Uncovering The Fear Of Rejection

Our sweetie 4  has been home for two and a half years and has experienced tremendous personal healing.  There is however an area where she still has a great amount of fear.
She fears rejection, and therefore is very guarded when it comes to outside relationships.

The funny thing is, she is quite friendly and likeable!  When she lets her guard down and forgets her shame, she is right out there with everybody else, mingling, engaging , laughing and having a good time!
Then she remembers and she will say things like, “I don’t really have friends; just acquaintances.  This means “I am not obligated to invest in another person, and I don’t have to worry about them investing in me.”

This a.m. during our morning devotions, we were reading:

Colossians 3:12-17

English Standard Version (ESV)

1Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

As we began to discuss what it looks like to put on love, she announced, “But I don’t really like people very much, they can be mean.”
The night before she had attended our churches youth meeting with her daddy who was teaching.  He said she stayed up near the front close to where he was teaching.
When it was over, she participated with the other kids, even though he knew it was hard for her.  She was really trying.
Daddy asked her, “Was somebody mean to you last night?”
“No”, she answered.
We asked Sweetie 4, is it scary to make friends?
She had her head down and shook it yes.  Daddy put his hand to her chin and gently said, “Let me so those beautiful eyes”.  She looked up and he was able to talk directly to her fearful heart.
It is hard when we have been rejected isn’t it?  Another nod.
Are you afraid you are going to be rejected again?  Another nod.
It was then that we realized she was sitting up close near where he was teaching, to stay connected to him, because she was actually scared.
(Fear doesn’t always look like fear.  It can come out in many different ways, including anger, violence, solemness, and in this case, staying very close to daddy)

Daddy talked a little longer with her about  how wonderful it is to have people in our lives that we can call friends.  Sometimes friends DO hurt us, and we forgive them. Sometimes we hurt our friends, and they forgive us.
Sweetie 4 has had crushing experiences with trust in her past.  And we remind ourselves often that just 2/13ths of her life has been without chaos.  That means that 11/13ths was full of chaos, rejection and loss.

But God has designed us to have loving relationships with people not because we are perfect, or they are perfect, but because He is perfect.  And we can love each other in Christ, sharing and singing and encouraging each other!  Not everybody is going to reject us.  Some will.  And it is a sad thing.  But we can truly depend upon our heavenly Father to NEVER EVER reject us or give up on us!

Our sweetie listened to her daddy intently, more so than ever before in the last two and a half years.  She prayed that God would help her to not be afraid of making real friends.

This morning, Sweetie 4 stretched out those beautiful butterfly wings of healing . And just like a baby after developing new skills, gets exhausted, she  went into a very, deep and peaceful sleep.
We didn’t want to wake her. We just watched her as she slept.
(something all parents love to do) 🙂

Tomorrow she will be going to Co-Op and she is talking about it with an excited tone.
Tomorrow she will fly.

Comments warmly welcomed!


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