Category Archives: Adoption

When The Love Bucket Has A Hole

Originally written in August of 2012 Have you had the experience of a child who wants, wants WANTS  EVERYTHING, yet nothing seems to satisfy their wanton desires? Me too….. The child who has had NOTHING, now wants EVERYTHING and SOME is just not enough,  is a child who has a whole in their love bucket.   It is a tricky task… (more…)

Tell Them They Are Precious

One of the things that we have found with our own children, when they have come into our family, is that they have no idea how precious they are. Instead, because of rejection, in some cases multiple rejections, neglect, and abuse, the idea of being precious didn’t even enter their minds. Instead, they saw themselves as unwanted, unlovable, ugly, and… (more…)

Learning and Reflections

As parents of 8 children, we continue to learn, and learn more. One of the great things about life is, you never stop learning and gleaning. I am so thankful for people who have dedicated their lives to helping children who come from Trauma Backgrounds; or as Karyn Purvis would put it, “kids from hard places”. Mike and I purchased… (more…)

What If They Don’t Respond

I was talking to a couple of folks yesterday about children who have great shame and do not respond well to the slightest of correction.  It will send them into rages. I cannot stress enough how this behavior is a STRONG FEAR based and SHAME based behavior. They are unable to receive correction, because they tie their value and worth… (more…)

Hard Days Come Before Rainbows

Today is a Rainbow day.  Yesterday, not so much.   Sweetie 4 was convinced that I was mad at her.  I didn’t act mad at her.  I didn’t say anything unkind to her.  I didn’t even raise my voice towards her. But she was convinced! So what did she do?  She worked herself into a frenzy saying I was mad at… (more…)

The Art of Discipline Part 9: Pursuing Relationship

The Art of Discipline Part 9: Pursuing Relationship originally written: October 2012 I was meeting with a dear friend today, talking about discipline and the many facets the very WORD imply. As I have said many times over the years.  To discipline our children, is to DISCIPLE our children; to come along side, to teach, to instruct…. As we were… (more…)

The Art of Discipline Part 6: Reflections on Parenting the Wounded Child

The Art of Discipline Part 6: Reflections on Parenting the Wounded Child originally written October 2012 “My child cannot trust.”  “My child has RAD”.   “My child has PTSD.” (Sweetie 3’s picture from the lake) The answer?  LOVE. This will make some angry.  WHY?  Because when you are in the process of helping a hurting child it is HARD.  You begin… (more…)

The Art of Discipline part 5: Authority

What does AUTHORITY look like in your home?  Is it domineering?  Is it completely missing? Authority structures are very important! Whether you are a single parent or are in a family with two parents, you must be the authority in your home.  The children should not be the ones in control. A child in control, is an out of control… (more…)

The Art of Discipline part 4: Communication

Today I’d like to bring up the importance of communication  between a parent and child.  Communication has everything to do with disciplining a child.  It has everything to do with discipleship and relationship. Communication is one of the most basic tools we have in order to relate to another person. When a child cannot communicate, the result can be very… (more…)

The Art of Discipline part 3: Correction

The Art Of Discipline part 3 Correction originally written September 2012 In the third part of writing about discipline, I wanted to talk about correction.  EVERY child, no matter how wonderful needs to be corrected. And I have never met a child who WANTS to be corrected.  But those teaching moments are the job of every parent to carry out… (more…)

The Art of Discipline part 2: Role Play

The Art of Discipline part 2: Role Play Originally written September 2012 Yesterday, I wrote part one of this series.   I want to cover several areas of discipline and what it looks like in our home. Today, I want to write to you about ROLE PLAY.    I have written numerous articles on the importance of role play. Role play is… (more…)

The Art of Discipline part 1

The Art of Discipline Part 1 originally written September 2012 Teaching our children, instructing , discipling  and encouraging them are all part of the Art of Discipline. As Parents, it is THE biggest thing we will do to influence the next generation.  We are the gatekeepers of the future!  It is a HUGE responsibility to bring up our little ones… (more…)

Trust And Obey

TRUST AND OBEY written April 2012 I was writing to a cyber friend tonight about parenting children with trauma backgrounds and the thought came to mind… TRUST comes before true OBEDIENCE…. I was thinking about the hymn “Trust and Obey”.  We TRUST the Lord before we OBEY Him. For our children, they have had to learn to trust us, before… (more…)

INDELIBLE

Indelible Originally written July 2012 Keri asked, what was written on my heart; indelible.  I had to look up the meaning of indelible. 🙂 “Etched, permanently”….. There is something written on my heart; indelible. 🙂 I would like to share it.  Hopefully, I live it, every day. The Love of Christ is written on my heart. The GOSPEL, good news,… (more…)

Focusing on Adoption Part 1

Focusing On Adoption Part 1 (Sweetie 2and I…. home about 6 weeks) Once again, November is Adoption Awareness Month.  I wanted to write a post relating to how our lives have changed because of Adoption…. Adoption is a THEME that is all throughout the New Testament.  The story of Redemption, is an Adoption Story.  Romans 8:15 says, For you did… (more…)

