Learning and Reflections

pacifier2
As parents of 8 children, we continue to learn, and learn more.
One of the great things about life is, you never stop learning and gleaning.
I am so thankful for people who have dedicated their lives to helping children who come from Trauma Backgrounds; or as Karyn Purvis would put it, “kids from hard places”.

Mike and I purchased her entire video series when at the Empowered to Connect Conference back in September.  My words!
The information in there is so CONFIRMING to us! It brings us joy to watch and hear that what we believe to be true, about parenting our children, is proven through science!

We are really excited that our Support group will be starting next Thursday.  We cannot wait to share the things we have learned over the years!

We have found it VERY important to allow our children to go through the process of regressing to a much younger age, before they progress.  The truth is, they aren’t really regressing, it is actually where they are developmentally, and we have given them permission to be there, by accepting that is where they are.
This has been a rather organic, natural process for each of them.    It is not something you can force or decide will happen, but we must be willing to allow it and not look at it in a negative light.
We need to picture our older children sometimes as younger, and precious!  They ARE precious!
I have heard of therapists who will say to regress your children and folks will force a child to drink a bottle or wear a diaper when they don’t really want to!  That is, in my opinion, abuse.

We are never to FORCE something like this, just like you cannot FORCE a child to talk to a therapist about their life.    Just as TRUST is gained and  our children begin to open up and  talk about their lives,  regression will happen naturally.  (I am not talking about regression into negative behaviors, but developmental behaviors) It is a good sign that our children are trusting us.  It has happened for each of our girls as they learned to trust, and then they catapulted forward into healing.
Each of our girls have desired to drink from a bottle at ages much older than a typical child would, but it was child led, not suggested by us.
One of our daughters longed for a pacifier when she was 5 years old.  She came to us at 5 and after a few months asked for one. We bought her a couple of them, and she  still has her favorite collection of pacifiers.  🙂
She wasn’t allowed to be a baby when she was little.  So these are secretly precious to her.
She doesn’t need them anymore like she did when she was 5 and 6, but she saved them. LOL
I had no idea she did, until Sweetie 4 asked for a pacifier.  Her sister volunteered one of hers from her keepsake box.  How kind of her! 🙂  Seriously!

As I look back on the last several years, I am so thankful that we allowed the girls to regress, holding them, talking to them in preciousness, letting them know how we would have talked to them when they were babies, mourning their loss with them, and celebrating their new found trust.

My girls are some of the bravest people I know.  I am so proud each one of them.

Tonight as Mike and I were getting ready to go on a rare date, Sweetie 4 came up to us and said, “I’ll be the jelly!”  That means we are the bread and we sandwiched her in love as she deeply gazed into our eyes saying how much she loves us. 🙂
She may bounce back and forth between love and fear, but in the last 2 and a half years, she basks in love, more than fear.  I call this success. 🙂

If you are struggling tonight with your children,  I hope I can encourage you to think outside of the parenting box.  Shift your paradigm to be open to change.  Look at them how God sees us, with infinite love and compassion.  Work on being the parent they can trust.
LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!  Lead by example!  They WILL follow! 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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