I know many folks who DO adopt out of birth order and they are fine.
Technically, we too adopted out of birth order since Sweetie 3 was 5 months older than Sweetie 1 and 1 year older than sweetie 2.
When we are talking about a year, or months, it is more like having twins or triplets.
There are 17 months between all 4 of our sweeties, so we have nearly a set of quadruplets.
In 2 weeks we will have 2 sets of twins; two 15 year olds and two 14 year olds.
When I speak of adopting out of birth order, I am more talking about having young children at home and then adopting older children; years in difference.
If you are prepared for and expect that any children you bring home will be special needs children, with special emotional needs and in many ways may be younger than your youngest child, and you can parent them accordingly, then adopt out of order!
BUT…. if you can’t. If you cannot see your older children as younger. If you are not expecting them to come with baggage and consider that they might even bring behaviors into your home that will most certainly effect the other children, the do not do it.
If you find yourself in the midst of crisis because of an older child’s behaviors towards a younger child, you are not alone. AND… it is not the end of the world. How you HANDLE the situation make all the difference in your success as a family.
Children suffer the unspeakable in orphanages across this world. Many of them don’t even know that what has happened to them is not normal. Remember, their normal is NOT normal.
However, they CAN heal and learn what normal is!
It is really important that we don’t traumatize them further.
SURROUND yourselves with those who have walked this path already!
FIND a GOOD LOCAL support group that can encourage you to keep on keeping on.
And educate yourself on how to help your child!
When we walk through the adoption door, we must make sure that we are truly prepared for what is about to change in our family.
Just like every member of the family is affected by a new baby coming home, EVERY family member will be affected by adoption…. including the newest member of the family.
The difference is, the new baby hasn’t lived an entire life outside of your family.
The adopted child HAS. And many of their experiences will be experiences of trauma that they bring into your family. We must not stigmatize our children but be compassionate with them and help them make the changes needed to succeed in our families.
Older child adoption is a beautiful experience! Out of birth order adoption CAN BE,
but we must be prepared for the special dynamics it brings.