Being Successful in Parenting

I was talking with my daughter’s in law yesterday about various parenting thoughts. They are such wonderful people; my grandchildren are in great hands! One of the things we talked about was HOW we view our struggles and stresses. Do we let them overwhelm us, seeing our struggles as all negative, causing us even more distress?  Or do we see… (more…)

Sweetie 3 and The Boy from Baby House 10

Sweetie 3 and The Boy from Baby House 10 originally written April 2011 I just finished watching “The Boy from Baby House 10“, and it hurt to watch it.  It hurt because of how many babies are determined to be misfits, unwanted, cast off, and then it is determined that they can be treated in such a way that it… (more…)

A Guest Post: THIRTY

I read this blog post today and it really touched my heart.  This post has been written by an adult adoptee who was removed from his home with his siblings. It is refreshing and also a call for us to consider our lives and our priorities. Not all people should adopt, but many don’t, out of fear. Please read and… (more…)

Change

Ask yourself today. “If what I am doing to parent my child isn’t working, what can I do to change,  so that we heal?” Have you ever heard the definition of insanity? “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.” The moment we realize that any change towards healing is going to have to… (more…)

Finding Joy In The Journey

Finding Joy In The Journey originally written February 2013 I wrote yesterday about Adoption Fantasy vs. Adoption Reality. <—linked Today, I’d like to follow up that post by sharing some personal experiences.  Aus and Co. commented on that post and hit the nail on the head!  Sometimes the “wheels fall off  the wagon for no apparent reason”….. and we are… (more…)

Today, She Used Her Words!

This week has been an AMAZINGLY BUSY week! Tonight was the last of the business, which was to take place in a foot ball game! Our Sweetie 4, asked her daddy if she could PLEASE not go to that game! “I have been around crowds all week…. can we PLEASE stay home?” And she was right! We HAVE been around… (more…)

Ten Steps Forward

I always say, “When our children take 3 steps back, STAY THE COUSE, because they are getting ready catapult TEN steps forward!” This is where we are right now with Sweetie 4. Sweetie 4 has been home with us for 2 years and 7 months. We are about to celebrate our THIRD Thanksgiving together; our THIRD Christmas together and our… (more…)

Letting Our Children Tell Their Story

Every once in a while, our children will talk about their birth mothers.  Only one remembers her mother well.  One remembers her mother slightly, and the other two never really knew their mothers, except in the womb. If you have not read Nancy Verrier’s book “The Primal Wound“, I highly recommend it. It is a fascinating book about pre birth… (more…)

Listening To Trauma

I am so thankful for our Mom Dad and Me books.  They have been vital, especially for Sweetie 4 as she continues to process and work through understanding relationships. We have been having such wonderful days and nights, connecting and just functioning as a family. That is always a time to be on the look out, because just as wonderful… (more…)

What is the Hardest Thing About Adoption?

Originally written October 2012 People often ask, “What is the hardest thing about adoption?” Honestly I find adoption to be such a joy.  But there are hard times. VERY HARD. We are in a great place right now. It seems that all of our girls are feeling safe and secure, and Miss Sweetie 4 has turned another huge corner.  She… (more…)

Challenges

There are many challenges that we face when bringing a new child into our home.  As the grieving process begins, it can look very much like anger, resentment, stubbornness, disobedience and more. A wise parent will recognize it for what it is;  grief and fear. There is a world of difference in how simple willfulness is handled verses grief. That… (more…)

Connecting

Sweetie 4 has been seeking out connection with us in new ways.  She loves for us to rub her back and pretend that it is raining.  She prefers a hard, steady, quiet rain. 🙂 We used to read to the girls every night before bed.  Then, they started wanting to listen to music or story cd’s, and we stopped. Last… (more…)

Heart-Rending…..

Today, I babysat my grandsons…… This is my youngest grand son.  Grand-Sweetie 11,  is 5 months old. I had him in his “front loader”….”back breaker”. 🙂 It is a carrier for babies.  Oh how I loved these things. When his daddy was a baby, he loved it. It was called a “Snugli”. This little guy loves it too! I couldn’t… (more…)

The Conditioning Of The Heart

The Conditioning of the Heart  originally written December 2010 My heart just aches for children who suffer.  Sometimes it is just too much to think about and so I distract myself….. but it always comes back to the fogotten, the outcast, the downcast, the unwanted, abused, the neglected…… As parents, especially those of us living in Countries where we have… (more…)

Parenting Ahead

Parenting AHEAD  (originally written  February 2012 (Both of my angels were adopted because of disruption) I posted earlier about Children not being adults here.  I wanted to follow up with a few thoughts on Parental Leadership. Our children, especially our children who have come home at older ages, have no understanding of leadership, or their need for parents.  Yes, they… (more…)

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