Big Court

We surprisingly had big court yesterday.  It wasn’t supposed to happen until the 30th, but the attorney managed to get an earlier date. We were given less than 24 hours notice, and yet, our counselor and our pastor were there to be with us.

It was awkward.  We were sitting behind sweetie, and she was in handcuffs and leg irons. 🙁  She didn’t turn around, and we didn’t know what we were allowed to do. The prosecutor came over to her and whispered to her and then asked us if we would like to give her a hug.
So we instantly went over to her and hugged her and gave her encouraging words.  She whispered she was afraid, and we reassured her that she was staying where she was, just changing rooms.

Her tone then changed as we began to have a short conversation and she said she couldn’t wait for counseling to begin, because we have a lot of changes we need to make. She couldn’t tell us what they were, and so we just said, this isn’t the time to talk about that.

Part of the program will include 11 weeks of parent training for us.
And then counseling every 2 weeks for her and us together.
This is a good thing! We can always learn something new!

Sweetie will be gone for a long time, but it is what is best for everybody.  She told us that she picked staying in long term to please us.  I wish she had picked not breaking her probation, going to school and doing her homework to please us instead.  🙁

So, our new normal has begun.  We have made a larger list of visitors for her and I was given a list of things to get for her. She can now have her own soap, deodorant and brush.  I purchased the things on the list and took them back up there.  We also donated some Books DVD’s as the kids are sometimes allowed to watch movies, and they are allowed to read all the time.
I included “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”.

I have much to reflect on, much to say, but it will take some time to process and get my thoughts together to put into writing.
We love our Sweetie and we always will.  It is our desire and hope that this program will help her and give her insight into her behaviors.
It is up to her to do well, but so far, even in court she is not taking any responsibility.

The judge and attorneys and even the prosecution was very kind to us this time.  They even said we have done all we can do to help her, and the judge noted that she had been following the case and was convinced there was nothing more we could do.  She encouragingly said, “It is now our turn to try and help. And I think our program is excellent. ”
I hope Sweetie takes advantage of all the help being given and comes out realizing just how fortunate she is!
I know a couple of posts down I said that they system is cold and uncaring.  The system yes, but the people within the system, no.
There are some very caring attorneys, jailers and judges.
So very thankful for all of the parts they are playing in  our society to keep people safe from themselves, and to keep families safe too.

In some cases, outside sources such as law enforcement must become part of the healing process.  I think it is more rare, but there are those rare kiddos that need that outside intervention.
Sweetie is one of those cases.

5 Responses to Big Court

  1. MamaV says:

    I am keeping her in my prayers! I believe as you do that there is no such thing as a hopeless case and that God may yet do glorious things in her life!

  2. Annie says:

    How hard for you all….and yet, in continuing to support and love her through this pain, I think you must feel that you are fulfilling part of God’s mission for you. I ran across a quote recently that really resonates for me; “man“Man. . . cannot fully find himself except through giving himself away.”

    • ChristieM says:

      Annie,
      It has been terribly hard on everybody. I like Jim Elliot’s quote, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
      It is based upon scripture in Matthew, 16:25, where Christ said, “He who seeks to keep his life will lose it, he who gives his life for my sake, will find it.”
      We lay down our lives for another, daily, and die to self. And even though that road is hard, and sometimes lonely, we can see where God has carried us through and will
      continue to do so. We have great Gain in Christ.

  3. Melin says:

    Oh, Chrisite. You must still wake up every morning and not believe this is your life. I know the good person and citizen you are. This has got to be as much off your radar as it would be mine. The law – delinquents ? ???

    Frankly, I remain in awe of how you are still standing. I guess with all the other people that need you, staying strong is not an option.

    That said, I’m sure her absence is a much needed respite. I know that sounds awful but let’s face it, these things don’t happen in a vacuum. The toll on the family has to be tremendous.

    The visual of her in handcuffs must sear your heart. I suppose you just have to harden yourself to the grief of it or else you would not be able to cope and how useless would that be? The ony happy part, if you will, of your post, is that you were validated by the judge. I’m sure I am too prideful but it would make me more angry to think that others would think I was remiss somehow. So I am so grateful you do not have that burden. These people see a lot, a lot, so if they are not condeming you, that says a ton!

    What is the aproximately amount of time you expect her to be in their care? I understand so much of that will depend on her willingness to cooperate. How are you? How are you, really? I know your dh adores his girls. This has to be breaking him apart, too. Men process these things differently. Whereas I might be more likely to shut down, my husband would stay in motion. I think :).

    What does your dd say about the living environment? I suppose what I am wondering here is how she compares it, if at all, to your home. It saddened me to read that at least right now, she is not willing to consider her part of the equation. How much interaction does she have with the other kids? I wonder if that impacts a childs ability to see through their veil of denial.

    One of the saddest things about all of this is that it didn’t have to be this way. The situation (your home, your guidance) was ripe for success. But I guess she would have had to want it for herself. It’s hard enough to change our own behavior never mind affect change for someboy else. I’ve rambled . I feel so overwhelmingly sad you. For her. For the opportunity she is squandering.

    • ChristieM says:

      Hey Melin,
      I’ll answer all of this in a post. 🙂 It is good to write this out and ponder. We are all doing well and managed to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. We HAVE to put complete trust in the Lord and rest in His Mercy and Grace. There is no other way to cope.

Comments warmly welcomed!

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