Category Archives: Grace Based Parenting

Where To Begin….How Healing Starts

There are so many out there in the adoption community who are in the midst of struggle, trial and trauma.  Children have come home and parents have had wonderful, good intentions of helping a child through their trauma to wholeness. Yet, when the child comes they are overwhelmed with the enormity and reality of what a child has really LOST… (more…)

Thoughts About “Correction That Connects”

Thoughts About …..Correction That Connects Originally written June 2012 Our children’s beginnings… Tonight, we covered “The Connected Child” chapter 2 at our support group. I could barely get through this chapter without weeping.  Reading it once again reminded me of how NEGLECTED our children were, before they came home. 🙁 But I was also reminded of the FOUR MIRACLES that… (more…)

Turning a Failure Into A Success! OR The Bathroom Floor SAGA….

Turning a Failure Into A Success! OR The Bathroom Floor SAGA…. originally written February 2013 It was just today that I read part of a devotional by Sally Clarkson where she talked about praying in her room, spending time with the Lord and then came out to see her boys having a pillow fight by some precious keepsakes.  She asked,… (more…)

On Being A Mother To Formerly Traumatized Children

On Being A Mother To Formerly Traumatized Children originally written January 2013  Today, Sweetie 4 and I went for a drive. I needed to take her with me to do a “parts run” for Mike.  It was a 2 hour diversion. I didn’t think it would be good to leave her home for that long without me there. She is… (more…)

Loving Hands Accepting Hands

Loving Hands…. Accepting Hands originally written Feb 6, 2012 What kind of messages do we give our children when it comes to our body language.  I just wrote a post below on the finger lesson.    Do our hands give the message to our children that they are loved and cherished?  Hands are very important.  We use them often to express… (more…)

Staying Loving and Constant and Firm and Supportive and…..

Being that bridge to get to the other side is vital! Parenting children is just the most blessed thing! It is blessed and trying and fun and eventful all rolled into one. For those parenting the average child, born into your home through love, it is challenging and joyful. For those parenting the child who comes into your home through… (more…)

FREEWAY CHAOS and An Analogy

Freeway Chaos Yes, this is my car.  It was clean when we left for the airport to pick up Becca’s mom, who is staying in Texas for 2 weeks. On the way back from the airport, late at night, I might add, we drove right into a construction area! We were like lemmings jumping off a cliff…. one car after… (more…)

Change of Scenery

Change Of Scenery originally written in 2013 From This To This. I wrote a post <— link last year about how we implemented a change of scenery to bring about healing and peace.  ( post at end of this post ) In the webinar I hosted last night, the issue of “Changing Scenery” came up, and I wanted to  expand… (more…)

Teaching Empathy… Updated

Teaching Empathy Updated originally written in 2008… then updated in 2011.  I was going over some notes that I had written about our earlier years with the girls, before Sweetie 4 came home.  I forgot that I had already blogged about teaching Empathy.  So, instead of re writing it, I wanted to add to it and update it.                                                    Teaching… (more…)

A New Level of Wow!

As I just wrote earlier, our 3 year anniversary has passed for Sweetie 4,  and we celebrated. It seems that all 4 of our sweeties have moved into a stride of love, acceptance and security. I have dreamed of this day coming again…. where all  just felt “right”. Before Sweetie 4 had come home, we were in a good place… (more…)

The Fingernail Polish on the Couch Post

Yep…. You read it right. There is fingernail polish on the couch; the one we haven’t even finished paying for couch. Right now, I’m going to do research to see how to remove it carefully.  But honestly, I’m afraid to try.  I don’t want to make it worse. The good news is, we didn’t get angry.  Kids are more important… (more…)

Memories

Memories Originally Written September 2011 I wrote earlier this month about “The Unseen Clock“. I am going to extrapolate a little more on this issue as it is relevant in our family right now. 🙂 I just want to say, I am learning so much right now about trusting in my Lord.  I have been called again and again to… (more…)

The Unseen Clock and An Update

THE UNSEEN CLOCK Originally written August 2011 when Sweetie 4 had been home just 5 months. We have had such a smooth couple of weeks. Really…. everything has been surprisingly smooth! In fact, yesterday when we went to the Library, Sweetie 4 was so cute because she was wanting me to look at each book to make sure it was… (more…)

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change I know I talk about LOVE a lot.  BCLC’s motto is LOVE NEVER FAILS…. The Scripture says that Perfect Love Casts Out Fear….  LOVE is so very important in each of our lives. It is the driving force behind decisions we make, how we treat others, and how we view the world. Trying to imagine… (more…)

Relationship First Part 1

Hopeful faces desiring a family: Little ones just wanting a  mama and a papa: Our little one… Sweetie 3, Shouting “Bye Bye Ukraine” at the top of her lungs! 🙂 When we adopt a child and bring them into our homes and lives, it is so very important to remember that they have had a life before us.  They have… (more…)

