Category Archives: Trauma

Memories

Memories Originally Written September 2011 I wrote earlier this month about “The Unseen Clock“. I am going to extrapolate a little more on this issue as it is relevant in our family right now. 🙂 I just want to say, I am learning so much right now about trusting in my Lord.  I have been called again and again to… (more…)

The Unseen Clock and An Update

THE UNSEEN CLOCK Originally written August 2011 when Sweetie 4 had been home just 5 months. We have had such a smooth couple of weeks. Really…. everything has been surprisingly smooth! In fact, yesterday when we went to the Library, Sweetie 4 was so cute because she was wanting me to look at each book to make sure it was… (more…)

The Great Chain Breaker, plus an update

The Great Chain Breaker originally written in December 2008 Update following article…. I remember long ago reading about abuse, alcoholism, and any other ism you want to think of. Psychologists and psychiatrists said, these things run in families, they are disorders, they run in cycles; chances are, if you were abused, you will abuse, if your parents were alcoholics, you… (more…)

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change I know I talk about LOVE a lot.  BCLC’s motto is LOVE NEVER FAILS…. The Scripture says that Perfect Love Casts Out Fear….  LOVE is so very important in each of our lives. It is the driving force behind decisions we make, how we treat others, and how we view the world. Trying to imagine… (more…)

Relationship First Part 1

Hopeful faces desiring a family: Little ones just wanting a  mama and a papa: Our little one… Sweetie 3, Shouting “Bye Bye Ukraine” at the top of her lungs! 🙂 When we adopt a child and bring them into our homes and lives, it is so very important to remember that they have had a life before us.  They have… (more…)

Those PTSD Moments

Those Puzzling, Traumautic, Stressful, Dramas….. that can happen can challenge us to our knees in prayer. They are the hidden blessings in our lives that drive us to reach beyond ourselves and remind us that God is in control;  and He LOVES us, no matter what.  He never, EVER EVER gives up on us; never EVER, and is our example… (more…)

MEETING OUR CHILDREN’S MULTI LEVEL NEEDS

MEETING OUR CHILDREN’S MULTI LEVEL NEEDS or High Control is Not the Answer Originally written in July 2011 I could not think of a title for this post, so it may change…..:) I was having a conversation with another adoptive parent regarding emotional ages of our children vs. actual age, or intellectual age.  I also read a few notes on… (more…)

An Update on When Older Acts Younger

I wrote in July 2011 about our Sweetie 4’s play habits, here. It has been almost 3 years and I’d like to give an update about this area of her development. There is a huge difference in her since she came home, of course. She has grown up quite a bit. She just turned 14, and much of her time… (more…)

When Older Acts Younger

When Older Acts Younger Originally written July 2011 We are going through the crazy play that much littler kids go through.  It is the typical tornado type play of much younger children when they are having GREAT fun, without the knowledge of destruction that they leave behind….. Today, I followed a path of mud pies, cups left with water, a… (more…)

Anniversary Time

Three years ago at this time, Sweetie 4 was laying in bed at night hearing loud fighting.  The people who were supposed to care for her were fighting over her.  One wanted to keep her, the other didn’t.  Attorneys were involved, an agency involved, social workers, (all of which she had no idea about) She also didn’t know that we… (more…)

Escalating and Deescalating

I was asked by a new reader to write about how we have handled aggression in our home when it has occurred. First off, let me say that every child is different, and the reasons for the violence or aggression will be as individual as the child. One thing is for sure though; children who have suffered trauma, be that… (more…)

On Being Fake

ON BEING FAKE I have heard many different twists to the word FAKE in relation to bonding with our children. The most common one I have read is,  “Fake it until you make it.” I don’t like using the word FAKE or the connection it has to “shallow” and “deception”. I also don’t like it because children can very well… (more…)

Relationships

When Sweetie 4 came home, we did not know what to expect.  She was a charm when I picked her up in NC and stayed in a hotel there for 2 weeks until our ICPC paperwork went through and we could return to Texas. I remember cracking up laughing with Mike when the girlies asked, “Will she be mean to… (more…)

An Update Before We Start the New Year!

I pray that you have all been blessed throughout the year, and that healing is taking place in your hearts and the hearts of your children. I was reminded very recently that I needed to go back and read my own post, “Parenting According to Emotional Age!”  🙂 We have been moving right along with Sweetie 4, as this was… (more…)

Problems or Solutions?

