Category Archives: Adoption

Memories

Memories Originally Written September 2011 I wrote earlier this month about “The Unseen Clock“. I am going to extrapolate a little more on this issue as it is relevant in our family right now. 🙂 I just want to say, I am learning so much right now about trusting in my Lord.  I have been called again and again to… (more…)

The Unseen Clock and An Update

THE UNSEEN CLOCK Originally written August 2011 when Sweetie 4 had been home just 5 months. We have had such a smooth couple of weeks. Really…. everything has been surprisingly smooth! In fact, yesterday when we went to the Library, Sweetie 4 was so cute because she was wanting me to look at each book to make sure it was… (more…)

The Great Chain Breaker, plus an update

The Great Chain Breaker originally written in December 2008 Update following article…. I remember long ago reading about abuse, alcoholism, and any other ism you want to think of. Psychologists and psychiatrists said, these things run in families, they are disorders, they run in cycles; chances are, if you were abused, you will abuse, if your parents were alcoholics, you… (more…)

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change I know I talk about LOVE a lot.  BCLC’s motto is LOVE NEVER FAILS…. The Scripture says that Perfect Love Casts Out Fear….  LOVE is so very important in each of our lives. It is the driving force behind decisions we make, how we treat others, and how we view the world. Trying to imagine… (more…)

Miracles….

What if I were to tell you that a certain sweetie spent her first 4 years rocking back and forth in a crib; neglected, hungry, alone? What if I were to tell you that in her home country, it was not unusual for parents who have children with special needs to leave them at the hospital? What if I were… (more…)

Relationship First Part 1

Hopeful faces desiring a family: Little ones just wanting a  mama and a papa: Our little one… Sweetie 3, Shouting “Bye Bye Ukraine” at the top of her lungs! 🙂 When we adopt a child and bring them into our homes and lives, it is so very important to remember that they have had a life before us.  They have… (more…)

Exciting News

Today, Sweetie’s 2 and 3 left for Winter Park Colorado for the annual Ski trip with Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children.   It was such an honor for them to be chosen to go! Before they left, I made sure that Sweetie 3 had not packed her biology book, but I did find 5 cans of V8 juice! LOL  Glad… (more…)

Parenting

PARENTING ….. (originally written July 2011) One of the great things about being a parent; you never quit learning.  I have been learning to be a better parent for 32 plus years now, and I’m still learning. 🙂  There is always a way to improve, because there are always ways to fail! Why are there always ways to fail?  Because… (more…)

So How Long Do You Do BCLC?

HOW LONG DO YOU DO BCLC? originally written May 2012 Somebody asked, “How long do you have to do BCLC, before you can parent “Normally”? That is a VERY good question! I think what this person is asking is, “When can I show displeasure or anger at my child’s behavior as I have done with my biological children and not… (more…)

The Perfect Balance

The Perfect Balance originally written  June 2012 Wouldn’t it be lovely if we lived in a world of perfect balance?  Well, we don’t…. so that bubble is burst. 🙂  How is that for blunt?  LOL We had our second support group meeting tonight.  I think it went pretty well.  I am always nervous about talking too much or saying something… (more…)

Anniversary Time

Three years ago at this time, Sweetie 4 was laying in bed at night hearing loud fighting.  The people who were supposed to care for her were fighting over her.  One wanted to keep her, the other didn’t.  Attorneys were involved, an agency involved, social workers, (all of which she had no idea about) She also didn’t know that we… (more…)

Adopting Out Of Birth Order

I know many folks who DO adopt out of birth order and they are fine. Technically, we too adopted out of birth order since Sweetie 3 was 5 months older than Sweetie 1 and 1 year older than sweetie 2. When we are talking about a year, or months, it is more like having twins or triplets. There are 17… (more…)

Escalating and Deescalating

I was asked by a new reader to write about how we have handled aggression in our home when it has occurred. First off, let me say that every child is different, and the reasons for the violence or aggression will be as individual as the child. One thing is for sure though; children who have suffered trauma, be that… (more…)

On Being Fake

ON BEING FAKE I have heard many different twists to the word FAKE in relation to bonding with our children. The most common one I have read is,  “Fake it until you make it.” I don’t like using the word FAKE or the connection it has to “shallow” and “deception”. I also don’t like it because children can very well… (more…)

A Quote That I Quite Like!

