The Great Chain Breaker, plus an update

The Great Chain Breaker

originally written in December 2008
Update following article….

I remember long ago reading about abuse, alcoholism, and any other ism you want to think of. Psychologists and psychiatrists said, these things run in families, they are disorders, they run in cycles; chances are, if you were abused, you will abuse, if your parents were alcoholics, you will be too, etc.

We live in the age of “diagnosis”. There is a diagnosis for EVERYTHING! I could probably have a few of those myself if I took a few tests. I’m sure ADD would be at the top of my list.

There is SOME truth to man’s wisdom. There always is; otherwise the lie would be easy to recognize and we wouldn’t become trapped into a “diagnosis” that offers no hope. Yes, that is what I said.

Let me clarify: I am not anti counseling, or anti therapy IF, the counseling is to give the parent ideas for helping their child and the therapy is also done under the same guideline. Meaning: minimal invasion into the child’s life and most of the help to be to given the parent for coping ideas for themselves AND their child.

I am compelled to write this, as after speaking with somebody this a.m. that called very discouraged. They have had a child for all of 4 weeks and have seen GREAT improvements with him, only to be told in a diagnostics situation that his life is a puzzle of a thousand pieces and he will be working on them the rest of his life to put those pieces together and will be lucky if he gets 3 pieces to the puzzle to fit.

This very caring person’s heart was shot down to the ground and then some, by some grim, short sighted, test giving, BLIND, counselor.

I have met the child and he is in NO WAY the picture painted.  And then that counselor charges his money, and says, “NEXT”.


I don’t know, but the last time I looked, weird was not a mental disorder, nor was it an attachment disorder. Lack of social skills is not RAD. It is lack of social skills.
I am really getting annoyed that RAD is being so overly diagnosed. And that diagnosis is having a backfire effect on the adoption community. People FEAR it. People see it as the end diagnosis that leaves them no hope.

When one of our daughters came home to us, she was in the “severe” category for emotional diagnosis. SEVERE at 5? Oh my! There is a horrific history in her background of abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism, and abandoning children etc.
Oh were we ever on our knees for a miracle break in that chain that could possibly bind her. This is not just an emotional battle but a spiritual battle as well. We continue on our knees to this day. She is doing awesome, and we pray that she will continue to break free. But it hasn’t happened overnight, just as she didn’t become neglected and abused over night. It happened over time, and it will take time to heal.
Backtracking to make things right is a lot harder than doing things right in the first place.

Do special children who come from Trauma backgrounds need special parenting techniques? Yes and no. It is probably more like, we all need to parent in a special way that will guide our children to the Lord. Being an example to them, and dropping the commonly seen sinful, angry parenting styles that are easy to fall into might be a good idea for starters. 🙂 And that goes for ALL kids.
There is a big difference between Righteous Anger and Unbridled, you have bugged me and now I’m mad anger. Or Righteous anger and You hurt my feelings anger.
It is also safe to say that being SLOW to anger is a good thing.But GOD is SLOW TO ANGER, not willing that anyone should perish. (Righteous ANGER does not sin)
Also, that does NOT mean SLOW to DISCIPLE our children. We should be quick and and willing at all time to take the opportunity to disciple and teach our children to bring about understanding, correction and stability in their lives.

So when the counselor said, “he will never change”, that is SO not right. He already HAS! Will it be on our “schedule” of when he should do things? Maybe not, but he is an individual person, not a cookie cutter person. And the most important things he can learn in life are of eternal value. He is already learning them.

I believe as he begins to unfold the understanding of the “spiritual” in his life, those puzzle pieces will begin to fit into place with greater ease. But he is a kid.

It took me a long time to unfold my life; to understand some things that were very painful, but that is life for everybody. It is a part of growing up.

I am so thankful for Jesus Christ in my life. He is the great Chain Breaker. He is the great intervener, and he takes broken and cracked pots to make them whole again.
Sometimes he crushes them and remakes them altogether, but HE DOES IT!

There is NO SUCH THING as NO HOPE. Man’s wisdom says, “You can’t.” God’s wisdom says, “I can Do ALL THINGS in Christ who Strengthens Me.”

And in the case of our own little girl; she is a beautiful, wonderful work in progress and I am EVER so thankful for the lessons she has taught me. 🙂

And update:  February 2014
Since this post was written, we have added another daughter who also came with severe emotional diagnosis and trauma.  Her diagnosis was similar to our first daughter, but she was much older, coming home at 11 instead of 5.
We are so thankful for this journey as we have learned so very much!

All of our sweet girls are thriving.  Our youngest, at 14 is progressing well, and this a.m. when she responded well  to correction, Mike looked at me and said, “I call that Pay Dirt”! 🙂
That means, it was GOOD!

1 Responses to The Great Chain Breaker, plus an update

  1. kimbabucha says:

    As a mental health therapist I am always the odd woman out at meetings. Most suggest that “troubled teens” go to residential treatment or have a CHINS order taken out on them (when the law becomes the parent). It’s maddening!
    When we see a child who has been hurt – the child is hurt. I mean how simple is that? A cluster of symptoms is a cluster of symptoms – NOT a person, not a plan of action, not a life sentence. If I am hurt, I act hurt. That is all that diagnosis (which I agree are OVERUSED) is saying!! I told my parents in therapy that again and again – leave the diagnosis – help the child. Love them, comfort them, listen to them. Look at your voice, your actions, your example! Put the label aside, your children are INFINITELY more than that. YOU are INFINITELY more than that. Jesus said to love………. LOVE is the only answer (not therapy ABC or residential treatment).
    Rant over 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!


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