Category Archives: Trauma

They Won’t vs. They Can’t!

Have you ever thought about how one time your child can do something, and then the next time they can’t? Ever think it is willful disobedience or they are faking it? Try looking at it this way: One time, they can do their homework and the next time they can’t, think about the trauma brain and ESPECIALLY the FAS brain.… (more…)

BCLC Creativity

BCLC Creativity 🙂 A little girl who shall remain Unnamed gave me permission to write this. 🙂 Over the last few days, I had noticed our sweet little Noelle’s (all our girl’s middle names are Noelle which means God’s Gift) behavior taking an unpleasant shift. She was being grouchy, only thinking of herself and not others, and just had a… (more…)

Seven Years Ago part 3

Well, after 14 days in NC at a hotel, with a pool, we flew home. Sweetie had been the perfect guest and was excited to meet her new family. We had many talks during that 2 week period and she began to open up just a little bit about what had happened to her in her short life. I was… (more…)

Seven Years Ago

Oh My!!! A LOT has transpired in seven short years! Seven years ago today, we got a call saying, “Remember that little girl we told you about in October? Are you still interested? If so, you need to be in NC tomorrow!” And with that, our prayers were answered, and our lives were changed…. as was the life of our… (more…)

Thoughts on Lying

I was reminded recently through a conversation that lying can be a perplexing and stressful part of raising our children. Many of our children, though they may even be teens and tweens, are behind developmentally, and lying is a part of what they do, by habit. Lying for absolutely NO reason, is not uncommon. If you are experiencing this, do… (more…)

When Trauma Invades

When Trauma Invades written August 30, 2011 My fellow bloggy world friend Annie posted on this topic last week. I wanted to share more of our own experiences regarding how Trauma invades in interpretation of events. Part of this comes from my own life experiences, and the rest from what we have observed with the girls. When I was a… (more…)

Washed in the Love of Christ

Rejection hurts. But you know what? Isn’t that how our kids feel? Isn’t that how they got to be with us in the first place? For an adoption to take place, there has to be a rejection, right? For some kids, they are able to heal, and we have experienced and been a part of that process for many years.… (more…)

A New Phase

We were doing really well. WERE. FAS wreaks havoc on families. It is a demon that sometimes cannot be controlled… For some children it effects their bodies, or facial images, for others it has permanent lasting impact on the reasoning in their brain. We have that impact. Sweetie 4 had decided at 17, her birthday, she would run away from… (more…)

Settling In….

Sweetie 4 has been home since Friday. The weekend was like another Furlough. She knew what to expect as we continued doing the same things and she had the same schedule. Then came Monday. It was all new to her. She has been away over a year and the dynamics of family life have changed now that 2 of the… (more…)

Reflections

Tomorrow, just one more day, and Sweetie 4 will walk out the doors of the detention center into a new life. But it won’t be a new life with a different family. It will a different life with THIS family. HER family. I cannot express how closely we felt the despair of the possibility that she would not return home.… (more…)

“They Just Need Love”

I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s office with Sweetie 4 for an appointment last year. I traveled from home and she was brought by the juvenile detention center. The transport officer was a very nice lady who was very well meaning. She spoke about how she is the “jail mama” and all the kids call her that. She mentioned it… (more…)

Staying Connected Staying Safe

When parents adopt a child, they responsibly contemplate all sorts of scenarios and difficulties, and prepare to help their new child adjust to family life. There are classes to prepare, all sorts of seminars and books to read. Some parents may already have experience with other adoptions both domestic and international as we did. In fact, we had adopted domesetically… (more…)

The Twenty-Four Hour Furlough

Sweetie 4 has made it to her first over night furlough. It has been nearly a year since she spent the night in her own bed. She was so excited to be able to come home. A typical furlough is quite busy. Just to give you an idea of what it is like; she has to have objectives to achieve… (more…)

The TWELVE HOUR Furlough

We had 12 hours together yesterday! Oh my heart! It went so well. We picked her up before church services and she bravely went with us. 🙂 She saw all sorts of familiar faces who welcomed her with open arms. I’m so thankful for that! We went out to lunch with friends and then headed home to work in her… (more…)

A New Day-A New Chapter

I have to say the last few days have been soul searching, as we were writing back and forth with Sweetie’s counselor, and discussing future ideas with our social worker, and then visiting Sweetie at the center. We could feel the prayers of the Saints who pray for us daily and we are so thankful. I visited Sweetie 4 on… (more…)

