Sometimes There Are No Words

I was thinking about a title for this.  All I could think of was, “Devastated”  or “Shattered”.

But those words are without hope or purpose, though they may be used to describe feelings we have had the last few weeks and certainly the feelings of Sweetie 4.

I feel that I owe an explanation for my lack of writing in the last  several months.
We have been in the “thick” of trauma.
May I say something that I hate?

“I HATE SIN!”  “I HATE CHILD ABUSE”  “I HATE THE DEVASTATING AFFECTS of ALCOHOLISM”.

Deep breaths…..

Most of us are doing well.  We have taken in stride the events that are going on within our family and have acclimated to a new normal.
But at the same time, I believe we had “Frog in the Kettle Syndrome”.

DId you know that a frog can get into a kettle of cold water, and if he stays in there until the water is hot, and then boiling, he will not know that he is about to die.  He will die in that water.

Trauma being wreaked in a family can be like that.  As we made more and more accommodations, we kept acclimating to trauma, instead of trauma acclimating to changes.  And then, about 10 weeks ago, we found ourselves in that very hot  pot of water.
As we made huge efforts to turn the heat down, it boiled over… and nearly every appointment we made  to bring more tools into our toolboxes was met with cancellation because Sweetie 4 was spiraling so badly, we couldn’t keep up.  We made counseling appts and then the day before she would go into a unit.  We made them again after she got out and then she was back in….

We have found what a lot of parents have found.  There isn’t much help for the mentally ill in our society.  Our system is terribly broken.
Every state is different.  Beds are not available in many places, and the person on the other line is probably so used to getting calls they are robotic in response.  Many of the private care facilities are cost prohibitive…. one being 15,000! dollars a month!  Seriously?

We did reach out to the ADAPT team in our area and they would talk with us and with her, but ultimately, there isn’t much they can do other than talk.
We were being told we were doing all we could do.
But when that isn’t enough…. All you can do…..
There comes the responsibility of the person spiraling out of control.

Sweetie 4 acclimated into our home well and we did quite well for 3 years, seeing and being in touch with our social worker on a regular basis.  We worked hard to help her get back in touch with her sister and brother that she lost in such a devastating way 3 years earlier.

She responded well to our parenting, and had many bumps which were expected being a child from a huge trauma background as ALL of our sweeties are.

But somewhere, she made a decision.  That decision also included turning her heart away from Christ, and heading her own direction.
Once that happened, beginning about 10 months ago, she has continued to spiral out of control.

We watched “Unbroken” last night.  It was tough to watch.
But the message in the documentary and in the credits was clear.
This young man suffered the unspeakable. He developed SEVERE PTSD, and nearly destroyed his family.  But when he turned his heart to Christ, and to understand the power of love and forgiveness, he became a new person.  He forgave his captors, and turned his life around.
So, as of this writing, Sweetie 4 is sitting in a Juvenile Detention Center.  We have no idea what her future holds, but we have great hope.   We love her!
We will continue to love her, even if that love means we don’t bail her out.
It is time to face some reality.  I hope THIS is her bottom,
and we can only look up.

Our hope is in the Lord.

5 Responses to Sometimes There Are No Words

  1. BrailleErin says:

    Thank you for sharing. I’ll be praying for your family and for Sweetie 4. God is in control, even in this pain. You are incredible parents, and this blog encourages me we we raise our own little person from trauma. You encourage me even when things aren’t going well, and I appreciate your honesty.

  2. Designs by DD says:

    I’ve followed for a long time. You will be in my prayers!

  3. Just heartsick for you and her. How much was this due to being in school? We just realized we cannot put A. in school. Her shame issues are so great that being around all of those peers causes school to be a no-win situation. Too distracted to learn, and drawn into trouble-never-ending.

    Thinking of you and praying for you.

  4. chaika says:

    Christie, I have followed your story for many years, on your blog and prior to that on FRUA. I have always been so impressed by your approach to being a parent of children with traumatic backgrounds. I’m so sorry that your youngest daughter is experiencing such a very difficult time. I hope with all my heart that she has indeed reached the bottom and will begin to soar again. Your love for your children shines forth even in the midst of the pain you are clearly feeling. Bless you all.

    • ChristieM says:

      Thank you so much! Your prayers are much appreciated! We love our sweet girl, and there is purpose in eternity for all we go through, though we may not understand it now.
      I have a peace in my heart right now, even in the midst of great pain and distress. I will be writing an update soon. 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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