Category Archives: Older Child Adoption

Riding The Tidal Wave of Pain

The last two weeks have been utterly devastating in more ways than I can count.  Our precious little family has been tossed and turned by  waves of pain unimaginable. As I write this, I am comforted and reminded of the fact that we cannot live our children’s lives for them.  We cannot force their healing, but only watch their journey… (more…)

Processing The Weekend

This week was wonderful and sad.  It was full of joy and full of heartache.  Isn’t that just like real life?  We don’t all live in fairy tale land where everything is perfectly wrapped up each and every holiday with a nice little ribbon.  We live real. 🙂  And REAL is what matters in life. The great things about the… (more…)

Big Court

We surprisingly had big court yesterday.  It wasn’t supposed to happen until the 30th, but the attorney managed to get an earlier date. We were given less than 24 hours notice, and yet, our counselor and our pastor were there to be with us. It was awkward.  We were sitting behind sweetie, and she was in handcuffs and leg irons.… (more…)

Trauma and Holidays

Originally written in November 2011 with addendum 2015 I have written about our children’s internal clock, and how Holidays can wreak havoc on a child who has suffered much in life. We are not strangers to Trauma, or Anniversaries.   Those anniversaries are usually not positive!  They bring back memories and our children suffer so. Over the years, I have found… (more…)

A Precious Moment

Today was Sweetie 4’s ARD meeting at the detention center.  She didn’t have a very good visit on Sunday with Mike and I was worried that today wouldn’t be a good time either. BUT… the unexpected happened! I was able to go into the room with the other members of the ARD team and she was there, and NOT behind… (more…)

CONNECTED!

Visiting Sweetie 4 on Thursday evening  didn’t go so well.  She wound up leaving the visit asking  demanding  for me never come back , saying that she would refuse my visits. I have to say, that had never happened before in any of our visits.  So this was new.  It wasn’t without trepidation that I returned to visit this a.m. She wasn’t… (more…)

An “Ah-Ha” Moment

Peace VS. Chaos After our visit on Thursday evening, we were discussing the events that lead up to incarceration, and what things are like now. As predicted, Sweetie 4 was fine. She appeared to be calm and was smiling when we came in.  She was asking about granola bars that she likes and was a little worried she might not… (more…)

VISITING

Tonight we will be visiting with Sweetie 4 at the detention center.  I have not seen her since Monday.  We  don’t know what to expect, other than the usual smell of the center when you walk in, the heavy doors, the buzzer that locks you into a room and the glass window that divides us and keeps us from being… (more…)

So There Is This Boy…. :)

The Sweeties are getting older.  Sometimes I miss the days of this:    But these days are precious too….They are just the beginning of more change. 🙂 AND CHANGE THERE HAS BEEN…. There are now “Homecoming Dances” and respectful requests to talk to “Dad”….. And pictures with good friends And special friends….. Daddy is still very special…. 🙂 And he still… (more…)

Order to Apprehend

Yeah, that is a fancy way to say there was a warrant issued for Sweetie 4’s arrest.  She was apprehended at school today. Once again, Sweetie 4 has found herself in the middle of turmoil, drama and incarceration. We are at a loss for words.  The only thing a parent can do if a child is dead set on destruction, is cry out… (more…)

TEAM WORK

What a trail we have plodded in the last year and a half!  Sweetie 4 began to spiral out of control about that long ago.  Since then, we have been building a team to help us navigate through the tough job of parenting a child with such a difficult background, who is struggling with mental health, behavioral, hormonal, esteem, and… (more…)

Catching Up

Well, school has been in full swing for about 7 weeks and the girls are all doing well.  Testing has begun for sweetie 4 at the local high school to make sure she is getting the proper supports. She has been able to keep herself out of detention for the last 10 weeks! We have a great support team at… (more…)

A Celebration!

Friday, we celebrated Sweetie 3’s 9th Anniversary!!!! She is such a precious girl.  She came home at almost 8 years old from a special needs orphanage in Ukraine.  Her journey has been nothing but miraculous! Sweetie 3 is blossoming into a beautiful young woman and let us know that she will be voting in the next election! WOW! That puts… (more…)

Sometimes There Are No Words

I was thinking about a title for this.  All I could think of was, “Devastated”  or “Shattered”. But those words are without hope or purpose, though they may be used to describe feelings we have had the last few weeks and certainly the feelings of Sweetie 4. I feel that I owe an explanation for my lack of writing in… (more…)

Sweetie 4 Turned 15!!

