Category Archives: Trauma

Finding Joy In The Journey

Finding Joy In The Journey originally written February 2013 I wrote yesterday about Adoption Fantasy vs. Adoption Reality. <—linked Today, I’d like to follow up that post by sharing some personal experiences.  Aus and Co. commented on that post and hit the nail on the head!  Sometimes the “wheels fall off  the wagon for no apparent reason”….. and we are… (more…)

Walking Through A Re-Do…

I would like to walk you through an actual re-do.  This happened in our home today, so it is still fresh on my mind. We have been having a really wonderful season of peacefulness.  But Sweetie 4 began to stress about her brother.  He does not live in our home. Sweetie 4 came to us after a disruption. She has… (more…)

Let’s Try That Again….

One of the things we have been working really hard on, is trying again. Have you ever heard the phrase; “If you don’t succeed, try, try again?” It is a great phrase for our kids! 🙂 But…. Add to that phrase, “If you don’t succeed, try, try again, this time with respect!” 🙂 Do Overs are a great way to… (more…)

Ten Steps Forward

I always say, “When our children take 3 steps back, STAY THE COUSE, because they are getting ready catapult TEN steps forward!” This is where we are right now with Sweetie 4. Sweetie 4 has been home with us for 2 years and 7 months. We are about to celebrate our THIRD Thanksgiving together; our THIRD Christmas together and our… (more…)

Letting Our Children Tell Their Story

Every once in a while, our children will talk about their birth mothers.  Only one remembers her mother well.  One remembers her mother slightly, and the other two never really knew their mothers, except in the womb. If you have not read Nancy Verrier’s book “The Primal Wound“, I highly recommend it. It is a fascinating book about pre birth… (more…)

Listening To Trauma

I am so thankful for our Mom Dad and Me books.  They have been vital, especially for Sweetie 4 as she continues to process and work through understanding relationships. We have been having such wonderful days and nights, connecting and just functioning as a family. That is always a time to be on the look out, because just as wonderful… (more…)

Challenges

There are many challenges that we face when bringing a new child into our home.  As the grieving process begins, it can look very much like anger, resentment, stubbornness, disobedience and more. A wise parent will recognize it for what it is;  grief and fear. There is a world of difference in how simple willfulness is handled verses grief. That… (more…)

Hunger

  Many of our children have experienced HUNGER.  In fact, all 4 of our sweeties at some point experienced hunger, due to pure neglect. Sweetie 4 has only been home just 2 and a half years.  During that time we have made sure that she has had ample food.  She is free to eat healthy foods whenever she needs them,… (more…)

Do You Go Into Your Child’s World?

Do You Go Into Your Child’s World? originally written  December 2012 One of the best ways to understand a child, is to go into their world of imagination and experience and look at things from their perspective. If we don’t see things how they perceive or view them, we will have difficulty trying to draw them out into a more… (more…)

Heart-Rending…..

Today, I babysat my grandsons…… This is my youngest grand son.  Grand-Sweetie 11,  is 5 months old. I had him in his “front loader”….”back breaker”. 🙂 It is a carrier for babies.  Oh how I loved these things. When his daddy was a baby, he loved it. It was called a “Snugli”. This little guy loves it too! I couldn’t… (more…)

Uncovering The Fear Of Rejection

Our sweetie 4  has been home for two and a half years and has experienced tremendous personal healing.  There is however an area where she still has a great amount of fear. She fears rejection, and therefore is very guarded when it comes to outside relationships. The funny thing is, she is quite friendly and likeable!  When she lets her… (more…)

Helping Older Kid’s Achieve, When They Are Emotionally Younger

Helping Older Kid’s Achieve, When They Are Emotionally Younger  originally written April 2012 I remember when the boys were little, I had charts for them where they would get stars for completing a responsibility or for good behavior.   They would look at the picture chart and be able to understand what they were supposed to do.  It was VERY helpful… (more…)

The Conditioning Of The Heart

The Conditioning of the Heart  originally written December 2010 My heart just aches for children who suffer.  Sometimes it is just too much to think about and so I distract myself….. but it always comes back to the fogotten, the outcast, the downcast, the unwanted, abused, the neglected…… As parents, especially those of us living in Countries where we have… (more…)

Parenting Ahead

Parenting AHEAD  (originally written  February 2012 (Both of my angels were adopted because of disruption) I posted earlier about Children not being adults here.  I wanted to follow up with a few thoughts on Parental Leadership. Our children, especially our children who have come home at older ages, have no understanding of leadership, or their need for parents.  Yes, they… (more…)

