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Progress? I Think So. :)

Last night we had a counseling session at the detention center with Sweetie 4.  We all knew 1 week in advance what this session was going to be about.  Mike and I talked all week about what we might say or what she might say and as we were on our way to go to the session we both looked at each other and said, “It may go well, it might not.  There is really no way to know!”

And with that, we walked in.  The counselor spoke with us briefly before going in, asking us our thoughts and offering her much needed advice.
We all agreed Sweetie 4 needs to know we love and support her.

And that was the attitude we went in with.
When we entered, I could see right away the wild look in her eyes.
It was a look of panic.  It was a look of fear.
I could see a very scared child, once again in a position of loss. Hopeless loss.  So she thought.

She was pretty riled up, and fiesty, saying some not so nice things.
“You are only acting this way in front of the counselor so you can make yourselves look good!”
ouch….
Bounced right off.
I had that “I’m rubber mantra… going in my head”
We had to let it bounce off.

And she said, “I know you have lots of questions, “Ask me!”
We did have a few questions, but not the ones she expected.
And then, we affirmed our love for her.
She cried.
She was ashamed.
And then she was MAD!
The counselor asked her, “Why are you mad, things turned out well!”
She answered, “I can’t say.  I don’t know.”

I offered….
“I think she expected that we were going to talk, she would tell us things, there would be a blow up, we would get mad, she would cut off the relationship, move in with her sister and all would be happily ever after.”

Sweetie confirmed that was exactly what she was thinking.

Oh no! Sweetie4! You have parents who love you. We are still here!
She was frustrated, but at the same time, the wild look in her eyes
went away, she calmed down and we were then able to rub her back and she accepted our affection for her.

We gave her big hugs when it was over, and went on to visitation.
During visitation she was great. All that wall she had put up was gone.
How did we get here?  We have been working on trust for a  LONG LONG time.  She is going to have to take the dive into the trust pool.
And it just has not happened yet.
I looked at some old posts and thought about it taking a year or two years.  But five years? And we still aren’t there yet.

The Lord will give us the energy we need to continue.
Even though last night was sad…. it was productive.
It was sad because she still thinks she can’t live in a family.
It was productive because she experienced unconditional love.
Pressing on.

1 Responses to Progress? I Think So. :)

  1. Stephen Darwin says:

    Thank you for all that you write! 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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