“To Be Continued”

dont give up
Many of you know that for the last year and a half, we have had a very difficult time with Sweetie 4 and more recently with Sweetie 1.
Struggles in life will happen.  As a dear friend said, “If it’s your turn to have tribulation, then tribulate!” 🙂

We have been soul searching our hearts over these two sweet hearts.   We love them dearly, but also realize that we are not miracle workers.   We have done our best, and we rest in that,  but the  pain of seeing  children destroying themselves  is so very difficult. to bear.
There is nothing you can do to stop it, if it is bound to happen.
No amount of love, can hold back the wave of trauma that comes crashing in if the child is determined to go their own way, only trusting in their brokenness , being blinded by a not fully developed brain that says, “I can do it my way!”
With Sweetie 1, I’m not convinced that her actions are necessarily because of early trauma, as much as it was because of plain ole’ sin.
As we have pondered especially the last few weeks, we have uncovered some insight that has brought light on  some of the reason that Sweetie 4 was going the direction she was.
There were some warning signs with Sweetie 1, but we were so wrapped up in trying to deal with Sweetie 4, we missed some.

I do not believe it would have changed anything, but possibly caused what happened to happen much sooner.

The GOOD NEWS is, these girls are still teenagers. They are so very young and we pray that they will not make any further life altering decisions.  Time and experience will hopefully cause them to ponder what they are doing, and choose love.
It appears that Sweetie 4 is already moving in that direction and we are SO THANKFUL for the wonderful program she is in.
Sweetie 1 however, even though she is young,  is almost an adult.  We are praying for her, that the Lord will direct her heart towards true repentance and that she will place her brokenness firmly in the hands of her Savior.

Our other sweeties are a blessing to us.  They have ministered to their sisters and to each other, and even to us in more ways than I can count.
ALL of them are a form of blessing.  Sometimes blessings come with rain, and the blessings that come with rain are deeply entrenched on our hearts, changing us in ways that could not have happened had there not been rain. 🙂

In all of this, I have been told that the editing of my book is finally complete.  I thought about that.  I finished writing it  a year and a half ago and all the girls were a huge part of it.  I could not figure out why it would take SO LONG to edit a simple book, but we rested and said, “It will come when it comes.”  And now here it is!
I now need to decide if I add to it,  start on book  two of four books, shelve it, or something else.

I’m leaning towards adding a…. “To Be Continued”…….
And that is true, whether it is a first or a last book, life is as always,
“to be continued….”

3 Responses to “To Be Continued”

  1. Jennifer P says:

    Thank you for writing about this. After a “big event” with one of our adopted teenagers, we are learning that we ARE doing the best we can and even though I never thought we could “fix” everything and thought we were realistic, I was surprised how emotionally caught up in trying to protect all of them. Hard stuff. Thanks again.

  2. Melin says:

    Hey Christie,

    We adoptive parents (all parents, really) know we will love our child with all that we have within us. We know that . We know that it will be hard, really hard. But we can never anticipate how much it will hurt.

    I can hear that in your writing – you are in deep pain. I’m sure it feels physically painful to see your own child mess up. Especially when you didn’t see it coming. It’s like your heart was ripped out and is now continually exposed to pain since a heart reallly belongs inside our body, not exposed to unclean air.

    Forgive me if this sounds bold or rude, but if and when you are able, can you share some general things we parents might not realize are red flags? From what I can tell, so much of what you are experiencing is true across a large population of adopted kids. I don’t know how anybody can deny that our children arrive feeling fundamentally wounded.

    But I appreciate how you are not necessarily ascribing every behavior to adoption . Not every messed up choice should be viewed through the lens of adoption.

    But how are you? How are you really? I know your faith sustains you but that doesn’t change the pain and confusion. For your sake I wish you could wake up one morning and see everything all better. I hope you don’t mind if I am angry for you because I know you have loved this girl with a passion.

    I also know your dd may read this blog and so to her I ask, “Why are you doing life the hard way? Don’t squander these years. A, think about what you want to be able to tell your child someday about the person you used to be. Right now – today – are you being the kind of person that you will remember with respect? Are the people you hang out with bringing out the best in you? Do you really believe you are being a good friend to them or are you making it easy for them to live a lie? A, you’re better than this and you know it. ”

    Some kids (she’s a young adult, I realize) just insist on learning the hard way. That’s a hard pill for parents to swallow.

    Keep doing you, Christie. The other two girls must be traumatized by what they must view as a betrayal.


    • ChristieM says:

      I’m going to write a post addressing this. It is an important issue.
      How am I? I’m brokenhearted. But you know that we didn’t adopt our girls for us.
      We wanted to make a difference, because we love kids. I believe we have made a difference in
      all of their lives. And we have loved them fully. They are our girls.
      I have asked her why and she has replied, “She doesn’t know why.”
      I believe that. But at the same time, more has come to light that is very disturbing.
      We have joy that Sweetie 2 and 3 are doing well. Sweetie 4 is really starting to come around and
      she has shared much with us, not knowing what is going on outside of detention.
      Things are coming together and making more sense regarding Sweetie 4, and I will share about that soon.
      In the mean time, I am doing well. The Lord is the Lord of all, including our pain.
      I always think of how Jesus wept over Jerusalem, and he was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief.
      A slave is not greater than their master. 🙂
      There is much to learn, to gain, to focus on and to continue…. LOVE NEVER FAILS
      and we will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give up.
      (Winston Churchill said that) 🙂
      We have hope!

Comments warmly welcomed!


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