Seven Years Ago

Oh My!!! A LOT has transpired in seven short years!

Seven years ago today, we got a call saying, “Remember that little girl we told you about in October? Are you still interested? If so, you need to be in NC tomorrow!”

And with that, our prayers were answered, and our lives were changed…. as was the life of our Sweet Sweetie 4.

We had been told about her in October, and we were interested, but then we got a call that it would probably be impossible. We were ok with that, because our prayer was for the Lord to open the doors wide, or slam them shut. We did not want what HE did not want.

The doors were opened wide! There were many confirmations of this. But that did NOT mean that life would be easy the next several years. God’s WILL does NOT mean that He is going to only bless us with easiness. He may have MUCH BETTER and BIGGER plans for all involved.
Oh! Did He!

We went into bringing Sweetie 4 home with eyes wide open. She had been placed in an orphanage in Russia at 7 1/2, due to severe abuse and neglect, she had to change her language to that of the orphanage, and then 2 years later, she was adopted with siblings and it didn’t go so well… she was having a very hard time adjusting to U.S. and another new language, then another family came along and she was with them, unfortunately, there were some things that happened that were not legal, and she was yet in another failed adoption. 🙁
Poor baby….
So here we were, knowing we were walking into the unknown, but knowing God had also called us to love her fully. And fully we did.
We did not expect her to love us back, how could she? But in fact she did. She did connect, she did love…..

And then, the very stability that was good for her, became a trigger for her. She was battling so many things from her past. Her rear view mirror was in the way of the front window, and she couldn’t see clearly.

The last 4 years, have been INCREDIBLY difficult and INCREDIBLY rewarding. So many things have happened.

I had no idea that deep trauma could reveal itself in dangerous behaviors even though she was being loved and cared for. I didn’t know how HARD a child could fight to not have to deal with the past.
I didn’t know the depths of my own heart’s sinfulness, and how easily I could doubt what I didn’t doubt before.

SURELY God did not intend for us to go through all of the turmoil, violence, vitriol, chaos……SURELY!!!
Ummm. Oh yes He did. And HE chose to take us through it, love us through it, teach us through it, guide us through it and set us on the SOLID ROCK of his deep and infinite LOVE for His Children.

He made us grow up; ALL of us, together!

We had adopted other children, and all were doing well. One was from foster care. One was from an international adoption dissolution and the other was a direct International Adoption. All were adopted at older ages. Even our boys were adopted by Mike. The parenting paradigm we adhere to, was followed throughout all of our adoptions and the raising of our sons, with a few tweaks added as we learned more.
But READING ABOUT extreme cases is very different than living them in our daily lives.
It is kind of like a surgeon reading about operating on the heart in a book, and then being faced with opening a person up to operate on their heart.

When faced with DEEP trauma, the rubber had better meet the road. You had BETTER be REAL and COMMITTED to what you are doing…. and DO NOT LOOK BACK.

We are so thankful to be on the other side of the deepest pits of days which have been written about on this blog. I’m so thankful that Sweetie 4, now that she is an adult, has NOT chosen to walk away, but is a proud member of the family. She calls, she texts, she goes to lunch, she is active with some of her siblings.

And we are left with a deep understanding of how GOD sees HIS children. Though we hated him, HE loved us. When we didn’t know it, HE was caring for us, protecting us,
guiding us, leading us.
And HIS love never fails…. Never EVER.

Sweetie 4 is deeply loved. And she knows it.

If you are in the thick of trauma behaviors, DO NOT give up. Be wise, seek guidance, but DO NOT GIVE UP. NEVER, EVER, EVER.

And now, we press on….

1 Responses to Seven Years Ago

  1. Pingback: Seven Years Ago Part 2 | | Parenting That Heals

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