Self Sabotage

Well, we had our first furlough. I think honestly that it was too long. She did great for about an hour and then it started to slide downwards. It must be surreal being out after being in detention for 10 months. I get that. We did all we could to make sure she was comfortable and accepted. To say we… (more…)

Being The Steady…

Somebody asked about disrespect from a teen who said they COULD be verbally abusive and there was nothing the parent could do about it. The question was, what do you say when they say this? First off, ((((HUGS)))) to you. I know this was not a part of the picture you had in mind when expanding your family, and offering… (more…)

Changing Faulty Thinking

There are so many layers to trauma, neglect, abuse, FAS, PTSD, Borderline, it is amazing how thinking can be so off that you almost can’t figure out how to address it. Almost. 🙂 The other day we had a GREAT visit with Sweetie 4. She seems to be moving in a direction that has all of us cheering her on.… (more…)

Progress? I Think So. :)

Last night we had a counseling session at the detention center with Sweetie 4.  We all knew 1 week in advance what this session was going to be about.  Mike and I talked all week about what we might say or what she might say and as we were on our way to go to the session we both looked… (more…)

“What Is Your Need?”

We visited with Sweetie 4 last night.  It was a good visit. 🙂 All day, I had been pondering a quote from Dr. Karyn Purvis: “I have never met a child who can’t come to deep levels of healing, if you understand their need.” I pondered this for a couple of days and it got me to thinking, “What is her… (more…)

Addicted to Trauma? Rejection? Drama?

I wasn’t sure what else to title this.  So, I am wanting to explore some thoughts I had in the middle of the night. Do you ever just wake up in the middle of the night with “aha” moments and some quiet, clear time to think? That is what happened to me last night. I have been pondering the events… (more…)

Blindsided Again…Sort Of

I’m not even sure what to think honestly.  I wrote in the post below about Sweetie calling home saying, “Mommy! I need you!!!” Then, yesterday happened. It was visitation time.  Now we have been visiting Sweetie 4 between 3 incarcerations and 2 psychiatric stays, and she has always come to visit.  Not so last night. When we arrived, the officer… (more…)

It’s Not About The Paper

Have you ever seen that video clip, “It’s not about the nail?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg We had one of those moments today. Sweetie 4 and I had a psychiatric appointment today.  It was stressful and full of difficult discussion. She called tonight, using her birthday gift ( phone calls) and was sobbing on the other end of the line. “Mama, I need… (more…)

Ten Years….

Ten years ago, we were in Ukraine.  As many of you know, we have a book in the editing process. I wanted to share an excerpt from it here, in honor of Sweetie 3’s 10th anniversary. 🙂 This is a small part of section 3. VISITING The first days of visiting were great. We would get up and Andrew would… (more…)

Visiting and Singing and Things….

Tonight, Mike and I visited Sweetie 4.  She is doing really well. She was talking about all the things she got to do during her childhood at home. Apparently they talked about this in group therapy today, and she was thinking about how much fun she had while she was home. She was expressing thankfulness that we let her be… (more…)

Processing The Weekend

This week was wonderful and sad.  It was full of joy and full of heartache.  Isn’t that just like real life?  We don’t all live in fairy tale land where everything is perfectly wrapped up each and every holiday with a nice little ribbon.  We live real. 🙂  And REAL is what matters in life. The great things about the… (more…)

Trauma and Holidays

Originally written in November 2011 with addendum 2015 I have written about our children’s internal clock, and how Holidays can wreak havoc on a child who has suffered much in life. We are not strangers to Trauma, or Anniversaries.   Those anniversaries are usually not positive!  They bring back memories and our children suffer so. Over the years, I have found… (more…)

CONNECTED!

Visiting Sweetie 4 on Thursday evening  didn’t go so well.  She wound up leaving the visit asking  demanding  for me never come back , saying that she would refuse my visits. I have to say, that had never happened before in any of our visits.  So this was new.  It wasn’t without trepidation that I returned to visit this a.m. She wasn’t… (more…)

An “Ah-Ha” Moment

Peace VS. Chaos After our visit on Thursday evening, we were discussing the events that lead up to incarceration, and what things are like now. As predicted, Sweetie 4 was fine. She appeared to be calm and was smiling when we came in.  She was asking about granola bars that she likes and was a little worried she might not… (more…)

VISITING

Tonight we will be visiting with Sweetie 4 at the detention center.  I have not seen her since Monday.  We  don’t know what to expect, other than the usual smell of the center when you walk in, the heavy doors, the buzzer that locks you into a room and the glass window that divides us and keeps us from being… (more…)

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