Category Archives: Trauma

FACING FEAR

So last night, when Sweetie 4 came home from school, I let her know that her paperwork arrived from the doctor. He approved her to try out for track and field!  She has been looking forward to this for weeks, and has been asking and asking,”When is he going to send the letter?” It came. Her reaction was just as… (more…)

Sweetie 4 Turned 15!!

Our 4 year anniversary is quickly coming up (March 2nd) and Sweetie 4 has turned 15!  She is far from the little girl we picked up in North Carolina 4 years ago!  So much has happened! She is growing up!!! Her bio sister and brother in law came down and surprised her for her birthday. It was really fun! I… (more…)

Sweetie’s Choice

Many years ago, when Sweetie 4 was 7, she was removed from her tiny village, along with her brothers and sister and placed in an orphanage. She said that was the first car ride she ever remembered. Sweetie had a very tumultuous life, but she didn’t really know that, because it was all she knew.  There was a serenity about… (more…)

FITTING IN AND LOVING IT

As you all know, Sweeties 1, 2 and 4 are in Public school now, and Sweetie 3 is home schooling and doing dual college credit classes at our local Jr. College. Everybody is doing really great! Sweetie 4 however, does have anxiety over doing well at school. She is a bit of a perfectionist so I hear things like, ”… (more…)

Memory and Trauma

Sweetie 3 is attending college this year as a 16 year old. She is doing well, and her first class is Russian.  She has been studying Russian for a couple of years, but is now at the level of conversational Russian, in college! Today, she mentioned that while she was listening to “Conversational Russian”, she had an emotional feeling, “Like… (more…)

Butterflies Flying

Oh my words! I cannot describe accurately the last few days. Our lives are changing.  The girls are growing up.  I so love these years! Where did my girls start from? Chaos. Neglect. Unspeakable Abuse! Abandonment! Pain! Three came from other countries, Russia and Ukraine. One came from the faraway land of Oklahoma, drowning in the foster care system. Two… (more…)

Being A Team: Working Things Out

Some of you have been reading my posts for many years, some of you are new.  If you are an old reader, thank you for reading! If you are  new reader, Welcome!!! I used to blog in a family blog setting with names and pictures, but the girls are older now, and there were a few creeps along the way,… (more…)

Processing the Weekend

This weekend, Sweetie 4’s biological sister, got married to her childhood sweetheart.  It was a beautiful, lovely wedding. Sweetie 4 was a bridesmaid.  She was lovely; beaming! The wedding took place in Oklahoma, where Sweetie 4 lived when she came home from Russia.  It is also where Sweetie 1 lived when she was in foster care. To say the dynamics… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2  originally written in 2009 I was talking with somebody the other day, and over the last few months, more than one person…. about BCLC and how it works.  There are so many mis understandings about it, and I think maybe clarifying would be very helpful for those trying to put… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control originally written March 2009 I have had many conversations over the last couple of years about the approach we use with our children. It wasn’t until after a post yesterday that I actually understood where the confusion comes from when folks don’t quite understand. I don’t think the approach is really that… (more…)

Understanding The Severely Neglected Child

Understanding The  Severely Neglected Child All of our girls suffered terrible neglect, some longer than others, but two of them in particular developed survival skills that were entrenched in their little souls to the point that it seemed they were clutching those survival skills  with all their might, terrified for any changes to be made.  While they both wanted to… (more…)

So Many Things We Are Learning!

The last couple of weeks have been a time of learning and pain.  Our Sweetie 4, has been suffering through some turmoil.  There have been times these last two weeks where we have changed the scenery more than once a day!   Our last post placement report was completed, and she was thrilled about that. However, she has been struggling in… (more…)

Residual Fears

Today I took Miss Sweetie 4  grocery shopping with me. When we were finished putting the groceries in the car, I asked  her to put the basket in the basket area and I’d drive over and meet her there. I pulled up and she was all smiles getting into the car. That smile reminded me of the first time I… (more…)

Reflections On 3 Years 2 Months 23 Days and More…

Today our sweet social worker came over for our very last post placement report to Russia.  She has been doing our post placement reports and home studies since 2003. When we found out about our fourth daughter, Sweetie 4,  three and a half  years ago, we talked with our social worker on the phone, and the overall conversation was good,… (more…)

Peering Over The Edge

Peering Over The Edge  originally written in May 2013 In my last post,I wrote about why traumatized children cling to chaos.  Today, I’d like to write a little bit more about our experience this past week.  It was a journey into chaos and the journey back out.  Please join me. 🙂 As many who read my blog know, our newest… (more…)

