I tell myself this all the time, and yet on Monday, I was sprinting. For the last couple of days, contemplating Monday has been on my heart. Why did I get so upset?
Why did it bother me SOOO MUCH?
I actually expected a lot of what happened and I was shocked with myself on how deeply I was personally hurting.
I must confess, that if we lose focus on and put our hopes into somebody other than God, we can be crushingly hurt. But if we remember that I have been forgiven much and
I still fail my Lord. He is faithful and just to forgive me.
My hope and trust MUST be in Christ. To love purposefully is a spiritual action. Love does not expect anything in return. We knew going into our lifestyle that we MIGHT have reciprocal love, but we may never see it, and we knew it would be ok, because the life we are living, we believe is what we are SUPPOSED to be doing.
So if my focus is on Christ, then what everybody else does doesn’t really matter. I must DO what I’m called to do! Love.
I think on Monday, I was in “Sprint” mode. I was thinking, “Ok, we have worked hard, you are out, let’s get life going again.”
That was wrong.
She is having to process the loss of the last year just like we have had to.
She spent this last year working on herself and focusing on herself, but NOW she has to process the LOSS of last year. She wasn’t here for Thanksgiving.
A year ago she was on suicide watch.
She wasn’t here for Christmas, her birthday, Valentines Day, Easter, 4th of July, for anybody’s birthday or graduation, youth functions, a trip to Albuquerque,
Ruby’s 1st birthday and more. That is a LOT of loss!
But it wasn’t a complete loss, because she has gained GREATLY. She has gained the ability to ENJOY those things that she couldn’t enjoy before because she couldn’t see past
I also didn’t help by telling her that what I want for Christmas is a happy family when she asked what I wanted. While it is true that is what I would want, and gifts aren’t important. For HER, they are. This is how she was trying to express her love, and I rejected it. I didn’t intend to, but I think that is how she took it.
After thinking about it, I apologized to her and gave her a couple of ideas she could think about for me and she was thrilled.
I have always told my kids “I want a happy family” and they say, “Yeah we know that… BUT…”
But for me to say that to Sweetie 4 I think it had a different feel for her. It wasn’t intentional, but it came to me very clearly last night as I was pondering Monday.
She needs to be able to give something tangible. That is how she needs to show her affection.
So I may get a really cool kitchen apron!:)
So we are back to Marathon Mode. 🙂 My focus is back to where it should be. And we are also enjoying the benefits of a young lady who WANTS to be home and loves her family.