Changing Faulty Thinking

There are so many layers to trauma, neglect, abuse, FAS, PTSD, Borderline, it is amazing how thinking can be so off that you almost can’t figure out how to address it. Almost. 🙂

The other day we had a GREAT visit with Sweetie 4. She seems to be moving in a direction that has all of us cheering her on. Her counselor, whom she sees several times a week and is on call for her was on vacation, and we went to take our grand daughter back to NM, so there were a few days where none of us were there. She handled it well! She didn’t sabotage when we all came back and we all breathed a deep sigh of relief.

YAY Sweetie 4!

During counseling, she was talking about facing her fears, and one of the things she really wants to do is to watch some of the old horror movies she was exposed to in Russia. She believes by watching them now, it will help her to put them into perspective and not have them haunt her as they do now.
A good example of this, is that for years she has been terrified to go into the attic because “The scary lady might be in there.”
“What scary lady?”
“The one from the movie we watched in the orphanage!”
She believes by watching some of these movies again, as an older teen, with her family, she can conquer that fear.

For those of you who do not know, it is not uncommon for orphanage workers to expose the children to extreme violence and horror to keep them in bed at night.
Their systematic frightening of our children is nothing short of child abuse, and our children suffer LONG after they have left the orphanage system.
Yeah, so take away their family, any hint of a nurturing loving parent, make them fall asleep alone, without comfort and don’t forget to add some HORROR to that; all at the age of 7 and many times YOUNGER. 🙁

I am horrified of the thought of her seeing it again, (no pun intended) but maybe it might help. I’m hoping maybe instead, watching how a movie is made and how they use special effects etc. will be enough.

We had the discussion during counseling and all was positive and good.
THEN… it was time for visitation.

During visitation we had a good visit, but then came the twisted thinking.
“If I experience my past abuse, maybe I won’t be afraid of it anymore!”
YIKES!

NO! SWEETIE! NO!

There is a huge difference between a fictitious scary movie and child abuse that is REAL!
To think that she can over come her fear of abuse by being abused again is
gut wrenchingly sad for us as her parents.
We want her to long for nurture and proper affection. NOT ABUSE!
We want her to come to us when she is afraid, and be comforted and made to feel safe.
She STILL has askewed thinking that SHE must conquer all these things on her own; and that she is truly ALONE. She is saying things about trust and learning to depend upon us to help guide her, but I’m not convinced she is there yet in her deep thinking. Instead her thought process tells us that she may STILL yet put herself into dangerous situations. For now, she is in a safe place; a detention center. But when she gets out, she won’t be. She will be back into the free world again, and that is scary for me as her mom.
I DO realize this time is coming and we cannot keep her where she is until she is older. We have limited time. So we know that there is much work to do before that release date comes!

We immediately wrote to her counselor when we got home so she can address the differences between real and fiction and help her know that going through abuse now OR a long time ago would be equally scary because it IS scary and dangerous!

Oh how we yearn for her long term healing and look forward to her having a healthy self image, and a healthy view on what is real and what is fiction.

We have a ways to go, but we WILL get there! 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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