A BCLC Moment

A BCLC Moment originally posted 2009 I am posting this with the permission of a little girl who shall remain nameless….. 🙂 Pinkie promise. 🙂 There is a little girl, who has struggled with her math and spelling for some time now. I have been worried about holding her back for review, as I didn’t want her to get “behind”.… (more…)

Those PTSD Moments

Those Puzzling, Traumautic, Stressful, Dramas….. that can happen can challenge us to our knees in prayer. They are the hidden blessings in our lives that drive us to reach beyond ourselves and remind us that God is in control;  and He LOVES us, no matter what.  He never, EVER EVER gives up on us; never EVER, and is our example… (more…)

Disrespect Is Not To Be Tolerated

Disrespect Is Not To Be Tolerated originally written in May 2011 I was asked this question: Just curious, in your post you mention “disrespect” is never tolerated in the house to you or the girls… when someone gets disrespectful what exactly do you do?DS is starting to yell over everything and really mean at me but not because of me… (more…)

So What Is Love Anyway?

So What IS Love Anyway? Originally Written June 2011 This was the question I posed to Sweetie 4 today.  Her answer? I don’t know.  She has heard people say, “I love you.”  She has heard it spoken in movies, she has heard it spoken in our home.  And her answer is exactly what I thought she’d say…. because we only… (more…)

MEETING OUR CHILDREN’S MULTI LEVEL NEEDS

MEETING OUR CHILDREN’S MULTI LEVEL NEEDS or High Control is Not the Answer Originally written in July 2011 I could not think of a title for this post, so it may change…..:) I was having a conversation with another adoptive parent regarding emotional ages of our children vs. actual age, or intellectual age.  I also read a few notes on… (more…)

Parenting

PARENTING ….. (originally written July 2011) One of the great things about being a parent; you never quit learning.  I have been learning to be a better parent for 32 plus years now, and I’m still learning. 🙂  There is always a way to improve, because there are always ways to fail! Why are there always ways to fail?  Because… (more…)

So How Long Do You Do BCLC?

HOW LONG DO YOU DO BCLC? originally written May 2012 Somebody asked, “How long do you have to do BCLC, before you can parent “Normally”? That is a VERY good question! I think what this person is asking is, “When can I show displeasure or anger at my child’s behavior as I have done with my biological children and not… (more…)

The Perfect Balance

The Perfect Balance originally written  June 2012 Wouldn’t it be lovely if we lived in a world of perfect balance?  Well, we don’t…. so that bubble is burst. 🙂  How is that for blunt?  LOL We had our second support group meeting tonight.  I think it went pretty well.  I am always nervous about talking too much or saying something… (more…)

A REAL Conversation Part 1 and Part 2

A REAL Conversation Part 1 and 2 (originally written Feb. 2011) An alternative title could have been: Salvaging a BCLC moment. 🙂  When a mom blows it! As much of the nation is cold, so is Texas.  In fact, it is about 18 degrees outside.  Everything is frozen. We knew it was coming, and I asked the girls to make… (more…)

Escalating and Deescalating

I was asked by a new reader to write about how we have handled aggression in our home when it has occurred. First off, let me say that every child is different, and the reasons for the violence or aggression will be as individual as the child. One thing is for sure though; children who have suffered trauma, be that… (more…)

On Being Fake

ON BEING FAKE I have heard many different twists to the word FAKE in relation to bonding with our children. The most common one I have read is,  “Fake it until you make it.” I don’t like using the word FAKE or the connection it has to “shallow” and “deception”. I also don’t like it because children can very well… (more…)

A Quote That I Quite Like!

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe My friend Debbie posted this and there is so much truth in it, I had to post it. I am reminded that we need to speak life into our children.  Don’t focus on the… (more…)

Problems or Solutions?

When we are working through adjustments with our children, how we view the task at hand can be a deciding factor in our success! Are we blinded by all of the problems, focusing in on the negative ?  Or do we see those problems as stepping stones towards something beautiful  while seeking a positive solution? In the midst of storms… (more…)

Tools For Coping Part 2

I wrote yesterday about tools for coping…. Today I will add to our tool box! When the sweeties were little, I created a “tool box” for them. They would take their hand up to the forehead and open their head. We’d put tools in there…. We chose: 1. The tell the truth tool! 2. The kindness tool! 3. The listen… (more…)

Memories and The Sense of Smell

Today, Sweetie 4 and I went grocery shopping at Sprouts Super Market.  They have this little area for tasting coffee.  They had a flavored coffee “Texas Pecan”, and I wanted to just taste it.  So I did. INSTANTLY, and I DO MEAN INSTANTLY, a memory popped into my head from 25 years ago! My memory  was of Mike and I… (more…)

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