Focusing on Relationship

I wanted to write a little bit about focusing on relationship and not behavior. This is one of the hardest things to explain, especially to hurting parents. Questions might be, “Do you mean you want me to reward bad behavior?” Of course not. But there is a cycle we can get stuck in, and as the adult, you can either… (more…)

To Celebrate or To Not Celebrate

That is a big question for those of us with children who come to us with trauma, baggage behavior issues and more. When our girls were really little, with just 2 of them home, I actually considered not having a Christmas tree or having a big celebration because it seemed the “tree in the living room” was causing some real… (more…)

Today

What a day! Spring is in the air…. It is BEAUTIFUL, Humid and GREEN! It is also “Trauma Season”. Last year when our social worker was talking to us, she said “Sweetie 4 has so many anniversaries for trauma, it is year round.” It is true that Sweetie 4 has endured so much hardship in her life, and there are… (more…)

Grief Revisited

Grief Revisited Originally written April 2014 Grief is a process that sometimes comes in waves.  You will be doing just fine and then it hits you once again.  You had a tragedy in your family long ago, or more recently.  Suddenly, grief is upon you and the emotions are there once again because there is something new to process and… (more…)

Keeping Short Accounts

Keeping Short Accounts originally written April 2013 Have you ever heard the saying, “Keep Short Accounts”? Many times it is used in reference to marriage.  Don’t hold grudges or keep lists of the wrongs or seeming wrongs your spouse has committed towards you. It is the same with our children, especially children who have come from hard places, or trauma… (more…)

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1 Originally written April 2013 Miss Sweetie 4 has been doing so awesome…. Every time,  when it has been a long time since any kind of meltdown or disobedience, I forget that she is still very newly home.  When I am reminded, like last night, I run the equation in my head.  She… (more…)

Thoughts About “Correction That Connects”

Thoughts About …..Correction That Connects Originally written June 2012 Our children’s beginnings… Tonight, we covered “The Connected Child” chapter 2 at our support group. I could barely get through this chapter without weeping.  Reading it once again reminded me of how NEGLECTED our children were, before they came home. 🙁 But I was also reminded of the FOUR MIRACLES that… (more…)

The Internal Clock Visits Again

The Internal Clock Visits Again Originally written August 2012 I wrote a post called “The Unseen Clock” last year.  It was around this time last year that Sweetie 4 was having some behaviors that caused me to believe something else was going on; and it was about how we talked about it. I have written before in older posts about… (more…)

REJECTION, BULLYING and the VICTIM FACTOR

REJECTION, BULLYING and the VICTIM FACTOR originally written in December 2012 Once again, I would like to cite this artice, as I did in my previous post. There is an elephant sitting in the living room and I think it needs to be discussed. (for my foreign readers, an elephant in the living room means there is something obvious that… (more…)

Turning a Failure Into A Success! OR The Bathroom Floor SAGA….

Turning a Failure Into A Success! OR The Bathroom Floor SAGA…. originally written February 2013 It was just today that I read part of a devotional by Sally Clarkson where she talked about praying in her room, spending time with the Lord and then came out to see her boys having a pillow fight by some precious keepsakes.  She asked,… (more…)

On Being A Mother To Formerly Traumatized Children

On Being A Mother To Formerly Traumatized Children originally written January 2013  Today, Sweetie 4 and I went for a drive. I needed to take her with me to do a “parts run” for Mike.  It was a 2 hour diversion. I didn’t think it would be good to leave her home for that long without me there. She is… (more…)

Staying Loving and Constant and Firm and Supportive and…..

Being that bridge to get to the other side is vital! Parenting children is just the most blessed thing! It is blessed and trying and fun and eventful all rolled into one. For those parenting the average child, born into your home through love, it is challenging and joyful. For those parenting the child who comes into your home through… (more…)

Teaching Empathy… Updated

Teaching Empathy Updated originally written in 2008… then updated in 2011.  I was going over some notes that I had written about our earlier years with the girls, before Sweetie 4 came home.  I forgot that I had already blogged about teaching Empathy.  So, instead of re writing it, I wanted to add to it and update it.                                                    Teaching… (more…)

A New Level of Wow!

As I just wrote earlier, our 3 year anniversary has passed for Sweetie 4,  and we celebrated. It seems that all 4 of our sweeties have moved into a stride of love, acceptance and security. I have dreamed of this day coming again…. where all  just felt “right”. Before Sweetie 4 had come home, we were in a good place… (more…)

Memories

Memories Originally Written September 2011 I wrote earlier this month about “The Unseen Clock“. I am going to extrapolate a little more on this issue as it is relevant in our family right now. 🙂 I just want to say, I am learning so much right now about trusting in my Lord.  I have been called again and again to… (more…)

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