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe My friend Debbie posted this and there is so much truth in it, I had to post it. I am reminded that we need to speak life into our children.  Don’t focus on the… (more…)

Relationships

When Sweetie 4 came home, we did not know what to expect.  She was a charm when I picked her up in NC and stayed in a hotel there for 2 weeks until our ICPC paperwork went through and we could return to Texas. I remember cracking up laughing with Mike when the girlies asked, “Will she be mean to… (more…)

A Milestone

Today, as I type this, it is totally silent in my home. WHY? Because all 4 of my girls are not at home right now. One is still in school and the other 3 went to a dog training event and then a Christmas Party/ Christmas Sock exchange! And you know what? I’m not worried. They are having  a wonderful… (more…)

Problems or Solutions?

When we are working through adjustments with our children, how we view the task at hand can be a deciding factor in our success! Are we blinded by all of the problems, focusing in on the negative ?  Or do we see those problems as stepping stones towards something beautiful  while seeking a positive solution? In the midst of storms… (more…)

Memory Making

Making memories together is a great way to help our children form stronger bonds of attachment with their new family. For a child newly home, the only memories they have of this year’s Holiday Celebrations , are LAST years, and those memories won’t be with your family, and can be quite traumatic. The good news is, that if we work… (more…)

A Sweetie 4 Update

I have given regular updates on our newest Sweetie since she came home in March of 2011. I wanted to update once again. Sweetie 4 is adorable!  She is doing fantastic and amazes me with her strength! In the last almost 3 years, she has grown and has gone from the shortest to the tallest! She is almost 5 foot… (more…)

Memories and The Sense of Smell

Today, Sweetie 4 and I went grocery shopping at Sprouts Super Market.  They have this little area for tasting coffee.  They had a flavored coffee “Texas Pecan”, and I wanted to just taste it.  So I did. INSTANTLY, and I DO MEAN INSTANTLY, a memory popped into my head from 25 years ago! My memory  was of Mike and I… (more…)

So You Are Moving To…..

Tonight I was standing by the Fireplace and Sweetie 1 came up and gave me a big hug! We were adoring each other and I pushed her hair back affectionately and said, “So, you are moving…”  and I didn’t finish the sentence. Her countenance went from adoring to FEAR! And I finished the sentence…. “Into Sweetie 2’s room after Christmas!”… (more…)

Refreshing

Our Support Group is going to go through Karyn Purvis’s book, “The Connected Child” once again.  I have been through this book 4 times now, and I am amazed at how much I glean from reading, every time! The First Chapter was perfect for this week. Sweetie 4 has been bouncing back and forth between old trauma behaviors and everyday,… (more…)

Making Memories

In my last post I mentioned how Holidays can cause stress reactions in our children who have trauma backgrounds. We have found that one of the ways to reduce that stress is to plan for things that  the children can count on happening year after year. Simple things like getting the tree down at the same time each year, watching… (more…)

Lingering Fears- Conversations With My 13 Year Old

It has been 2 years and 8 1/2 months since Sweetie 4 came home to be with us. She is doing awesome and we are so thankful for her progress. A few things that we continue to work on have to do with fear and shame. Many times she will perceive that we are not happy with her or that… (more…)

Human Children! Hello! :)

Human Children! Hello! 🙂 originally written in 2009 I took Sweetie 3 out for a mommy daughter lunch today. I try to take each of our children out once a month for mommy time, and daddy does the same. We went to a restaurant during “off hours” so we didn’t feel rushed and just sat and adored each other. (for… (more…)

So What Do You Do When You Fail?

So What Do You Do When You Fail? BCLC Moments originally written: January 2010 I have heard many people say that in order to parent in a BCLC model, (grace based parenting model)  you have to be perfect. “I could never parent that way, because I am not perfect”. “It is impossible!” These statements, most of the time are based… (more…)

But What About Consequences???

But What About Consequences?? An Alternate Title Would Be…. “What About Punishment?”“If you were pulled over by a policeman, because you were speeding, shouldn’t you get a ticket?” What I DESERVE vs. What I HOPE for, can be very different.  Would you WANT a ticket?  Or would you WANT mercy? I know for me, I would want mercy!  I have… (more…)

So Can Change Really Happen?? REALLY?

So Can Change REALLY Happen?? REALLY? originally written: June 2013 Oh You Bet It Can!   I was casually talking with a sweet lady who said she read a poster in an office that stated something along the lines of “You are your history!” It was suggesting that there is no real change.  If you come from a difficult background… (more…)

Bob The Cat

Bob is a very well loved Kitty. 🙂  He will be 10 years old on Christmas day.  Sweetie 1 had just been home a few weeks when he came into her life.  She has loved him ever since. 🙂

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