Order to Apprehend

images-1Yeah, that is a fancy way to say there was a warrant issued for Sweetie 4’s arrest.  She was apprehended at school today.
Once again, Sweetie 4 has found herself in the middle of turmoil, drama and incarceration.

We are at a loss for words.  The only thing a parent can do if a child is dead set on destruction, is cry out to the Lord.  We have been doing that as well as spending many days involved in intense counseling.

But it is up to Sweetie 4 to change her direction; we cannot do that for her.  
She knows the tools to use to calm herself, and she knows how to use them.  She decided she didn’t have to follow probation rules and openly flaunted the fact that she wasn’t following the rules.
She didn’t believe the rules applied to her.  She was taking joy in tormenting the family with threats of harm and the worst of cursing language.
Now she knows differently.
She unfortunately believes that we can get her out of this. She was demanding that I tell them at court on Monday to recommend she come home.  She said, “You can do that!”
She doesn’t understand the way the law works.
BUT SHE DID UNDERSTAND she wasn’t supposed to be doing what she was doing.  Secretly seeing a convicted FELON at school was NOT ok with probation!  They told her!  Sternly WARNED her! She didn’t listen.
Truly, this is probably the best thing for her, as hard as that sounds.
She is safe from “Felony Fred”.  If all goes as we believe it will, she will be in Juvenile Detention for nine months.
While we are sad,  and we feel terribly sad for her Russian sister who was to visit us next week as a surprise, we will never ever give up hope, because LOVE NEVER FAILS!

This truly has been a heartbreaking trial for our entire family.  We love our girl.  She is not without hope, but she has to look to the one who can change her heart.

I’ve been practicing my lesson the counselor gave me, keeping my surroundings very centered and making me aware of the true condition of our surroundings.  We are surrounded with loving people and family, we are in a safe place and Sweetie 4 is in a safe place too. She is not being harmed, but being kept from harming others.  She could not be in a better, well equipped detention center that offers counseling and life skills training.
We are so fortunate.  So very, very fortunate.

7 Responses to Order to Apprehend

  1. MamaV says:

    Oh, so much love to you!!
    I have been in a family situation with a sister demanding things that weren’t in my parents’ power to give… “If you really loved me you wouldn’t let this happen…”
    I will pray that God will arrest her heart and draw her to Jesus. It is very much in His power to give that!

  2. anniekitching says:

    My heart certainly goes out to you, and especially to her. It seems so wrong to put her in a situation where she is nearly powerless not to fail…..if only because she is so sure of her shamefulness that she must live up to what she still believes about herself. But more than that – a big high school is my definition of a stress-filled, scary place….and I’m not even a teen….and it sounds like there are many other specific temptations and stressors there, as well.

    The description of her breakdown reminds me so much of A before we finally got her on medication. Perhaps I should be grateful that when she acted that way at school (and later in a hospital) they were going to put her in a psych hospital and not in detention. Doesn’t sound too “trauma-informed”, to be honest.

    I have a phobia of spiders, and I often think that if someone ordered me to be in a room with spiders – even in cages, there would be no holding me down. I would completely lose all ability to behave rationally. All calming strategies would seem like an attempt to stop a hurricane with a paper fan – I’d want to smash the person who suggested them. When my kids “lose it” this is one of the images I use to empathize.

    It just sounds to me like they overwhelmed her. I am so sorry you had to stand by and see it without being able to change things.

  3. ChristieM says:

    Thank you ladies. This is the nightmare we lived last year and it is uncanny how similar things are.
    The school has been in the middle of testing to get her to the right placement, but they could not have acted soon enough.
    To their credit, in the midst of testing they have acted with great honor in helping sweetie navigate the stressors of a large high school, offering her to come to the counselors office or asst principal’s office if she felt overwhelmed. They had a 504 safety plan in place for her and we were working hard on both sides to keep her safe as they were working on a plan. Her ARD meeting was next month.
    In our area, Juvenile detention is much better than a mental health facility. Those facilities are TERRIBLE. She went to 3 of them earlier in the year and came out much worse. She does better in incarceration, as they are kind, but firm, and offer her the structure she truly needs. We did our best to replicate that structure at home, but were unable to because there ARE choices and we don’t have locks and guns to stop you when you want to break the rules.
    Honestly Annie, I can’t believe I’m even having to type that.
    We have been a BCLC and Connected Parenting family for YEARS, but for Sweetie 4, she needs more. So we added counseling, and more counseling, and medication, and more medication. And now, we are at a loss as to where to go next.
    She has a wonderful team of people rooting for her… Dr’s. therapists and more.
    We may not see the day that she comes out of this on top. But it will not sway us from our love for her and our devotion to see her heal.
    She would do better in a smaller setting, but has refused to be home and probation won’t allow it anyway.
    We believe the Texas Challenge group will meet a structural need and add the mentoring she needs. They have excellent reviews.
    We are saddened by the restrictions placed upon us by those who just DO NOT GET IT. 🙁

  4. Nancy says:

    Oh, Christie – I’m sorry it’s come to this again, but I’m glad she’s somewhere safe. I can’t imagine how awful this is for you & her & the rest of your family . . . Thank God she has you & Mike, Thank God she has a good team of people around her, trying to help her. Continued prayers for her & for all of you. Love and hugs to all of you, too!!! <3

  5. Penny says:

    So very sorry. Have followed your blog on and off for a long time (back when it was the ____ family blog). You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. Diana says:

    So very sorry. We were forced to come to that same realization several years ago with our kids. There are indeed choices involved…and we learned the hard way that in addition to the love and support and therapy and meds and whatever, that they also needed VERY firm boundaries and they needed to not be shielded from the consequences of their own choices. It is so very hard to watch them make those self-destructive choices, especially when we all want so much more for them.

    We also learned that no one person or program has all the right answers. They all have good in them and they also all have limitations that make them more or less effective for some people than others and at different times and seasons of life. Most importantly, we’ve learned the definition of “therapeutic” can look like very different things to different people. What is really means, though, is is making sure each person gets what they really need to help THEM progress and function best. If juvie provides the environment that she needs to keep herself and others safe and allows her settle down and allow her brain to start catching up with the rest of her, then that IS therapeutic and it’s exactly where she needs to be.

    God bless!

  7. Karen says:

    I had been wondering how she was doing…so thanks for the update! Praying for all of you.

Comments warmly welcomed!

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