TRUST

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Both Mike and I were thinking about what the word “Trust” means and how it is used in our society.  The funny part is, I was out and about taking kids to the doctor, grocery shopping and more, and he was at home.  We had not discussed it, but when I called him, we both started talking about what our thoughts were on it, and we were on the very same page!
I love it when that happens! 🙂

The definition of trust is:
assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b :  one in which confidence is placed  (Merriman Webster)

confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.
(Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary of the English Language)

But there is another side of trust.  I can trust that somebody who is not reliable, won’t be.
I can trust that if somebody doesn’t tell the truth, they may not be telling the truth next time.
These are logical conclusions that help us make right decisions.
It reminds me of the story “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe”, when Lucy goes into the closet and comes back out with Edmund,  Lucy tells her siblings and they don’t believe her.
Edmund deny’s going into the closet and they believe him.
When they speak to the professor, he asks them the question:
“Does Lucy usually tell the truth?”
Yes.
“Does Edmund usually lie?”
Yes.
Why then are you not believing her?

If we look at TRUST in this way, it doesn’t have to do with loving somebody.
It has to do with the correct analysis of another’s character.
If I am going to leave the house,  I can trust that my girls will behave in a certain way.
That “trust” means that I can know that all of my girls can be left at home with each other, and will behave in a way that is not any different than if I were home.
I am confident in their abilities to carry on, without me being present.
I am fully confident that this is the case, and TRUST them accordingly.

With another sweetie, I also “trust” that she is not ready to be left alone, by herself.
She still has areas in her life that need maturing.  I am confident that if I leave home,
she will most likely follow the thinking of “When the cat’s away the mouse will play.”
I trust that this is the case, and therefore,  if I need to go somewhere and she is going to be the only one home, I will bring her with me.
This is NOT  a punishment AT ALL.  Just as I would not leave a 3 year old at home alone, or a 10 year old, I cannot leave her, even though she is 14.
This is not necessarily an indictment on her character, except to say she is still growing and I “TRUST”, am confident, she will get there!

We had a talk last night that carried into today while we were coming back from the doctor.
When she says, “You don’t trust me”…. many times for her that means,
“You don’t love me.”
Today, I was able to tell her, I DO trust you.  I trust you in the little things that you are able to accomplish, that you will do them!  I also trust that if you are given too much responsibility, it will not be good for you, and that would cause you to fail.
I do NOT want you to fail!  I want you to succeed, BECAUSE I love you!

I believe all things, hope all things, endure all things, knowing that she will get there!
I TRUST she will!
She just isn’t there yet, and that is ok.  She has only been home for 3 years. (As of March 2nd)

The other kind of trust, is placing confidence in the one caring for you.
Children have to “trust” their caregiver, parent or guardian.
If they do not trust them,  it is because of “suspicion” that the parent or guardian does not have their best interest in mind.
Trust is something built up and earned both from parent to child, and child to parent.
It is relational!
If you put your confidence in another, your are saying that that person is trustworthy and faithful.
Parents, WE need to be trustworthy and faithfully LOVE our children!
This means we do what is absolutely best for them, caring for them, believing and hoping the best of them, and for them.

If we are speaking to them in a way that builds trust, when we cannot leave them alone yet, they will accept not being alone as an act of love and not an act of punishment.

Today, Sweetie 4 and I had plenty of errands to run after some of the other girls were either at school or at volunteer positions.  We finished our school and then had a really nice time together.  Sweetie 4 felt safe.  And I felt relaxed because I was not worried while I was at the grocery store. 🙂

Instead of interpreting needing to be with me today as a way of saying, “I don’t love you”   she finally understood and I am so happy she confidently came with me and had a really nice time.  We really did have fun!
It is important if you need to bring a child with you when you go somewhere that they are treated with respect and acceptance, NOT like, “I have to take you because you are untrustworthy”.

She also recognizes that there is work to do if she has a goal of being left at home alone while I’m at a grocery store or doctor.
Being faithful in the little things of life, like getting up on time with an alarm, having chores done without being reminded and respecting others personhood and property  are prerequisites for future “home alone” privilege.

I am so proud of her!
I believe she feels loved and accepted for who she is and where she is emotionally. 🙂
And that feeling is correct.  🙂

It truly is important to parent our children according to their emotional age!
Precept upon Precept, block upon block, building a solid foundation, and then, they will then be able to follow in our footsteps, faithful and true. 🙂
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Comments warmly welcomed!

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