How many times do we go to bed saddened by the events of the day, feeling as though we have not connected?
I remember reading a very old book on parenting written in the late 1800’s.
One of the things that I picked up from this book (which was not written for traumatized children) was that this man understood that children are little people and they should have a voice.
As I read it, one thing struck me more than anything. We all get tired at night. Kids fall apart, parents fall apart, and yet, it is one of the most important parts of the day, because when your child goes to bed, they have all night to think about what JUST happened.
So, when your children go to bed, leave them with love, tender voices, kisses goodnight (if they will accept them) and encouragement.
I was thinking about this last night, as we came home rather late from a girls night out to see La La Land. (which was great btw)
My girls are older, but it doesn’t prevent me from saying “Good night darling…. I love you..Sleep tight…”
I can say this even if they don’t receive it. I can say it anyway.
Something I learned last year from our extreme experiences with Sweetie 4, was that she was listening and paying attention all those times when our love seemingly fell flat at her door.
She was HEARING our words!
How do I know this?
Because when she was in JD, during group sessions over the year, it would come out. “My parents always said they loved me.”
“My parents kissed me goodnight”……
And the memories were there when she was regulated, and placed in proper perspective.
Don’t ever think, even for the most difficult child, that your efforts are for naught. They have a much greater effect than you might think!
If they ask for one more drink of water. Get it for them. Even if you think it is a massive manipulation. Do it.
If they decide that is the time to talk, set a reasonable 10 minute limit, and talk to them.
You cannot err on the side of love, voice, acceptance, compassion or patience.
LOVE NEVER FAILS…. never ever.