Children Are Not Little Adults

Children are NOT Little Adults (originally written  February 2012   Thank you Mike for helping to write this. 🙂 Children are NOT little Adults. They do not think like adults.  They do not reason like adults. And many times, I think WE adults, interpret their behaviors and actions, as if we were dealing with other adults. Children do not fully… (more…)

FEAR and RELATIONSHIP

Fear and Relationship ( originally written November 2012) For those of you who have children who came to you with MULTIPLE, OVERSTUFFED Trauma bags, I pray this post can bring you hope. I have written much over the years about Trauma and FEAR and how our children, because of literally living day in and day out in a state of… (more…)

Issues With the Older Adopted Child

Issues With The Older Adopted Child (originally written in October 2011) There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) The questions have been asked, if  those children can have successful adoptions. I would like to explain… (more…)

Issues With the Older Adopted Child part 2

  Issues With The Older Adopted Child part 2 (written November 2011) I wrote a post on issues that older adopted children face here. In this post, I would like to discuss issues of insecurities a child faces when they come into an already existing, functioning family. Many of the older children who come home, come home to a family… (more…)

Control and Insecurity

When a child is trying to take control of things, it is most likely that they are feeling quite out of control inside. We had a scenario play out in our family over the last couple of days that I’d like to share. Sweetie #4, was wanting to get new shorts for her exercise class. We agreed another pair of… (more…)

TRIGGERS

Triggers Originally Written in January 2009 Our Friday night tradition of Pizza and a movie continues, and then we all retreat to camp in mom and dad’s room for the night. It is usually a peaceful sleep, but last night was a little different. The sleeping arrangements were changed. This time Sweetie 3 slept on the cot at the end… (more…)

All About Losing

All About Losing written: Feb 2008 I have been thinking about the issue of loss and losing . We are almost 2 years down the Road with Sweetie 3, and 3 with Sweetie 2,  and 4 with Sweetie 1. Yet, the issue of loss is always there. YES there are gains, but there are also losses. Every birthday, they are… (more…)

An Important Message

An Important Message (originally written July 2010) I usually don’t read psychology today. In fact, I have never read it. 🙂 But today, a fellow adoptive mother sent an article that is VERY MUCH WORTH READING! The title of the article is “Kidnapped or Saved” How some children feel about being adopted. It was written after Justin was sent back… (more…)

Child Abuse and Adoption

Child Abuse and Adoption (originally written Feb. 2011) I was sickened and horrified to read about yet another child abuse/murder case of an adopted child/children.  It is just too much….. We are all capable of much sin, I know this…… and I also know there are stresses out there with parenting that can bring you to the brink…… but honestly,… (more…)

Role Play

We had a huge weekend that began last Thursday when we left to go to the Russian Embassy to get Sweetie 4’s passport. Of course, on Wednesday night, she was scared to go and declared that she was NOT going to go! And we could not force her!  We comforted her in her fear, and then asked “What snacks do… (more…)

Angry Episodes and Impulse Control Issues

This post was written in June/13 One reader asked : “How do you coach a child through an angry episode?”  And, “How do you deal with impulse control issues.” For both of those…. “VERY CAREFULLY!” When a child is angry and has impulse control issues, things can become quite volatile quickly! The best thing you can do is have a… (more…)

Understanding The Fear Factor

Understanding The Fear Factor I wrote a few days ago about how Sweetie 4 felt safer in the orphanage and frightened in America when she first came home. There are  valid questions as to why that would be! How could a seemingly unsafe place without hope and without future seem safer than a loving home WITH a future?  The village… (more…)

Why The Traumatized Child Clings To Chaos

Why The Traumatized Child Clings to Chaos (see previous post related to Chaos topic) For the child of trauma, chaos is their normal.  It can be very frightening to find out that your entire life before, was not normal, even if you didn’t like it, or were fearful of it. Obviously, a child will be relieved in some ways to… (more…)

Stability vs. Chaos,

Stability Vs. Chaos I was just thinking about this today, and thought I would share some of my thoughts with Y’all. When children have lived with extended trauma and instability in their lives, their brains become wired to think that it is NORMAL.  They live at a heightened sense of emotion, and they continue to live in “survival mode”.  They… (more…)

What’s Behind The Behavior?

What’s Behind the Behavior…? (I picked this picture because of all these little hopeful faces. This was taken from our missions trip back to Ukraine a few years ago, and was at Sweetie 2 and Sweetie 3’s old orphanage.  The little boy in blue, was so sweet and cute and smiley, talking in Russian.  He was actually saying, “I’m going… (more…)

When We Need To Change

When We Need To Change There are so many times in parenting that we have to be on our toes, try to navigate 10 steps ahead, and be ready  to meet any challenge.  That is our job as parents. When we are dealing with hurt children, who come from backgrounds full of trauma, we need to be ever more vigilant… (more…)

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