Category Archives: Chaos

Staying Connected Staying Safe

When parents adopt a child, they responsibly contemplate all sorts of scenarios and difficulties, and prepare to help their new child adjust to family life. There are classes to prepare, all sorts of seminars and books to read. Some parents may already have experience with other adoptions both domestic and international as we did. In fact, we had adopted domesetically… (more…)

Self Sabotage

Well, we had our first furlough. I think honestly that it was too long. She did great for about an hour and then it started to slide downwards. It must be surreal being out after being in detention for 10 months. I get that. We did all we could to make sure she was comfortable and accepted. To say we… (more…)

Being The Steady…

Somebody asked about disrespect from a teen who said they COULD be verbally abusive and there was nothing the parent could do about it. The question was, what do you say when they say this? First off, ((((HUGS)))) to you. I know this was not a part of the picture you had in mind when expanding your family, and offering… (more…)

Addicted to Trauma? Rejection? Drama?

I wasn’t sure what else to title this.  So, I am wanting to explore some thoughts I had in the middle of the night. Do you ever just wake up in the middle of the night with “aha” moments and some quiet, clear time to think? That is what happened to me last night. I have been pondering the events… (more…)

Processing The Weekend

This week was wonderful and sad.  It was full of joy and full of heartache.  Isn’t that just like real life?  We don’t all live in fairy tale land where everything is perfectly wrapped up each and every holiday with a nice little ribbon.  We live real. 🙂  And REAL is what matters in life. The great things about the… (more…)

CONNECTED!

Visiting Sweetie 4 on Thursday evening  didn’t go so well.  She wound up leaving the visit asking  demanding  for me never come back , saying that she would refuse my visits. I have to say, that had never happened before in any of our visits.  So this was new.  It wasn’t without trepidation that I returned to visit this a.m. She wasn’t… (more…)

An “Ah-Ha” Moment

Peace VS. Chaos After our visit on Thursday evening, we were discussing the events that lead up to incarceration, and what things are like now. As predicted, Sweetie 4 was fine. She appeared to be calm and was smiling when we came in.  She was asking about granola bars that she likes and was a little worried she might not… (more…)

Order to Apprehend

Yeah, that is a fancy way to say there was a warrant issued for Sweetie 4’s arrest.  She was apprehended at school today. Once again, Sweetie 4 has found herself in the middle of turmoil, drama and incarceration. We are at a loss for words.  The only thing a parent can do if a child is dead set on destruction, is cry out… (more…)

Keeping Your Feet On The Ground…. When Everything Is In The Air!

Sweetie 4 is continuing her spiral downward once again.  It is so very hard to watch.  And it is something completely out of our control.  The choices she continues to make, may land her back into juvenile detention for awhile. But you know what?  We are at peace with how we are trying to guide and help her.  As her… (more…)

Catching Up

Well, school has been in full swing for about 7 weeks and the girls are all doing well.  Testing has begun for sweetie 4 at the local high school to make sure she is getting the proper supports. She has been able to keep herself out of detention for the last 10 weeks! We have a great support team at… (more…)

Sometimes There Are No Words

I was thinking about a title for this.  All I could think of was, “Devastated”  or “Shattered”. But those words are without hope or purpose, though they may be used to describe feelings we have had the last few weeks and certainly the feelings of Sweetie 4. I feel that I owe an explanation for my lack of writing in… (more…)

Being A Team: Working Things Out

Some of you have been reading my posts for many years, some of you are new.  If you are an old reader, thank you for reading! If you are  new reader, Welcome!!! I used to blog in a family blog setting with names and pictures, but the girls are older now, and there were a few creeps along the way,… (more…)

So Many Things We Are Learning!