When we are working through adjustments with our children, how we view the task at hand can be a deciding factor in our success! Are we blinded by all of the problems, focusing in on the negative ?  Or do we see those problems as stepping stones towards something beautiful  while seeking a positive solution? In the midst of storms… (more…)

Tools For Coping

I wrote in my last post that I was going to discuss different tools that have helped our children cope behaviors that are most likely due to past trauma and neglect. 1. Permission to have a quiet place. Holidays can be very stressful and fearful for some children.  They may be masking it on the outside really well, but underneath… (more…)

Memories and The Sense of Smell

Today, Sweetie 4 and I went grocery shopping at Sprouts Super Market.  They have this little area for tasting coffee.  They had a flavored coffee “Texas Pecan”, and I wanted to just taste it.  So I did. INSTANTLY, and I DO MEAN INSTANTLY, a memory popped into my head from 25 years ago! My memory  was of Mike and I… (more…)

So You Are Moving To…..

Tonight I was standing by the Fireplace and Sweetie 1 came up and gave me a big hug! We were adoring each other and I pushed her hair back affectionately and said, “So, you are moving…”  and I didn’t finish the sentence. Her countenance went from adoring to FEAR! And I finished the sentence…. “Into Sweetie 2’s room after Christmas!”… (more…)

Refreshing

Our Support Group is going to go through Karyn Purvis’s book, “The Connected Child” once again.  I have been through this book 4 times now, and I am amazed at how much I glean from reading, every time! The First Chapter was perfect for this week. Sweetie 4 has been bouncing back and forth between old trauma behaviors and everyday,… (more…)

Lingering Fears- Conversations With My 13 Year Old

It has been 2 years and 8 1/2 months since Sweetie 4 came home to be with us. She is doing awesome and we are so thankful for her progress. A few things that we continue to work on have to do with fear and shame. Many times she will perceive that we are not happy with her or that… (more…)

Human Children! Hello! :)

Human Children! Hello! 🙂 originally written in 2009 I took Sweetie 3 out for a mommy daughter lunch today. I try to take each of our children out once a month for mommy time, and daddy does the same. We went to a restaurant during “off hours” so we didn’t feel rushed and just sat and adored each other. (for… (more…)

But What About Consequences???

But What About Consequences?? An Alternate Title Would Be…. “What About Punishment?”“If you were pulled over by a policeman, because you were speeding, shouldn’t you get a ticket?” What I DESERVE vs. What I HOPE for, can be very different.  Would you WANT a ticket?  Or would you WANT mercy? I know for me, I would want mercy!  I have… (more…)

So Can Change Really Happen?? REALLY?

So Can Change REALLY Happen?? REALLY? originally written: June 2013 Oh You Bet It Can!   I was casually talking with a sweet lady who said she read a poster in an office that stated something along the lines of “You are your history!” It was suggesting that there is no real change.  If you come from a difficult background… (more…)

When The Love Bucket Has A Hole

Originally written in August of 2012 Have you had the experience of a child who wants, wants WANTS  EVERYTHING, yet nothing seems to satisfy their wanton desires? Me too….. The child who has had NOTHING, now wants EVERYTHING and SOME is just not enough,  is a child who has a whole in their love bucket.   It is a tricky task… (more…)

Tell Them They Are Precious

One of the things that we have found with our own children, when they have come into our family, is that they have no idea how precious they are. Instead, because of rejection, in some cases multiple rejections, neglect, and abuse, the idea of being precious didn’t even enter their minds. Instead, they saw themselves as unwanted, unlovable, ugly, and… (more…)

What If They Don’t Respond

I was talking to a couple of folks yesterday about children who have great shame and do not respond well to the slightest of correction.  It will send them into rages. I cannot stress enough how this behavior is a STRONG FEAR based and SHAME based behavior. They are unable to receive correction, because they tie their value and worth… (more…)

Hard Days Come Before Rainbows

Today is a Rainbow day.  Yesterday, not so much.   Sweetie 4 was convinced that I was mad at her.  I didn’t act mad at her.  I didn’t say anything unkind to her.  I didn’t even raise my voice towards her. But she was convinced! So what did she do?  She worked herself into a frenzy saying I was mad at… (more…)

INDELIBLE

Indelible Originally written July 2012 Keri asked, what was written on my heart; indelible.  I had to look up the meaning of indelible. 🙂 “Etched, permanently”….. There is something written on my heart; indelible. 🙂 I would like to share it.  Hopefully, I live it, every day. The Love of Christ is written on my heart. The GOSPEL, good news,… (more…)

Sweetie 3 and The Boy from Baby House 10

Sweetie 3 and The Boy from Baby House 10 originally written April 2011 I just finished watching “The Boy from Baby House 10“, and it hurt to watch it.  It hurt because of how many babies are determined to be misfits, unwanted, cast off, and then it is determined that they can be treated in such a way that it… (more…)

A Guest Post: THIRTY

I read this blog post today and it really touched my heart.  This post has been written by an adult adoptee who was removed from his home with his siblings. It is refreshing and also a call for us to consider our lives and our priorities. Not all people should adopt, but many don’t, out of fear. Please read and… (more…)

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