Change

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Ask yourself today.
“If what I am doing to parent my child isn’t working, what can I do to change,  so that we heal?”
Have you ever heard the definition of insanity?
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.”

The moment we realize that any change towards healing is going to have to come from within us, we are headed on the right track, and change will happen!

Our children WILL follow.  But they have to have a reason to trust us, and follow.
Until we gain that trust,  which is not instant, and hard earned, especially for children who have traumatic backgrounds, chaos will rule.

Our Sweetie 4 came to us after the terrible loss of her birth family due to severe abuse and neglect, and 2 failed adoptions.
I didn’t dare say to her, “Hi, I’m your new mommy!”  or “You are in your forever family now!”
She would have thought, “Yeah right!”  I’ve heard that one before!
She wanted to try, yet she also wanted to try and just get the pain over with and move on!
So she acted out, to try and make us reject her.  We went through the same thing with Sweetie 1.
Guess what?  Just recognizing that acting out as extreme fear and pain, set a paradigm in our minds that gave us compassion for a very broken child, and working from that paradigm gave us the energy and ability to think outside the box.  It wasn’t about us, it wasn’t about disrespect, it wasn’t about lying or even violence. It was about fear, death gripping, panic driven, fear.

We made plenty of mistakes and still do.  That is why “I’m sorry” is so very important.
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But we have also seen our sweeties heal in tremendous ways.
If you are going around in circles, and not getting anywhere on your journey to healing and joy, try something different!  Take charge of the dance in your life.
Study your child with a new set of lenses.  Try to see them, how our Heavenly Father sees us!  (In Romans 5:7-8 it says, “While we hated Him, He loved Us!”)
And see what the Lord can do!  He is in the business of healing broken hearts.

I love the scripture that says, “For it is your KINDNESS that LEADS us to repentance!”(Romans 2:4)
Harsh force does not work with children who have trauma backgrounds.  Insisting on our own way does not build strong relationship.
Sometimes, we can look at our own behaviors and see very broken people trying to help a very broken little one.
We need to clearly and painfully look inside of ourselves to take the beam from our own eye, before we can removed the speck from our children.
Painful as it may be, it is raw, honest and HEALING!
This does not mean we are bad people. People who adopt have GOOD intentions. But having good intentions doesn’t help our children to heal.   So if we haven’t dealt with our own stuff, it will be impossible to help our children.
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Let’s honestly examine ourselves and get to work at bringing about real, lasting and positive change in our families!
What do we have to lose? 🙂

2 Responses to Change

  1. Karen says:

    Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this blog and how encouraging it is to me. Through you (I think), I was encouraged to read the BCLC books and they have changed our lives. While I had heard/read some of the principles before, this book “connected the dots” for me. And we are all better here for it. I have the DVD of the conference that I still haven’t watched…but am trying to figure out when best I can do so. Thank you!

  2. Shalom says:

    Somehow in all my Bible reading, I missed that verse. I am going to memorize that one. 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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