Category Archives: Grace Based Parenting

Memories and The Sense of Smell

Today, Sweetie 4 and I went grocery shopping at Sprouts Super Market.  They have this little area for tasting coffee.  They had a flavored coffee “Texas Pecan”, and I wanted to just taste it.  So I did. INSTANTLY, and I DO MEAN INSTANTLY, a memory popped into my head from 25 years ago! My memory  was of Mike and I… (more…)

Refreshing

Our Support Group is going to go through Karyn Purvis’s book, “The Connected Child” once again.  I have been through this book 4 times now, and I am amazed at how much I glean from reading, every time! The First Chapter was perfect for this week. Sweetie 4 has been bouncing back and forth between old trauma behaviors and everyday,… (more…)

Simple Ways To Change Scenery

I have written before about “Changing the Scenery” when a child gets stuck. Have you ever been in a situation where no matter what you tried: reasoning, rocking, talking, trying to soothe, saying you may not… didn’t work at all? I have.  And it can be frustrating! You are keeping calm, doing all the things you have learned to do,… (more…)

Why Love? Why The Path of Forgiveness?

WHY LOVE? WHY THE PATH OF FORGIVENESS? Originally written in July 2013 Because, it leads to peace and joy! Do you ever struggle with loving another?  What about difficult people? Do you struggle to love unconditionally? If your answer is no, I’d like to meet you in person and shake your hand! 🙂 One of our sweeties was struggling with… (more…)

So What Do You Do When You Fail?

So What Do You Do When You Fail? BCLC Moments originally written: January 2010 I have heard many people say that in order to parent in a BCLC model, (grace based parenting model)  you have to be perfect. “I could never parent that way, because I am not perfect”. “It is impossible!” These statements, most of the time are based… (more…)

But What About Consequences???

But What About Consequences?? An Alternate Title Would Be…. “What About Punishment?”“If you were pulled over by a policeman, because you were speeding, shouldn’t you get a ticket?” What I DESERVE vs. What I HOPE for, can be very different.  Would you WANT a ticket?  Or would you WANT mercy? I know for me, I would want mercy!  I have… (more…)

Tell Them They Are Precious

One of the things that we have found with our own children, when they have come into our family, is that they have no idea how precious they are. Instead, because of rejection, in some cases multiple rejections, neglect, and abuse, the idea of being precious didn’t even enter their minds. Instead, they saw themselves as unwanted, unlovable, ugly, and… (more…)

Learning and Reflections

As parents of 8 children, we continue to learn, and learn more. One of the great things about life is, you never stop learning and gleaning. I am so thankful for people who have dedicated their lives to helping children who come from Trauma Backgrounds; or as Karyn Purvis would put it, “kids from hard places”. Mike and I purchased… (more…)

Navigating Through Misunderstandings

Working Out Misunderstandings I thought this was pretty funny, and makes the point I am trying to write about in a few words. 🙂 Today was a reminder for Miss Sweetie 2, that Miss Sweetie 4 still does not have her English down well enough to communicate what she wants to say, how she wants to say it. It was… (more…)

A Guest Post: THIRTY

I read this blog post today and it really touched my heart.  This post has been written by an adult adoptee who was removed from his home with his siblings. It is refreshing and also a call for us to consider our lives and our priorities. Not all people should adopt, but many don’t, out of fear. Please read and… (more…)

Change

Ask yourself today. “If what I am doing to parent my child isn’t working, what can I do to change,  so that we heal?” Have you ever heard the definition of insanity? “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.” The moment we realize that any change towards healing is going to have to… (more…)

Finding Joy In The Journey

Finding Joy In The Journey originally written February 2013 I wrote yesterday about Adoption Fantasy vs. Adoption Reality. <—linked Today, I’d like to follow up that post by sharing some personal experiences.  Aus and Co. commented on that post and hit the nail on the head!  Sometimes the “wheels fall off  the wagon for no apparent reason”….. and we are… (more…)

Saying “I’m Sorry” A Wonderful Tool!

Did you know that one of the most important things you can do for your child, is to own your own mistakes?  Admitting mistakes or wrongs will not make us appear to be weak, it will actually reflect that we  human, flawed and broken, just like our children. There is never a question of “If ” we are going to… (more…)

Walking Through A Re-Do…

I would like to walk you through an actual re-do.  This happened in our home today, so it is still fresh on my mind. We have been having a really wonderful season of peacefulness.  But Sweetie 4 began to stress about her brother.  He does not live in our home. Sweetie 4 came to us after a disruption. She has… (more…)

Let’s Try That Again….

