An Important Message

An Important Message (originally written July 2010) I usually don’t read psychology today. In fact, I have never read it. 🙂 But today, a fellow adoptive mother sent an article that is VERY MUCH WORTH READING! The title of the article is “Kidnapped or Saved” How some children feel about being adopted. It was written after Justin was sent back… (more…)

Child Abuse and Adoption

Child Abuse and Adoption (originally written Feb. 2011) I was sickened and horrified to read about yet another child abuse/murder case of an adopted child/children.  It is just too much….. We are all capable of much sin, I know this…… and I also know there are stresses out there with parenting that can bring you to the brink…… but honestly,… (more…)

Role Play

We had a huge weekend that began last Thursday when we left to go to the Russian Embassy to get Sweetie 4’s passport. Of course, on Wednesday night, she was scared to go and declared that she was NOT going to go! And we could not force her!  We comforted her in her fear, and then asked “What snacks do… (more…)

Empowered To Connect

We just spent the day at the “Empowered To Connect” conference.  It is Awesome!!!!!!! If you have the chance to attend, it is soooo worth it! September 16th update: We got home late Saturday night after spending the weekend at the Empowered to Connect conference.  If you have not heard Karyn Purvis speak, you MUST! Please consider attending a conference,… (more…)


REHOMING DISRUPTION! I refuse to call “Disruption” Rehoming. IT IS NOT. I have been asked to write a post on this because of the breaking news series from Reuters and NBC that came out this week.  You can see it here. Before you read this post… Please read and watch the links. So here goes: We were introduced to Adoption… (more…)

The Tool Box

When our first Sweetie came home to us in 2003,  she had many puzzling behaviors.  We had taken several weeks of training that was very good!  We had started to read books  to help us understand how to parent her,  yet, there was much we needed to learn and much she needed to learn. I always saw the books and… (more…)

Angry Episodes and Impulse Control Issues

This post was written in June/13 One reader asked : “How do you coach a child through an angry episode?”  And, “How do you deal with impulse control issues.” For both of those…. “VERY CAREFULLY!” When a child is angry and has impulse control issues, things can become quite volatile quickly! The best thing you can do is have a… (more…)

Understanding The Fear Factor

Understanding The Fear Factor I wrote a few days ago about how Sweetie 4 felt safer in the orphanage and frightened in America when she first came home. There are  valid questions as to why that would be! How could a seemingly unsafe place without hope and without future seem safer than a loving home WITH a future?  The village… (more…)

The Ukrainian Bathroom Saga

The Ukrainian Bathroom Saga In a previous post<—- link, I wrote about how God uses even our selfishness to bring about His purposes in our lives.  I mentioned that we used McDonald’s for coffee and sometimes a bathroom, but there was a long story behind that. Here is that story! 🙂 When we picked Sweetie 3 up from the orphanage,… (more…)

Why The Traumatized Child Clings To Chaos

Why The Traumatized Child Clings to Chaos (see previous post related to Chaos topic) For the child of trauma, chaos is their normal.  It can be very frightening to find out that your entire life before, was not normal, even if you didn’t like it, or were fearful of it. Obviously, a child will be relieved in some ways to… (more…)

Stability vs. Chaos,

Stability Vs. Chaos I was just thinking about this today, and thought I would share some of my thoughts with Y’all. When children have lived with extended trauma and instability in their lives, their brains become wired to think that it is NORMAL.  They live at a heightened sense of emotion, and they continue to live in “survival mode”.  They… (more…)

What’s Behind The Behavior?

What’s Behind the Behavior…? (I picked this picture because of all these little hopeful faces. This was taken from our missions trip back to Ukraine a few years ago, and was at Sweetie 2 and Sweetie 3’s old orphanage.  The little boy in blue, was so sweet and cute and smiley, talking in Russian.  He was actually saying, “I’m going… (more…)

When We Need To Change

When We Need To Change There are so many times in parenting that we have to be on our toes, try to navigate 10 steps ahead, and be ready  to meet any challenge.  That is our job as parents. When we are dealing with hurt children, who come from backgrounds full of trauma, we need to be ever more vigilant… (more…)

Adoption Reality Vs. Adoption Fantasy

Adoption Fantasy Vs. Adoption Reality  One need look no further than the MIRROR to see that we are ALL flawed Human Beings. There are many who have answered the call to adoption either through prayer support, for those walking down the adoption path, through financial support, or actually adopting themselves. We have had the great privilege of walking hand in… (more…)

How God Uses Even Our Selfishness For His Purposes

How God Uses Even Our Selfishness For His Purposes I have wanted to share this since 2006 when I started this blog.  On our private blog we included old letters written from when we were in Ukraine.   We had shared this story with Mike’s dad.   He sent an email saying  there was a story to tell;  I am… (more…)

Attachment Is NOT Just Up To Our Kids!

Attachment Is NOT Just Up To Our Kids! Have you ever thought “They aren’t attached?”  or “They aren’t attaching to me?”  Have you ever thought, “They have no relationship with me?” Do you catch yourself picking out or noticing all of your child’s flaws, and not their strengths?  Do you struggle with even seeing the good things about them?  Are… (more…)

Any Unpacked Bags??

Any Unpacked Bags ? I wrote this post in 2008 , but wanted to repost it, as this topic was on my mind after a conversation I had yesterday. There are those in the adoption community that believe only a “professional” knows what to do with a child who has  a trauma background.  I disagree.  While I DO agree that… (more…)

Understanding The Window Of Tolerance

Understanding The Window of Tolerance You can call it what you want, to get a good picture in your mind.  Heather Forbe’s calls it “The Window of Tolerance”….. For the child who lives in a constant state of past trauma, Picture a window barely open, and slamming shut very easily.  For the child who has moved in the direction of… (more…)

Overcoming Food Issues

Many Internationally Adopted children  have issues with food when they come home. They are afraid of the different food textures, tastes and smells.   In some cases it can be more than just fear or dislike of the new tastes….. it can actually be an induced eating disorder CAUSED by actual starvation within the system from where they came. A sweet… (more…)

Beyond Consequences Logic and Control: Parenting According To Emotional Age

Beyond Consequences Logic and Control: Parenting According To Emotional Age Over several years, I have been asked on and off what BCLC looks like in our home. I have blogged about it, in several posts, but today I wanted to address emotional age, because I think it is PARAMOUNT in understanding BCLC. (Beyond Consequences Logic and Control) Many times I… (more…)

Adopting Older Children

There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) And if  those children can have successful adoptions. I would like to explain what I  believe happens to children when they have abuse and neglect or alcohol exposure,… (more…)

Healing Begins At Home: Being a Therapeutic Home

I remember when I was little, I would feel rage inside, but I wasn’t allowed to express it in any way. It was perceived as rebellion. Much of it was hurt. Was there rebellion? Yes,  and much frustration. I remember going into my closet one time and saying 3 curse words, 3 x’s each. I laugh about it now, a… (more…)


I have been wanting to do this for a very long time.  Welcome to “Parenting That Heals”.  I plan to transfer important posts from my old blog to this site, and continue to offer support and help for parents who have home grown children already, are going to adopt, have already adopted, are struggling in your family, or are sailing… (more…)

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