line. This brought the legal system into our lives, and for a little over a year she has… (more…)

The Twenty-Four Hour Furlough

Sweetie 4 has made it to her first over night furlough. It has been nearly a year since she spent the night in her own bed. She was so excited to be able to come home. A typical furlough is quite busy. Just to give you an idea of what it is like; she has to have objectives to achieve… (more…)

A New Furlough

Yesterday was furlough day again. We had so many praying for us, we could feel your prayers. 🙂 The furlough went wonderfully! It was 180º from the last one! And we pray the cycle in the right direction continues! She was pleasant, and met most of her requirements. She forgot about taking pictures of some of her required objectives, but… (more…)

Self Sabotage

Well, we had our first furlough. I think honestly that it was too long. She did great for about an hour and then it started to slide downwards. It must be surreal being out after being in detention for 10 months. I get that. We did all we could to make sure she was comfortable and accepted. To say we… (more…)

Fine Tuning

Sweetie 4 is continuing to do well in detention. We are so pleased. I KNOW that all of us are excited and believe she is going to do well, but we still have 3 months left. Honestly, I think these are NECESSARY months for her, very much like that of a baby in the womb. They COULD survive at 6… (more…)

Being The Steady…

Somebody asked about disrespect from a teen who said they COULD be verbally abusive and there was nothing the parent could do about it. The question was, what do you say when they say this? First off, ((((HUGS)))) to you. I know this was not a part of the picture you had in mind when expanding your family, and offering… (more…)

Changing Faulty Thinking

There are so many layers to trauma, neglect, abuse, FAS, PTSD, Borderline, it is amazing how thinking can be so off that you almost can’t figure out how to address it. Almost. 🙂 The other day we had a GREAT visit with Sweetie 4. She seems to be moving in a direction that has all of us cheering her on.… (more…)

An Aha Moment again…..

Over the last several years, we have been learning more and more about what abuse and neglect does to the brain. It changes it. I have written long ago about chaos being normal and normal seeming like chaos to the newly adopted child, and that IS true. It is our job as parents to flip that around and help them… (more…)

A Mountain Moving Experience

It has been a while since I wrote an update. So much has happened and oh my goodness! MOUNTAINS HAVE BEEN MOVED! What does that mean? “Mountains have been moved?” It means what seemed IMPOSSIBLE…. Happened. 🙂 As many of you know, Sweetie 4 has been home 5 years and 4 months and 20 days; not that I am counting.… (more…)

BE!

Be a rock today! Be a lighthouse today! Be immovable in love and compassion towards those who need it most. They are usually the ones who present themselves as being unlovable. But when those waves of fear, control, anger and resentment, come crashing up against you… know that you are the solid rock they need in the moment, and the light… (more…)

Progress? I Think So. :)

Last night we had a counseling session at the detention center with Sweetie 4.  We all knew 1 week in advance what this session was going to be about.  Mike and I talked all week about what we might say or what she might say and as we were on our way to go to the session we both looked… (more…)

A New Phase

We are entering a new phase in life.  Girlies are GROWING UP!  So many unexpected things have taken place in the last 2 years.  We have had our ups and downs…. and that means life is NEVER DULL! Sweetie 1 has moved in worth her birth mom.  YES…. I just typed that! This happened last week and I am at… (more…)

An Eventful Week

Wow! What a week!  We had visitation with Sweetie 4,  insurance folks coming around to help with the estimates on our house because of GIANT hail, a scholarship interview for Sweetie 3, a needle biopsy for me in the bottom of my foot, visiting a sweet friend at Scottish Rite Hospital, as her son graduated from the hospital today, and… (more…)

“What Is Your Need?”

We visited with Sweetie 4 last night.  It was a good visit. 🙂 All day, I had been pondering a quote from Dr. Karyn Purvis: “I have never met a child who can’t come to deep levels of healing, if you understand their need.” I pondered this for a couple of days and it got me to thinking, “What is her… (more…)

Karyn’s Work On Earth Is Completed

It is with great sadness that I read this yesterday. But we also rejoice that Dr. Purvis is no longer in pain. She is completely whole, and the work that she did HERE, will forever make a difference in the lives of children from hard places and the families that love them so. Rest well at the feet of Christ,… (more…)

The DEVASTATION of Pornography On This Generation

I went to visit Sweetie 4 tonight.  She was in very good spirits and we had a wonderful talk.  I haven’t seen her so delightful in a very long time, so it was quite refreshing to hear her talk about her art work and how the pod officers believe she should go to the Julliard School of the Arts in… (more…)

Addicted to Trauma? Rejection? Drama?

I wasn’t sure what else to title this.  So, I am wanting to explore some thoughts I had in the middle of the night. Do you ever just wake up in the middle of the night with “aha” moments and some quiet, clear time to think? That is what happened to me last night. I have been pondering the events… (more…)

The Struggle

When raising wounded children, we do our best to educate ourselves, find new strategies, therapies, psychiatrists, medications and alternative nutritional strategies.  And many times when trying  to navigate a very unknown, limited, and nearly secretive mine field of mental health, we feel blindfolded in a dark room, yet expected to have answers that many times don’t exist. Both Mike and… (more…)

Blindsided Again…Sort Of

I’m not even sure what to think honestly.  I wrote in the post below about Sweetie calling home saying, “Mommy! I need you!!!” Then, yesterday happened. It was visitation time.  Now we have been visiting Sweetie 4 between 3 incarcerations and 2 psychiatric stays, and she has always come to visit.  Not so last night. When we arrived, the officer… (more…)

It’s Not About The Paper

Have you ever seen that video clip, “It’s not about the nail?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg We had one of those moments today. Sweetie 4 and I had a psychiatric appointment today.  It was stressful and full of difficult discussion. She called tonight, using her birthday gift ( phone calls) and was sobbing on the other end of the line. “Mama, I need… (more…)

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