One of the things we have been working really hard on, is trying again. Have you ever heard the phrase; “If you don’t succeed, try, try again?” It is a great phrase for our kids! 🙂 But…. Add to that phrase, “If you don’t succeed, try, try again, this time with respect!” 🙂 Do Overs are a great way to… (more…)

Tonight I Offered A Compromise

Yesterday, Sweetie 4 was having a hard day.  She seemed so out of sorts and felt like everything and everybody was “against her”.  Her perception was,  that she just didn’t feel like she belonged!  Everybody else belonged, but she didn’t! It was an emotional time for her, and some more healing took place. 🙂 That onion that has so many… (more…)

Shame-Food-Love

Odd title, I know…. but we have been dealing with an odd issue. 🙂 Sweetie #4 has been wanting to gain muscles.  She researched how to gain more muscle and how to eat. However, she didn’t understand what she was reading and was starting to “diet”. Not a good “diet” but a BAD diet! She wasn’t eating enough. And as… (more…)

When Do Overs Become Natural

Originally written in August 2013   Last week, we started back to school for 2 hours each day, to continue to catch up.  Miss Sweetie 4 has done well with her schedule! Summer time is very much non scheduled around here, but I do see a need for a skeleton schedule just to make things work better! Something though that… (more…)

Do-Overs With Teenagers

We have raised teenagers before, and we are raising teenagers once again.  Last time, it was with 4 sons, this time, with 4 daughters. 🙂 I wish we knew THEN, what we know NOW.   I think we would have had much more to draw from, even though at that time, we were doing our best. For our daughters, they get… (more…)

Parenting Ahead

Parenting AHEAD  (originally written  February 2012 (Both of my angels were adopted because of disruption) I posted earlier about Children not being adults here.  I wanted to follow up with a few thoughts on Parental Leadership. Our children, especially our children who have come home at older ages, have no understanding of leadership, or their need for parents.  Yes, they… (more…)

FEAR and RELATIONSHIP

Fear and Relationship ( originally written November 2012) For those of you who have children who came to you with MULTIPLE, OVERSTUFFED Trauma bags, I pray this post can bring you hope. I have written much over the years about Trauma and FEAR and how our children, because of literally living day in and day out in a state of… (more…)

An Object Lesson on Unkind Words

An Object Lesson on Unkind Words (originally written in December 2011) This a.m.  two of the girlies were doing their lessons close to the wood stove to keep warm.  They were playing “old fashioned”…. I over heard one say to the other…. “I think Sister 2 did it!”  Sister 2 overheard it, and said, “I did what?”  And then there… (more…)

TRUE GRACE Vs. RELIGIOSITY

True Grace, VS. RELIGIOSITY This post was originally written in  August 2009 Somebody asked the question is Grace Based Parenting  compatible with Christianity, as in, if it taught a “false doctrine”, how could you use it with your children? I have been studying this for a while, and I would really like to address that issue, as something has been… (more…)

Glue Sticks Are For Gluing

Glue Sticks Are For Gluing This post was written October 2010 I have heard more than a few times last year and this year, folks are using GLUE STICKS; the larger foot long kind;  you know the ones we get for our crafty glue guns??  They are using them to “spank” their children. I’m sorry, but GLUE STICKS ARE FOR… (more…)

PARENTING

Parenting (originally written January 2008) I have been thinking over and over how the last 30 years have changed our lives. Raising 4 boys, to Empty nesters, to raising 3 little girls. They didn’t come the usual way, or maybe they did? (kicking and screaming) Just larger. 🙂 I always say, we got our girls “potty trained and talking back”.… (more…)

Role Play

We had a huge weekend that began last Thursday when we left to go to the Russian Embassy to get Sweetie 4’s passport. Of course, on Wednesday night, she was scared to go and declared that she was NOT going to go! And we could not force her!  We comforted her in her fear, and then asked “What snacks do… (more…)

The Tool Box

When our first Sweetie came home to us in 2003,  she had many puzzling behaviors.  We had taken several weeks of training that was very good!  We had started to read books  to help us understand how to parent her,  yet, there was much we needed to learn and much she needed to learn. I always saw the books and… (more…)

Attachment Is NOT Just Up To Our Kids!

Attachment Is NOT Just Up To Our Kids! Have you ever thought “They aren’t attached?”  or “They aren’t attaching to me?”  Have you ever thought, “They have no relationship with me?” Do you catch yourself picking out or noticing all of your child’s flaws, and not their strengths?  Do you struggle with even seeing the good things about them?  Are… (more…)

Beyond Consequences Logic and Control: Parenting According To Emotional Age

Beyond Consequences Logic and Control: Parenting According To Emotional Age Over several years, I have been asked on and off what BCLC looks like in our home. I have blogged about it, in several posts, but today I wanted to address emotional age, because I think it is PARAMOUNT in understanding BCLC. (Beyond Consequences Logic and Control) Many times I… (more…)

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