The last couple of weeks have been a time of learning and pain.  Our Sweetie 4, has been suffering through some turmoil.  There have been times these last two weeks where we have changed the scenery more than once a day!   Our last post placement report was completed, and she was thrilled about that. However, she has been struggling in… (more…)

Peering Over The Edge

Peering Over The Edge  originally written in May 2013 In my last post,I wrote about why traumatized children cling to chaos.  Today, I’d like to write a little bit more about our experience this past week.  It was a journey into chaos and the journey back out.  Please join me. 🙂 As many who read my blog know, our newest… (more…)

Today

What a day! Spring is in the air…. It is BEAUTIFUL, Humid and GREEN! It is also “Trauma Season”. Last year when our social worker was talking to us, she said “Sweetie 4 has so many anniversaries for trauma, it is year round.” It is true that Sweetie 4 has endured so much hardship in her life, and there are… (more…)

Grief Revisited

Grief Revisited Originally written April 2014 Grief is a process that sometimes comes in waves.  You will be doing just fine and then it hits you once again.  You had a tragedy in your family long ago, or more recently.  Suddenly, grief is upon you and the emotions are there once again because there is something new to process and… (more…)

Memories

Memories Originally Written September 2011 I wrote earlier this month about “The Unseen Clock“. I am going to extrapolate a little more on this issue as it is relevant in our family right now. 🙂 I just want to say, I am learning so much right now about trusting in my Lord.  I have been called again and again to… (more…)

Relationship First Part 1

Hopeful faces desiring a family: Little ones just wanting a  mama and a papa: Our little one… Sweetie 3, Shouting “Bye Bye Ukraine” at the top of her lungs! 🙂 When we adopt a child and bring them into our homes and lives, it is so very important to remember that they have had a life before us.  They have… (more…)

An Update on When Older Acts Younger

I wrote in July 2011 about our Sweetie 4’s play habits, here. It has been almost 3 years and I’d like to give an update about this area of her development. There is a huge difference in her since she came home, of course. She has grown up quite a bit. She just turned 14, and much of her time… (more…)

When Older Acts Younger

When Older Acts Younger Originally written July 2011 We are going through the crazy play that much littler kids go through.  It is the typical tornado type play of much younger children when they are having GREAT fun, without the knowledge of destruction that they leave behind….. Today, I followed a path of mud pies, cups left with water, a… (more…)

What If They Don’t Respond

I was talking to a couple of folks yesterday about children who have great shame and do not respond well to the slightest of correction.  It will send them into rages. I cannot stress enough how this behavior is a STRONG FEAR based and SHAME based behavior. They are unable to receive correction, because they tie their value and worth… (more…)

FEAR and RELATIONSHIP

Fear and Relationship ( originally written November 2012) For those of you who have children who came to you with MULTIPLE, OVERSTUFFED Trauma bags, I pray this post can bring you hope. I have written much over the years about Trauma and FEAR and how our children, because of literally living day in and day out in a state of… (more…)

Issues With the Older Adopted Child

Issues With The Older Adopted Child (originally written in October 2011) There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) The questions have been asked, if  those children can have successful adoptions. I would like to explain… (more…)

Understanding The Fear Factor

Understanding The Fear Factor I wrote a few days ago about how Sweetie 4 felt safer in the orphanage and frightened in America when she first came home. There are  valid questions as to why that would be! How could a seemingly unsafe place without hope and without future seem safer than a loving home WITH a future?  The village… (more…)

Why The Traumatized Child Clings To Chaos

Why The Traumatized Child Clings to Chaos (see previous post related to Chaos topic) For the child of trauma, chaos is their normal.  It can be very frightening to find out that your entire life before, was not normal, even if you didn’t like it, or were fearful of it. Obviously, a child will be relieved in some ways to… (more…)

Stability vs. Chaos,

Stability Vs. Chaos I was just thinking about this today, and thought I would share some of my thoughts with Y’all. When children have lived with extended trauma and instability in their lives, their brains become wired to think that it is NORMAL.  They live at a heightened sense of emotion, and they continue to live in “survival mode”.  They… (more…)

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