Category Archives: Parenting Tools

Blending Back Into Normal Life with some tweaks….

When Sweetie got her job at the pizza place we told her that she might have a hard time with impatient customers, mistakes made and a boss who yells. Her bosses culture is different from us, and yelling is a first resort. :/ She has done well working since before she got out; while on furlough. But last week, there… (more…)

Settling In….

Sweetie 4 has been home since Friday. The weekend was like another Furlough. She knew what to expect as we continued doing the same things and she had the same schedule. Then came Monday. It was all new to her. She has been away over a year and the dynamics of family life have changed now that 2 of the… (more…)

Borderline Personality Disorder

I just added a link to a good website on BPD. It can be found on my educational page, but I’ll also put a link here: Borderline Personality Disorder

Being The Steady…

Somebody asked about disrespect from a teen who said they COULD be verbally abusive and there was nothing the parent could do about it. The question was, what do you say when they say this? First off, ((((HUGS)))) to you. I know this was not a part of the picture you had in mind when expanding your family, and offering… (more…)

The Struggle

When raising wounded children, we do our best to educate ourselves, find new strategies, therapies, psychiatrists, medications and alternative nutritional strategies.  And many times when trying  to navigate a very unknown, limited, and nearly secretive mine field of mental health, we feel blindfolded in a dark room, yet expected to have answers that many times don’t exist. Both Mike and… (more…)

Keeping Your Feet On The Ground…. When Everything Is In The Air!

Sweetie 4 is continuing her spiral downward once again.  It is so very hard to watch.  And it is something completely out of our control.  The choices she continues to make, may land her back into juvenile detention for awhile. But you know what?  We are at peace with how we are trying to guide and help her.  As her… (more…)

TEAM WORK

What a trail we have plodded in the last year and a half!  Sweetie 4 began to spiral out of control about that long ago.  Since then, we have been building a team to help us navigate through the tough job of parenting a child with such a difficult background, who is struggling with mental health, behavioral, hormonal, esteem, and… (more…)

Simple Lessons For Healing #1

I am planning to write a series of life lessons that we have used over the years to help our girls.  This one was actually from today. If you enjoy it, or use it, please leave a comment and let us know how it worked in your family! I designed this object lesson (a spinoff from an old marriage counseling… (more…)

Holiday Time

We hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  We had a great time with Uncle Bob, and our extended family.  What a fun day! It was really nice to see Sweetie 1 enjoy her birthday this year! She has always dreaded holidays and birthdays,  but this year she looked forward to it! She even asked to go to Razoos and… (more…)

NEW BOOK by Dr. Daniel Siegel

The new book is out, and it is fantastic!  The title is “No-Drama Discipline”. This book puts together in practical form that anybody can understand the concepts of relationship based, trust based parenting! I pre ordered it a while ago and it arrived today. I cannot put it down! My husband is reading it too. If you buy any books… (more…)

What Is Working!!!

I  wrote here about some ideas we have had and how we have used them in our family. Today, I’d like to write an update on that, and how things are going! We have had a LOT of changes in our family, especially within the last month!  Three of our girls are now in Public School and 1 is homeschooling… (more…)

Being A Team: Working Things Out

Some of you have been reading my posts for many years, some of you are new.  If you are an old reader, thank you for reading! If you are  new reader, Welcome!!! I used to blog in a family blog setting with names and pictures, but the girls are older now, and there were a few creeps along the way,… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Part 2  originally written in 2009 I was talking with somebody the other day, and over the last few months, more than one person…. about BCLC and how it works.  There are so many mis understandings about it, and I think maybe clarifying would be very helpful for those trying to put… (more…)

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control originally written March 2009 I have had many conversations over the last couple of years about the approach we use with our children. It wasn’t until after a post yesterday that I actually understood where the confusion comes from when folks don’t quite understand. I don’t think the approach is really that… (more…)

Support Group

Our support group is starting back up after a 2 month rest. If you are interested, we meet in Wylie Texas on the 2nd Thursday of each month. We will be having a discussion about adding an extra day in the month so we can meet twice a month. Support groups can be vital lifelines of help and fellowship for… (more…)

Trying Differenly Rather Than Harder

I highly recommend this book by Diane Malbin M.S.W. http://www.fascets.org/

Transitions

This is a time of year for transitions.  Many of us are winding down our school years and getting ready for Summer activity.  For children with trauma backgrounds,  transitions are hard. I have been wanting to write about this, and I’m glad I waited a few days before writing, because we wound up having to help Sweetie 4 through some… (more…)