Our 4 year anniversary is quickly coming up (March 2nd) and Sweetie 4 has turned 15!  She is far from the little girl we picked up in North Carolina 4 years ago!  So much has happened! She is growing up!!! Her bio sister and brother in law came down and surprised her for her birthday. It was really fun! I… (more…)

Stretching and More Stretching

The girls entered College, High School and Jr. High this year.  It is a year of stretching and learning for all of us.  It is good! Some of the new social settings have been a little shocking. We were pretty “protected” in our little cocoon of love, and the girls have been exposed to some realities that are out there.… (more…)

Sweetie’s Choice

Many years ago, when Sweetie 4 was 7, she was removed from her tiny village, along with her brothers and sister and placed in an orphanage. She said that was the first car ride she ever remembered. Sweetie had a very tumultuous life, but she didn’t really know that, because it was all she knew.  There was a serenity about… (more…)

FITTING IN AND LOVING IT

As you all know, Sweeties 1, 2 and 4 are in Public school now, and Sweetie 3 is home schooling and doing dual college credit classes at our local Jr. College. Everybody is doing really great! Sweetie 4 however, does have anxiety over doing well at school. She is a bit of a perfectionist so I hear things like, ”… (more…)

Butterflies Flying

Oh my words! I cannot describe accurately the last few days. Our lives are changing.  The girls are growing up.  I so love these years! Where did my girls start from? Chaos. Neglect. Unspeakable Abuse! Abandonment! Pain! Three came from other countries, Russia and Ukraine. One came from the faraway land of Oklahoma, drowning in the foster care system. Two… (more…)

Being A Team: Working Things Out

Some of you have been reading my posts for many years, some of you are new.  If you are an old reader, thank you for reading! If you are  new reader, Welcome!!! I used to blog in a family blog setting with names and pictures, but the girls are older now, and there were a few creeps along the way,… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2  originally written in 2009 I was talking with somebody the other day, and over the last few months, more than one person…. about BCLC and how it works.  There are so many mis understandings about it, and I think maybe clarifying would be very helpful for those trying to put… (more…)

Reflecting

I was reading an article where a child had been adopted to replace a child who had died.  The thought of that makes me cringe. No person can replace another person.    And it is of utmost importance that we as parents don’t make decisions towards adoption if we are thinking a new child will replace somebody we lost. As I… (more…)

Understanding The Severely Neglected Child

Understanding The  Severely Neglected Child All of our girls suffered terrible neglect, some longer than others, but two of them in particular developed survival skills that were entrenched in their little souls to the point that it seemed they were clutching those survival skills  with all their might, terrified for any changes to be made.  While they both wanted to… (more…)

So Many Things We Are Learning!

The last couple of weeks have been a time of learning and pain.  Our Sweetie 4, has been suffering through some turmoil.  There have been times these last two weeks where we have changed the scenery more than once a day!   Our last post placement report was completed, and she was thrilled about that. However, she has been struggling in… (more…)

Reflections On 3 Years 2 Months 23 Days and More…

Today our sweet social worker came over for our very last post placement report to Russia.  She has been doing our post placement reports and home studies since 2003. When we found out about our fourth daughter, Sweetie 4,  three and a half  years ago, we talked with our social worker on the phone, and the overall conversation was good,… (more…)

Peering Over The Edge

Peering Over The Edge  originally written in May 2013 In my last post,I wrote about why traumatized children cling to chaos.  Today, I’d like to write a little bit more about our experience this past week.  It was a journey into chaos and the journey back out.  Please join me. 🙂 As many who read my blog know, our newest… (more…)

Out On A Date

Today is Sweetie 3’s 8th Familyversary! Where has the time gone???   She is so precious. Sweetie 3 has brought us nothing but incredible JOY, since the very first day we met her. Happy Familyversay!

Today

What a day! Spring is in the air…. It is BEAUTIFUL, Humid and GREEN! It is also “Trauma Season”. Last year when our social worker was talking to us, she said “Sweetie 4 has so many anniversaries for trauma, it is year round.” It is true that Sweetie 4 has endured so much hardship in her life, and there are… (more…)

Grief Revisited

Grief Revisited Originally written April 2014 Grief is a process that sometimes comes in waves.  You will be doing just fine and then it hits you once again.  You had a tragedy in your family long ago, or more recently.  Suddenly, grief is upon you and the emotions are there once again because there is something new to process and… (more…)

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1

A Picture of Grace Based Parenting Part 1 Originally written April 2013 Miss Sweetie 4 has been doing so awesome…. Every time,  when it has been a long time since any kind of meltdown or disobedience, I forget that she is still very newly home.  When I am reminded, like last night, I run the equation in my head.  She… (more…)

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