Seven Years Ago part 3

Well, after 14 days in NC at a hotel, with a pool, we flew home.
Sweetie had been the perfect guest and was excited to meet her new family.

We had many talks during that 2 week period and she began to open up just a little bit about what had
happened to her in her short life.
I was able to rock her to sleep in the chair provided at the hotel. She slept for over 2 hours in my arms while I sang and prayed for her.
When she woke up she looked at me, completely relaxed and said, “Nobody has ever rocked me before.”
It made me so sad… because I had rocked all of our children every single day.

We visited the zoo, aquarium, children’s museums, history museum and much more
while waiting, and then real life began in Texas.

Sweetie fit right in with everybody and they all ran off to play. They were all so brave!

It was a few days before she started to relax and begin to show the real Sweetie 4.
There was so much trauma beneath the surface and it all started to come boiling out.
This is when REAL healing can begin. Hang onto your hats if this is what is happening to you,
as it can be very scary when they start to realize their entire life was one of pain and sorrow.
Calm and peace is foreign…. and VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, because their little brains have been wired for Chaos.
And when they start to be chaotic, it is calming for THEM.
I liken it to trying so very hard on a new job that you exhaust yourself and have to have a break!
Her brakes were “adventures in chaos”.

I am so thankful for those two weeks that showed me what she was capable of!

The next 6 months were a blur of rages that lasted hours which included a lot of head banging, talking back, threats, and then tearful apologies.
I later found out that what that other woman had said to her DID in fact had meaning as my gut told me it would.
“Do your stuff” meant, “act up, kick, hit, scream, disobey and then, runaway.” 🙁
What is WRONG with people???? Why would somebody sabotage like that?

By the end of the 6 months we had weaned down to a fairly normal pace with a few tweaks here and there, but overall, not too bad.
She had her rages down to about 30 minutes a few times a week, and was clearly beginning to show trust and attachment.

We did really well for a couple of years, and then.came.puberty.

And with puberty a new time of letting loose to share grief… DEEP grief.
It was one of the darkest times of our lives. I’m sure it was darker for her, poor girl.
Grief visits in cycles. As a child grows and matures, they experience grief all over again at a different level.

Sweetie had to stay in juvenile detention for over a year, but what a time of precious visits, and working
through much of her trauma. We are so thankful for the center near us that is not “consequence oriented” but “therapeutic and rehabilitative”.
They were awesome and exactly what she needed!
God is so good to us.

Sweetie has grown up since then, using the tools she learned for the most part. She has been living on her own, and is now an adult. She calls, texts, and now and then comes by.
We are most certainly her family.
She has relationships with some of our older kids also.

With all the trauma we all endured during the last 7 years, I would not trade the lessons learned for anything.
God walked all of us through some very difficult times, and has brought us out on the other side.
We all grew up. 🙂

If you are in the trenches with a very extreme child, it is my prayer that you can find solace in this blog, and don’t forget that it
is VERY important that you DO NOT ISOLATE….
(Winston Churchill said that)
This video was made at year two for Sweetie’s 13th birthday. 🙂

part 2 is here.

3 Responses to Seven Years Ago part 3

  1. MamaV says:

    Glory to God! I am so happy to hear that she is doing well!

    • ChristieM says:

      MamaV!!!! I haven’t heard from you in soooo long! 🙂
      Good to hear from you. 🙂
      I am so thankful for your prayers.

  2. Erin J says:

    I’m so grateful for an update! I’ve been following your blog for years as you went through hard stuff and you’ve always been such a source of wisdom and comfort to me.

Comments warmly welcomed!


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