Today

Today was an interesting day.  We started out just fine with a normal morning devotion, breakfast and getting ready for school.
This is the day the girls go and train dogs for the afternoon.  They are learning how to train Diabetes dogs, drug sniffing dogs, and seeing eye dogs.  It is a great experience for them, and quite enjoyable.
I love it that they can participate in such a good thing.

This is anniversary time for Sweetie 4, and she has been doing awesome.
But then today, out of the blue, she began to say things like, “You never let me make any decisions for myself!”
“I want to do what I USED to do!”
I asked her, “What did you used to do?”
She answered, “What ever I wanted!”
Of course we talked about how we cannot do everything we want and that it is not true that she makes no decisions for herself. She has plenty of opportunity for decision making.

I  inquired about what time frame we were talking about when she could do whatever she wanted.  She referred to her life back in Russia before the orphanage.  This would be from infancy to 7 1/2.
She said, “IT ISN’T FAIR that I had to come to AMERICA!”
“I NEVER WANTED TO COME!”
“It ISN’T FAIR that I have a new family!”
And then when I spoke she’d say “Whatever!”
I told her, “You cannot say  ‘whatever’ to mama! Let’s try that again!”
And she said, “whatever”!  ugh……

Wow….. I DO mean this came out of the blue!  We went from MATH to TRAUMA!
I was actually, peacefully,  removing the sheets from my bed when she came in and started talking  Shrieking!

We only had 1 hour before it was time for dog training and I could see that Sweetie 4 was not going to be able to pull herself together for that.

I gave her opportunity…. “Sweetie, we need to calm down and talk with respect. ”
“Whatever is not respectful!”

I got another “whatever”.

I made the decision that she needed to stay with me instead of going to dog training.
I knew she would see it as punishment, which it really was not.  She needed to work through her thoughts.

I told her I wanted her to get ready to go with mom, after I took her sisters to dog training.

She obeyed and washed her hair and got ready.

I took her for a drive.  She was talking about living in the woods, so we went to a place with wide open spaces and no city to see land that was available.
She began to talk about her life before orphanages and America.
Of course, it was a life looked upon with “rose colored glasses”.

I agreed with her that YES, she was able to do whatever she liked.  Nobody was there to feed her, care for her, care if she was safe or if she was warm or cold.
I reminded her that she has the scars to show for what her life was like before parents that cared.

She became quiet.
I asked more questions and she answered about how she felt about America.
“She didn’t want to come here!”
I said, “Well, I didn’t BRING you here!” so there. 🙂

We both smiled at each other….. I could see her softening.

I told her I was so very sorry that she had so many losses.  But she also has a LOT of gains!
We spoke about the statistics of kids who are orphaned and remain in Russia until they graduate from the orphanage.

They are pretty bleak!

As we continued our conversation and drive, we stopped for lunch, and she snuggled in.
When we arrived home, she snuggled up and said, “Mama, I’m sorry. ”

I told her, “Sweetie, I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to dog training.”
She said, “It’s ok mama.  It was my responsibility.
PINCH ME!  🙂

Our kids have these memories and have to work through  the losses they have incurred and the surreal nature of present life.
(She is a Russian, living in America with my 3rd family, besides my bio parents, my orphanage life, and the life I left behind.)

With all the news coming from Russia regarding Ukraine and the Olympics, it was not surprising her heart would be back in Russia.

When it was time to go and pick up her sisters, she came along happily and went in to see the puppies.  She went on to a friend’s house for the rest of the afternoon and is now attending youth group with her sisters and daddy.

I am thankful for blogging and journaling.   I could have written this same post last year and the year before.  Trauma has a CLOCK!

The good news is, that she accepted responsibility, and came out of it within 2 hours!

I am so thankful for today.
I think it is time for a trip to the Russia store for some craved caviar and Halva. 🙂

Comments warmly welcomed!

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