Blindsided Again…Sort Of

I’m not even sure what to think honestly.  I wrote in the post below about Sweetie calling home saying, “Mommy! I need you!!!”
Then, yesterday happened.

It was visitation time.  Now we have been visiting Sweetie 4 between 3 incarcerations and 2 psychiatric stays, and she has always come to visit.  Not so last night.

When we arrived, the officer told us, “I’m so sorry you traveled so far, she has made it clear she does not want to see you.”
I was thinking, “It’s not personal, it’s trauma!” That has become  my mantra over the last 5 years.  “IT’S NOT PERSONAL, IT’S TRAUMA!
But what does that mean?  Because it sure does “Feel” personal.

As predicted, she was moved to level 3.
There are 4 levels in the detention center, 4 being the lowest.  All the kids start at level 3. Sweetie stayed on Level 3, them moved to level 4, back to 3 then to level 2 where she stayed for 4 weeks.  She is now back to level 3, where she is really more comfortable.
On level 2, that is a step closer to being home, and she is afraid of that. She is afraid of failing, and has expressed that she knows if she comes home she will harm us.
So, I figured it would be a comfort for her to be at level 3, and we would visit as usual.  I guess not.

If I’ve learned to predict anything about Sweetie 4, it is that she is not predictable!
I called our counselor and she recommended the book, “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me”.  I ordered it a few minutes ago.
It is about navigating  Borderline Personality Disorder.

And so, we march on into the unknown….

7 Responses to Blindsided Again…Sort Of

  1. Hailey says:

    Praying for your family.

  2. Jennifer Penman says:


    I don’t get to post very often to your blog, but please know I am praying for you. You are walking a road that I am praying I will not have to in the near future, but I am preparing myself for it just in case. You are walking with such grace. I admire your determination to love your sweetie with the love of the Lord. Your truthfulness, wrapped with the light of Messiah, is such a blessing to me. Thank you for sharing your journey. I know it is not in vain.

  3. MamaV says:

    Poor sweetie 4! God, please heal this traumatized young lady and use her in Your kingdom for your glory. Amen.

  4. Jean says:


    I’m so sorry that you and sweetie 4 are walking this difficult path. I was thinking about y’all on my commute home last night and I am praying for your peace and Ms. sweetie 4’s healing/and restoration. Thank you for sharing your heart and being real. I’m thinking and praying for y’all.

  5. So true. That “not taking it personally” stuff is hard to maintain sometimes.

  6. Nancy says:

    I’m sorry. You all are still in my prayers . . .

  7. Sandra says:

    Hugs! I repeat the same mantra over and over, “It isn’ rejection it is trauma.” It still hurts

Comments warmly welcomed!


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