Processing the Weekend

wedding 2
This weekend, Sweetie 4’s biological sister, got married to her childhood sweetheart.  It was a beautiful, lovely wedding.
Sweetie 4 was a bridesmaid.  She was lovely; beaming!

The wedding took place in Oklahoma, where Sweetie 4 lived when she came home from Russia.  It is also where Sweetie 1 lived when she was in foster care.

To say the dynamics of this weekend were huge, would be an understatement.
There was tension going to Oklahoma.  Sweetie 1 was tense because we were so near where she used to live. And sweetie 4 was tense because she knew she was going to see all those people who knew her before we did. They knew her at her worst.

We encouraged both of them the best we could, and everything went pretty well.
There were a few bumps, but with four teenage girls in a tightly packed car, I’d say we were a success! 🙂

After we returned from the wedding and were resting at Uncle Bob’s house, I needed to go to the store and took Sweetie 4 with me. She seemed anxious and tense. She had held it together great for 2 days with all the people coming up and saying, “Do you remember me?”
“I remember you!”  She was so scared of the unknown, and scared of what people thought of her.

Honestly, people were very positive towards her.

So, we were in the car and the tears started to flow.  She knows she has a new brother in law, but I’m sure she feels like she is losing her sister all over again.
She had some big feelings, and we talked about how to move through them in a healthy way. We were holding hands and she was intently listening.
I told her, “You know what?” “I am fully confident that you are going to grow up and live a happy and productive life. ”
That seemed to settle her. I told her that people had positive things to say about her, and she was relieved.

For Sweetie 1, we talked about how the land we were on is just rocks and dirt, grass and water.  Just because it has a name…”Oklahoma”, doesn’t make it a bad place.  We could be standing on the same rocks and dirt, and if we didn’t know we were in Oklahoma, she wouldn’t have been tense. 🙂
That seemed to make sense to her.

I really hate it that the girls had to work through such things. But at the same time, I’m amazed how how resilient they were this weekend.

Today, we had a really great day. Everybody was back to normal and glad to be home.
They spent the day going through wedding pictures.  Oh how lovely they are. 🙂  ( The girls and the wedding pictures)
wedding

2 Responses to Processing the Weekend

  1. kyhtak says:

    Hi Christi!

    I’m glad to see you “back” –I was just noticing the other day that I hadn’t seen any posts from you recently.

    I found a really neat post this morning, called “Trauma Doesn’t Tell Time” (http://gobbelcounseling.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/trauma-doesnt-tell-time/) that reminded me of your posts; I don’t know if you are familiar with this blogger or not, but, at least this post, looks like one you might find interesting. I found it fascinating.

    Kathy
    http://thoughtsondailyliving.blogspot.com/

  2. kyhtak says:

    Oops — I should give credit where credit is due — Beth O’Malley (http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/lifebooks.htm) linked to the “Trauma doesn’t Tell Time” blogpost in her July Adoption Lifebook Tips newsletter, which I received this morning.

    I’ve been receiving Beth’s newsletter for several years, and have really enjoyed it, even though I haven’t personally adopted any children. (I do have two adopted nephews and an adopted granddaughter, though.)

    Kathy
    http://thoughtsondailyliving.blogspot.com/

Comments warmly welcomed!

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