Reflections On 3 Years 2 Months 23 Days and More…

Today our sweet social worker came over for our very last post placement report to Russia.  She has been doing our post placement reports and home studies since 2003. When we found out about our fourth daughter, Sweetie 4,  three and a half  years ago, we talked with our social worker on the phone, and the overall conversation was good,… (more…)

Focusing on Relationship

I wanted to write a little bit about focusing on relationship and not behavior. This is one of the hardest things to explain, especially to hurting parents. Questions might be, “Do you mean you want me to reward bad behavior?” Of course not. But there is a cycle we can get stuck in, and as the adult, you can either… (more…)

Playfulness

I think sometimes one of the harder aspects of parenting is having the energy to play with our children, especially children who have trauma backgrounds. Time spent  with them can be taxing and exhausting, causing us to be weary and too tired to play! But one of the huge benefits of playfulness with our children, is it brings about connection,… (more…)

Where To Begin….How Healing Starts

There are so many out there in the adoption community who are in the midst of struggle, trial and trauma.  Children have come home and parents have had wonderful, good intentions of helping a child through their trauma to wholeness. Yet, when the child comes they are overwhelmed with the enormity and reality of what a child has really LOST… (more…)

Thoughts About “Correction That Connects”

Thoughts About …..Correction That Connects Originally written June 2012 Our children’s beginnings… Tonight, we covered “The Connected Child” chapter 2 at our support group. I could barely get through this chapter without weeping.  Reading it once again reminded me of how NEGLECTED our children were, before they came home. 🙁 But I was also reminded of the FOUR MIRACLES that… (more…)

Loving Hands Accepting Hands

Loving Hands…. Accepting Hands originally written Feb 6, 2012 What kind of messages do we give our children when it comes to our body language.  I just wrote a post below on the finger lesson.    Do our hands give the message to our children that they are loved and cherished?  Hands are very important.  We use them often to express… (more…)

Staying Loving and Constant and Firm and Supportive and…..

Being that bridge to get to the other side is vital! Parenting children is just the most blessed thing! It is blessed and trying and fun and eventful all rolled into one. For those parenting the average child, born into your home through love, it is challenging and joyful. For those parenting the child who comes into your home through… (more…)

Change of Scenery

Change Of Scenery originally written in 2013 From This To This. I wrote a post <— link last year about how we implemented a change of scenery to bring about healing and peace.  ( post at end of this post ) In the webinar I hosted last night, the issue of “Changing Scenery” came up, and I wanted to  expand… (more…)

Intentional Development of Relationship In Everyday Life

Our last smoker lasted 15 years.  I think that was pretty good!  But it is beyond repair now and it was time to get a new smoker. 🙂 Sweetie 4 loves to help daddy.  She loves getting involved in putting things together and Daddy loves to work with her.  It is an opportunity for him to build relationship with her.… (more…)

Teaching Empathy… Updated

Teaching Empathy Updated originally written in 2008… then updated in 2011.  I was going over some notes that I had written about our earlier years with the girls, before Sweetie 4 came home.  I forgot that I had already blogged about teaching Empathy.  So, instead of re writing it, I wanted to add to it and update it.                                                    Teaching… (more…)

The Unseen Clock and An Update

THE UNSEEN CLOCK Originally written August 2011 when Sweetie 4 had been home just 5 months. We have had such a smooth couple of weeks. Really…. everything has been surprisingly smooth! In fact, yesterday when we went to the Library, Sweetie 4 was so cute because she was wanting me to look at each book to make sure it was… (more…)

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change

Speaking Love, Bringing About Change I know I talk about LOVE a lot.  BCLC’s motto is LOVE NEVER FAILS…. The Scripture says that Perfect Love Casts Out Fear….  LOVE is so very important in each of our lives. It is the driving force behind decisions we make, how we treat others, and how we view the world. Trying to imagine… (more…)

Disrespect Is Not To Be Tolerated

Disrespect Is Not To Be Tolerated originally written in May 2011 I was asked this question: Just curious, in your post you mention “disrespect” is never tolerated in the house to you or the girls… when someone gets disrespectful what exactly do you do?DS is starting to yell over everything and really mean at me but not because of me… (more…)

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