Problems or Solutions?

When we are working through adjustments with our children, how we view the task at hand can be a deciding factor in our success!
Are we blinded by all of the problems, focusing in on the negative ?  Or do we see those problems as stepping stones towards something beautiful  while seeking a positive solution?

In the midst of storms we can allow our own fears to creep in and rob us of the joy of the task at hand; blending into a family, working through trauma, giving FELT safety, and unconditionally loving, so that our kids can truly heal and find peace and rest.

I remember a few dark days in the past when the thought of the possibility that sweetie 4 could not heal.  I found that my focus was not on the “whole child”, but only on part of her.
The part that was not positive.
It is really easy to get into that mode when you are feeling overwhelmed or tired.
This is one reason PRAYER is so very important in our lives.  Praying for energy, wisdom, guidance and especially for the Fruits of the Spirit to run through us gets us through the darkest of days.

When I saw my daughter through a different set of lenses, it gave me hope and energy to do things right.
Trauma isn’t personal against me.  But it has effected my daughter greatly.  I can choose to let it damage me, or I can choose to rise above it and press forward with being the mama she needs me to be.
She needs me to patient and kind, loving and understanding, gentle but firm, giving her safe boundaries and loving instruction.

And it is HARD work!  It is!
We have helped her work through some very bad habits and learn new ways to cope in the areas of respect, recognizing authority, obedience and relationships.

Sweetie 4 has been home almost 3 years and she is an awesome girl!  We just love all of our sweeties so much.
She has grown 9 inches in less than 3 years and is like a giant puppy right now that doesn’t quite get her own size. LOL
So, clumsy behaviors, and things she did when she was littler, like grabbing you to talk to you have become more of an issue. 🙂   Because of the serious things we were working through before, this was low on the priority list, and we don’t want to do to much lest she think we are going through a “Fix Sweetie 4 Checklist”.
Each of her sisters have talked to me privately asking me to help in the area of personal space. 🙂

I reminded Sweetie 1 this a.m. that Sweetie 4 hasn’t been home that long and when she had been home the same amount of time she had this annoying way of telling you she wasn’t listening and shutting down by blowing bubbles and drooling everywhere.  I got one of those impish smiles. 🙂
That perspective was enough for Sweetie 1 to view Sweetie 4’s personal space issues differently. 🙂
I spoke gently with Sweetie 4 about it and gave her some solutions for how to get our attention and what appropriate touch is.  Grabbing somebody to get their attention isn’t ok.
She didn’t know.  I know that… and I apologized for not bringing it up sooner.
But you know what?
She feels SAFE and LOVED and she listened!
Her new way to get our attention will be much less dramatic, and I think everybody will be happier with our solution. 🙂

Focusing with her on solutions instead of shaming her with the “problem” was very helpful for her.
It IS hard to hear things about ourselves that we need to change.  I STILL have things I need to change and I’m old!

Viewing our children as WHOLE CHILDREN with the funny parts, the sweet parts and the hard parts  can give us perspective and focus to work on Solutions.

Comments warmly welcomed!


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